I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold, the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?'
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,
'An ID ten T Error? What's that ? In case I need to fix it
again?'
Harold grinned... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error Before?'

A guy is walking around in a supermarket yelling, "Cris-co, Cris-co?" A store clerk says to him, "Sir, the Crisco is in Aisle Five." He says, "I'm not looking for cooking Crisco, I'm calling my wife." The clerk says, "Your wife is named Crisco'?" He says, "No, I only call her that in public." The clerk says, "What do you call her when you're home?" He says, "Lard ass."

A friend asked me the other day why I never got married. I replied "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."

"Oh, come on now," said my friend. "Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry."

"Yes, there was one girl... once. I guess she was the one perfect girl -- the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything... I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."

"Well, why didn't you marry her?" asked my friend. I shrugged my shoulders and replied, "She was looking for the perfect man."

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" replied the teacher. "Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says "Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be."

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and *poof* she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.

"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says; "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold, the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?'
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,
'An ID ten T Error? What's that ? In case I need to fix it
again?'
Harold grinned... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error Before?'

Does this taste funny to you??

One day a single mother was in the grocery store with her 4 kids. They were acting up. Bad little kids. They were running around grabbing items off the shelves crying and screaming all over the place. The mother grabbed all and said "I should of swallowed all of you!"

A guy walks into a bar with his midget wife and takes a stool, with his wife standing next to him. The bartender was busy at the other end and didn't see them when they walked in. When he got done serving the customers there, he walked down the bar and asks the new customer what he would like. He asks for two glasses of beer, which the barman brings. After leaving him, the bartender goes about serving other patrons, when he notices the man has finished his beers. He asks if he would like a refill, and the man says, "Yes. I'll have a couple more. "The barman gets two more beers and sets them in front of the man. Never having seen anyone with the guy, his curiosity is piqued, and he asks him, "Why, do you order two drinks at a time?"

The man replies, "Oh, one is for me, and the other for my wife."

Astounded, having not seen the midget wife, the bartender says, "Your wife? Where is she?"

"She's standing here next to me."

The bartender, standing on his toes, leaning forward looking over the edge of the bar, utters, "Well, I'll be God damned, she ain't any bigger than your fist!"

The man replies, "No, but she's a lot better!"

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her young students so she took him aside after class one day. "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?" "I'm in love," replied Little Johnny. Holding back an urge to smile, the teacher asked, "With whom?" "With you!" he said. "But Little Johnny," said the teacher gently, "don't you see how silly that is? Sure I'd like a husband of my own someday... but I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry," said Little Johnny reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"