A blonde goes to the doctor with both of her ears and her right hand are burned. "Sit down and tell me how it happened," says the doctor.
"I was ironing my clothes when I received a call. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and burned my ear."
"'What about the other ear and your hand?"
"I tried to call for an ambulance."

On January 9 a group of Pekin , Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off a Peoria bridge, so they stopped.

The leader, George a big burly man of 53, gets off his bike, walks through the gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked ... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After she's finished, George gets approval from his group, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, then he says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl"


The onlookers are still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed!

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer. A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"

The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"

The judge stops and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?"

The guy in the back of the court stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honor, but for fifteen years, I've lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."

A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an erection.

The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, 'did you call for me?'

The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?'

She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.' Smiling, she led him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel, eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.

Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him.

'Did you call for me? ' asked the hairy man.

'No, what do you mean?' replied the newcomer.

'You must be new.' answered the hairy man, 'It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer.

The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she asked.

'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.'

'But, Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here a few hours. You haven't had a chance to see all our facilities.'

'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here.'

Two Glasgow boys, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock's forthcoming wedding.
'Aye, it's all going like magic,' says Jock. 'I've got everything organised
already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night.'

Archie nods approvingly.
'Hell, I've even bought a kilt to be married in!' continues Jock.
'A kilt?' exclaims Archie, 'That's grand, you'll look pure smart in that! And what's the tartan?'
'Ach,' says Jock, 'I imagine she'll be in white.'

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and

after a while they got to know each other so

well, they decided to get married.


One broom was, of course, the bride broom,

the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her

white dress. The groom broom was handsome

and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was

lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the

bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom,

'I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!'

'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.

Are you ready for this?

Brace yourself; this is going to hurt! !! !! !









'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'

............ ............ ..............

Oh for goodness sake... Laugh, or at least groan.

Life's too short not to enjoy... Even these silly

....little cute............. And clean jokes!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Sounds to me like she's ....... !

......been ....sweeping around!!!

A boy comes home one day and runs up to his mom.
"What's a bitch and a pussy?"
"Well," Mom says, "a bitch is a female dog and a pussy is a cat." The boy thinks to himself that this doesn't sound right since the other kids were calling each other that. So he goes to Dad.
"What's a bitch and a pussy?" Dad pulls out his Playboy and opens it to the centerfold. He draws a circle around the woman's pussy.
"Now that's a pussy, son! And everything else is the bitch!"

Differences Between Good Girls and Redheads

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot.
Redheads make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls wax their floors.
Redheads wax their bikini lines.

Good girls blush during sex scenes in a movie.
Redheads know they could do it better.

Good girls wear white cotton panties.
Redheads don't wear any.

Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls.
Redheads think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.

Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it.
Redheads only own one bra and rarely use it.

Good girls pack their toothbrush.
Redheads pack their diaphragms.

Good girls wear high heels to work.
Redheads wear high heels to bed.

Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have sex.
Redheads think no place is the wrong place.

Good girls prefer the missionary position.
Redheads do too, but only for starters.

Good girls say 'no'.
Redheads say 'when?'

Good girls say "Thanks for a wonderful dinner."
Redheads say, "What's for breakfast?"

Good girls keep a diary.
Redheads don't have time.

Good girls love Italian food.
Redheads love Italian waiters.

Good girls will apologize, brown nose and kiss YOUR ass.
Redheads will tell ya to kiss my lily, white ass.

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error?

What's that . in case I need to fix it again?"

Harold grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down ...... I D 1 0 T

I used to like Harold.

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said: 'Its golf balls'.

Nevertheless, the blond continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked: 'Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?'