I wonder what it would feel like to be clean again,
Without the stench of the dirty places I’ve been,
To not feel so alienated from my own kin,
And to trust completely in the love of my friends,
Without expecting the worst case scenario,
Like the inevitable over-played song on the radio,
I want to be a part of it, but I’m out of sync,
But then what did I expect, what did I think,
I wish I could look in the mirror and not cringe,
Not have times I contemplate an injection from am air-filled syringe,
hope it’s not an easy thing to do,
Cause I’m not beautiful like you,

I wonder what it’s like to go out somewhere,
And feel like I belong and am wanted there,
It’s hard sometimes to raise my head,
I’d rather not be noticed instead,
Shadows not sunlight cling to my face,
They hide the windows to a troubled inner place,
I want to clean house, leave the skeletons behind,
I don’t deserve treatment that’s kind,
I could forgive anyone else in a short time,
But a pardon for myself I can’t find,
Forgiveness isn’t an easy thing to do,
Cause I’m not beautiful like you,

I wonder what it’s like to be held tight,
To be someone’s prayer before they go to sleep at night,
The dawn comes for the lovely ones,
For me an accusatory, all revealing spot light is the sun,
The truth is an ugly reality for me,
I try to cover (too often) with weed,
All my flaws and imperfections; I’m damaged,
It’s not just insecurity; I don’t know how I manage,
To live is not an easy thing to do,
Cause I’m not beautiful like you.

I see him laying on his back,
Slowly rocking on a boat in the Mediterranean Sea,
His thoughts far away and heavy,
Once a boy from a small Canadian town,
Now a soldier trying not to drown,
In memories from a horrific attack,
His face carries so many things,
He has witnessed the worst and best,
Be on both sides of feeling cursed and blessed,
He wonders if he will ever see again,
The gentle woman, the mother of his children,
His hope at times is fading,
The forces taught him survival,
To understand to evaluate a chance,
A ship passes by in the night a small distance,
This troubled man looks out at the moon,
Determined to find his life again real soon,
To claim in the realest sense why he fought,
For a gift that only with highest price can be bought,
Trying hard to not feel he is in denial,
Thousands of miles from where he should be,
Laying on a bed gun beside him,
Ready to defend no matter how slim,
The opportunity to make it home one day,
Saddened yet inspired in the way,
How a fateful collision brought him sanctuary,
I can’t help but blink back tears,
Reading the letter he sent to her,
Awash in the emotion with which he wrote,
A castaway of life somewhere on a boat,
For 3 weeks now I had this piece of a man’s soul,
And I had to know in order to be whole,
Did this warrior make it home for sure?

You ever just feel kind'a invisible somedays? Sighing, and getting ready for the routine of hugging my pillow. Have a good night one and all.

A universe far away,
And a time before remembered memory,
Before there was even a day,
You were loved by me,
Even if you did not know,
My name or my existence in creation,
It thrived through joy or woe,
Every breath I've taken a dedication,
The emptiness of my arms,
Calmed by the thought of you filling them,
Protecting you from harm,
Loving you granting you your every whim,
Have you heard,
My heart has been calling to you from afar,
Gentle as a bird,
My loves stretches like the light of stars,
To find you anywhere,
To wash away the darkness trials will bring,
Give you tender loving care,
This is forever, not some fleeting fling,
Through smiles and frowns,
Through tears, the best and worst of years,
Baby I'm going to be around,
Yes, for you, only you my love is waiting right here,
Outside of time and distance,
Beyond the gravity of class and circumstance,
Can you feel this is more than chance,
Take my hand claim the divine romance.

As some of you know, I have been taking on a second job part time in the hopes it will lead to a full time job devoid of my primary job ( restaraunt managment) right now. My part time job is proctoring, watching students take make up tests at a local college for adult education. Four to five times a year the school has a larger scale examination period. At these larger scale examination periods I am watching 30 plus kids take their exams. They have open book and closed book exams.
We had one those periods this past weekend. We were short staffed and I found myself in a room with a little over 30 people taking open book exams. I was sitting up front and moderately watching people take their exams ( I figure its open book, if you need to cheat on an open book exam there is something seriously wrong with you). I had my head down and was going from doodling to writing some verses of poetry that were straggling along in my head.
I had to look up somewhat a an angle at the table a little to my left. I had noticed its oppucant when he walked in the door. A guy in his early to mid twenties, tall, tan, sparkling blue eyes blod hair with a baseball cap on. Something made me think he was european. Well As I looked up at th angle I had just happened to have, he was rubbing his crotch! I couldn't help but look. After a minute I felt self-conscious and looked over the room, partly to make sure no one knew I had been staring at this guy's crotch. I figured with the long table and how the seating was positioned no one knew I had been gawking.
Finally deciding I hadn't been caught and the view being too nice, I covertly resumed my oolging. He had on walking shorts, which were loose. I loved the contrast of his lush honey colored tan skin with fine spackles of golden hair leading up into his olive green shorts. Since he was on the end of his table, and had his rather large back pack sitting in the chair to his left, no one else knew that he was readjusting or playing with himself. He would take his hand away, concentrate on the exam, but ultimately his hand returned to adjust himself. After about 20 minutes his adjusting hand't seemed to alleviate his problem. Now I could see a bulge pushing to the left of his shorts. At that point I was thankful that I had worn a rather long shirt that covered myself, because this little hottie's show was defintely having an effect upon me. This went on for a bit off and on during the testing period. At about halfway through the testing period, I had gotten comfortable in my voyeristic position. For some reason I decided to look up a bit further than had been for most of the testing session. I almost pissed myself when I looked up at the face of the guy I had been staring at for close to an hour. I could just make out his smile under the brim of his cap. I wondered if he knew I had been watching him the whole time! I looked awy, scanning the room and then dropping my head to attend to my scribblings. About 15 minutes later he got up and walked toward my table, handing in his exam. He leaned over and shot me this smile that I couldn't tell if it said "Have a nice day" or "I know you were oogling me." As he stood up and straghtened his frame he fiddled and adjusted his book bag, and I coudle see his positioned hard on across his shorts. I quickly looked up to his face and he winked at me, giving himself one more covert adjustment befoe bidding me a nice day! I hope he got an A. And I hope I will be the proctor in his next exam! Whew!!

YOurs truly
the pervert proctor xxxxxxxxx

Just as the sky longs to embrace,
The earth in all of it's mysterious grace,
Showers dark skin with sun and rain,
The wind an exhale, of efforts in vain,
Clouds form then lightning and thunder,
The heart of the sky is torn asunder,
Flashes of passion gusts through the trees,
But the earth is stoic in it's beauty,
So the sky after grieving lays still a while,
And loving adoration dawns a rainbow smile,
He doesn't give up, this foolish sky,
The nature of love, so why should I,

I could be the layer,
Of hopes and dreams,
My mobile imagination,
Could fill your soul's seams,
I know you feel inside,
My open pressence,
Let me caress all,
All of your wonderful essence,
Lay down love,
And close your eyes,
let me love you once,
Your adoring sky,

The sky displays the moon and stars,
For the earth, but it seems so far,
All of this, even golden orange dawns,
Or blue and violet sunsets makes you yawn,
I am using all of heavens manifestations,
To display this undying infatuation,
Would the earth stop turning round and round,
If just once you let your guard come down,
Who says the sky and earth can't combine,
Are you scared it will be just too divine,
Unpredictable is truly the rule of nature,
For a moment in time can we be pure,

Listen to the wind through the trees,
There is a beautiful, simple harmony,
Elemental and so sensual,
An age old, eternal ritual,
I give my all, priceless to you,
Do you care if the sky is blue,
Allow me once to feel material,
just once, answer my pleading call.

Riding down a glass door elevator,
Way up high in a towering skyscraper,
I look out and find myself skipping along clouds,
Trying to escape the mundane work shroud,
Wondering what you're doing right now,
Wishing I was beside you anyway anyhow,
To be within your embrace would feel so good,
Thinking about we could, we could, oh we could,

We could leave it all behind,
We could achieve a peace of mind,
Just you and I under a velvet sky,
Watching cotton candy clouds float by,
Losing track of time in a feeling so sublime,
Sensuously carefree intertwined,
We could find the dream I believe,
We could design our own special reprieve,

I don't get off at my designated floor,
At this moment I don't need to be there anymore,
With a smile I loosen my tie and go out the lobby door,
Anyone who sa my face know where I'm headed for sure,
To reach you before you get up to head into your 9 to 5,
Like a man on a life and death mission I drive,
I quickly park and fumble before I turn the key,
Walk into the bedroom and a vision I see before me,

I see you laying there and I can't help but stare,
Your beautiful body resting peacefully bare,
Just as I left you when I kissed you this morning,
Even that temporary parting left me forlorning,
Go back to work, yes I know I should,
But seeing you like this all I know is that we could,

We could kiss and touch, gaze into each others' eyes,
We could hold each other tight, breathing our sighs,
We could make one another grip these soft sheets,
We could Make sweet love, rest and put it on repeat,
We could not answer the phone, rip it out the wall,
The only ringing we hear is passion's call,
I want to show you how I feel so right and good,
Come closer baby, let me tell you we could....

I am broken, like a cloud filled with basic elements that have become a complex compound erupting with moisture and sound,
My emotions flashes of light that are just a glancing sight of my feeling's might,
I have been pushed along by invisible hands with their own selfish nonchalant demands,
Searching to find myself and love that is similar to the flight of doves,
To be seen as real, breathing, flawed but spectacular in someone's mental vernacular,
I have been longing for you since before my birth, possibly even the creation of earth,
I have always had to rhyme, have control of things,
Even with a compromise it was with my consent,
There is but one escape from my desire like there is from life,
And even then that is not a guarantee,
My eyes cannot help but drown in your image,
My arms cannot help but automatically open to embrace you,
My lips cannot stop from parting to taste you,
every single organ, every cell simply screams and yells,
I want you, crave you, need you,
What use is light if not to allow my eyes to see you,
What use is breath if not to animate this form or carry my words of love to your ears,
What use is my vocal cords vibrations if not to provide your ears with stimulation,
Take me as I am, the creature, the soul moved by the most essential of emotions,
Love, to give myself to you, to cling to you like a second skin,
To allow you access to my molten core within,
TO make love to you, to be dipped, even drowned as I baptize in your physical sermon,
The mortal part of me clawing and scratching your back, biting your neck,
Knowing I am perspiring and expiring to a place I have never been to before,
To be caressed, kissed, thrust through a brand new door beyond just simple lust,
To lay together exhausted, breathless, in a peace I will not know until I am scattered or placed within the ground,
To lose myself in the moment, to have the control to be lost in you and found in we.

I stand before your door, you stare out the window,
Too beautiful to ignore, In a minute emotion grows,
The veils of reality part like sheer satin curtains,
And I really see, who you are for certain,
Daylight caresses your face, your eyes hold light,
My hands wander places, guided by desire’s sight,
Watching you do the routine, just being in your skin,
The most beautiful thing I’ve seen, my adoration feels like sin,
Every atom of my whole, sighs and cries my devotion,
Every iota of my soul, pulsing with love sick emotion,
Serpentine arms of desire, embrace me as you turn,
Your gaze casts a spell of fire, which in I; a heretic of love gladly burn,
We face one another, within an electric circuit unseen to most,
You enchant me lover, to your possession I am a willing host,
The folds of one realm melt away, as I speak a simple incantation,
A deeper magic has its sway, I give you my heart felt dedication,
I breathe once and time escapes, I blink and you are right before me,
Our silhouette makes an arcane shape, I acquiesce to die in your arms gladly,
Face to face with our trials, this passion, hell’s heat and heaven’s absolution,
Worldly sensibility and romantic infraction, With no easy solution,
Eye to eye my hands on your chest and cheek, Your hands on both sides of my head,
I sigh feeling passionately weak, one smoldering tear by your shimmering eyes is shed,
Within me a soliloquy of ecstasy is wrote , feeling the pleasing pressure of your hips,
Thinking how one day we’re at each other’s throats, the next moment at each others’ lips,
The stillness builds then thunderously breaks, we begin a torrent of touch,
Begging, demanding, using ancient speak, tumbling joyously in truth’s sweet clutches,
Living without you is a thought profane, Take my life, give me my true name,
Pour inside me with love’s rain, wash away all that is not you until nothing remains.

I can say that tonight I’ll be able to sleep,
And this pain inside I won’t keep,
I can say this bed won’t be too big for just one,
And it won’t feel so cold as the place farthest from the sun,
I can say this to myself, til it’s memorized,
I can say I don’t care, but it’s a lie,

I can say this morning will be better than yesterday’s,
That I put my feelings for you far away,
I can say the sun will shine just as bright as the time,
We spent lying together one breezy afternoon in July,
I can say to my heart and all of my friends,
That I’ll laugh and dance like before our love met an end,
I can say it to them without a frown.
I can say I don’t miss you, but alone I’ll break down.