I'm sitting here and I feel wierd. Dunno why. I think I'm over analyzing myself. This si going to sound bitchy, but I've been wondering why it seems others have such happy lives. They seem golden, the right job, money, a partner, they have ambition and a drive in them that seems to succeed. I was once described as a "tortured soul". I feel so much love and passion in myself, but their is a lot of doubt at times. I get feelings from people, vibes so to speak. I think most people are good on the inside. I have this desire and image to be a brighter soul, creative, understanding, spiritual. I sometimes see myself escaping my body and the wants and needs of the physical. But I still see the desire of the senses, visual, physical and audible. At times I feel I have constriced myself to be 'the friend' to hide the passion inisde of me. IS it possible to be spiritual and passionate? SO many things running through my head.Why haven't I published some of my writing? Why haven't I been more demonostrative in asserting myself just in general? I don't want to be the should've could've would've person, the compromise king. With saying all that I still have the want to be harmonous with everyhing around me. Confusing huh?

IF I had a penny for every one of my dreams,
That were wrapped tightly around you,
My days of working would be through,
Instead of closed places bursting at the seams,
There is no escape from your divine charms,
And I would lie to say I'm not fighting mightily,
Just keeping up appearances to not seem unsightly,
Yes I've fallen with eyes open into the sweetest harm,
Wether near or far your voice makes your lips seem close,
The sound evokes images of them, so soft full and round,
And even in sleep no haven of the desire is found,
But within the dreaming sands there is freedom I suppose,
Emancipation to speak outloud all the things I feel,
How I want you close to me, like a second skin,
I want to fall into your eyes let you deep within,
Connected head to toe, heart and soul; a perfect seal,
Once again I wake up and its time to conceal,
This incandescent tingling you give to me,
If I don't do something soon, I'll go crazy.
Got to gather the nerve to give this a chance to become real

Every now and then, I close my eyes and sink within,
I picture how we all begin, before we became human,
Vibrations in harmonious cosmic celebration,
What changes when we hit physical destination,
Much deliberation on the reasons for separation,
We breathe, cry, love and hurt, some day die,
Want to do a little better than just getting by,
In this reality, there are so many walls,
Who recalls how we got under prejudices thrall,
Can good reasons to hate ever be found,
These barriers got to go, tear them down,

Why do we fear the notion of destruction,
Exist in old ways’ worn out production,
I am ready for a change,
I know it might seem strange,
Don't carry hate and pain into the ground,
The fearsome ways, let's tear them down,

So many things, I let stop me being able to sing,
Hurtful words always seemed to sting and cling,
I began to feel, those childhood scars would never heal,
Feasting on a poisonous meal,
Of what I'm not and what I ain't got,
What mistakes I made had wrought,
So close to saying, I no longer felt like playing,
This miserable life, my soul was decaying,
Until I made up my mind, breaking the chains that bind,
Happiness and harmony for me, only I could design,
Fortresses built with bricks of white or brown, got to come down

It's time to shed, all the painful things said,
Divorce the monsters I wed and took to bed,
Burn the bridges and sink those boats,
Leave behind the burdens I always seemed to tote,
Do you hear it, a most beautiful sound,
Walls crumbling to the ground, I'm tearing them down

Like the planets around the sun,
I find myself in the captivity,
Of your inescapable gravity,
I know I am not the only one,
Mesmerized by your beauty,
Even a thousand revolutions,
Still return me to one solution,
Close to you is all I want to be,

Mankind tries to harness seasons,
Not realizing its nothing short of treason,
Against the forces of creation,
Dismiss the relation as a sensation,
Why not set nature free let it be,
Don’t dismiss this as silly impossibility,
This emotion, the notion of me.

I'm drunk right now and in a very honest mood. I don't expect to have someone's forever. I have so much passion in me. I have so much lovel. And that love is not critical or demanding. I just want to feel worthy enough to look someone in the eye, to gently cu0p their face. I want to kiss someone and touch them all over their body. All these things I right about in my poetry, this hidden pasionate, sensual soul inside craves to just be free, to lavish all of my attention on somoene. I want to make someone feel like they are the most blessed being in the world. I want to be sweaty, to swear, moan and sigh before someone. At times I wonder what if would feel like to have someone touch me in ways that would make me clutch bed sheets, writhe and call out their names. I'm just a fool, and maybe not meant for this world or reality. I want this someone, so bad it aches in the marrow of my bones. I'm tired of just touching myself, I want to touch YOU.

I am empty, I am dry,
Yearning numerous years gone by,
I am a vessel craving to be filled,
Not for a sip or momentary thrill,
It is fine to pour into me until I am bursting at the seams,,
Your joy, your pain, your, love, hope and dreams,
I will hold each experience you tell,
Protect them; guard your trust well,
Whatever it is, bitter or sweet,
Without both any drink is incomplete,
I am thirsty, staring at you,
Thinking of what I want to do,
Drinking in your cool pools of eyes,
Inside I longingly sigh,
Trying to cup your face in my hands,
To pull you as close to me as I can,
To trace your soft mouth with my fingertips,
And to drink the strawberries that are your lips,
Lovingly drink them, tenderly,
A glass I do not want to set free,
I am thirsty for all of you,
An enchanting, earthy brew,
Your heart, the fresh and the scarred,
Your hands that have worked hard,
Your stomach that has been empty,
Your feet that have walked plenty,
I am a vessel that is not full enough,
Full of love but wanting to be an over-flowed cup,
By a grail I cannot see into but have tasted,
Briefly, but memory hasn’t erased it,
How sweet the elixir you are is,
Sweet, tart, with a little fizz,
I speak to you about my thirst and your expression is a little blank,
By me you think you shouldn’t be drank,
Maybe in the past other vessels you have met,
But they weren’t ready for what you offer, to all’s regret,
I have thought about it long, had much debating,
I am, ready for you, accepting and waiting,
But I know what I am asking for the better and the worst,
Let me accept you, and quench my thirst,

When I was a little child, about five or six,
Standing right next to miss was my aunt Sis,
In case a lyric from my memory was missing,
But in truth I could recite the words easily,
When I was done, I would smile politely,
Didn't know all the meaning behind it all,
It made the elders feel something, I recall,
Too young to know the depth of feeling,
And the power in which I was dealing,

One sad evening my aunt flew away,
And I knew true pain that day,
I vowed to never sing again,
Said goodbye to music; an old friend,
Buried the melody deep within in me,
To live a life less colorful, less free,
All was going quite well as planned,
A simple life as a lonely man,
Call it fate, coincidence I say destiny,
Life introduced you to me, Now I feel a melody,

I may not know, which way my soul will go,
I don't know if there is a heaven or hell,
Have I lived this life right, only time will tell,
But I know, what it feels to burn within your soul,
I know, I know how emotion can take control,
Baby when I sing, you make me give it everything,
From blues to fast grooves, you're the spirit that makes me move,

I could write, until my fingers grow numb,
And that might be enough to reach some,
I could hold you and hug you until the world ends,
And that might not do nothing at all, nothing,
I may not have sweetest voice you ever heard,
My notes may not float like feathers from a bird,
But my love, the oceans will be still mountains will sigh,
The earth will roll and the sky crumble in your mind's eye,
Every tear, every caress, every thought I'll prove,
when I sing to you just how your spirit makes me move

Summer eyes,
Dimpled grin of youth,
A motor city child moves,
Seeking adventure in South Beach,
A heart of gold forged on hard streets,
Optimistic, charismatically opportunistic,
Product of a father's eyes and mother's lies,
I was stopped in my tracks,
The laws of the universe circumvented,
A man from the east now in the south open mouthed,
Our eyes locked, we both took stock,
Only getting a portion of the picture,
I needed a guide you needed a heart to reside,
Idealistic and naive, ready to fall for a fallen idol,
I willing played into your arms,
A willing recipient of your addictive charms,
Unwrapping me behind palm trees and violet sunsets,
The beat of salsa and warm celestial breath across my chest,
Knowing the possible pain I flirted with went unheeded,
Yet those arms, those lips that smile erased all but one thought,
You were the happiness for which I always sought,
Only to awake one morning without you by my side,
Courted, left, empty arms and heart, hollow like the Tin Man.

What is the color of the earth's eyes,
Where does the truth of emotion lie,
What is your prepared alibi,
When you cannot find a way to deny,
You've been holding your desire at bay,
That your being is reaching out in invisible ways,
Tired of the lack of soothing cool sheets provide,
What pillows and other objects cannot make subside,
The rustle of leaves allows no reprieve,
Ignoring what your hands cannot achieve,
What you crave more than breath, food or drink,
So weighty you can't even think,
An automaton with animation,
Feeling like you are beyond explanation,
No one seems to see, hear or feel your frustration,
Another lonely night in darkness’s arms,
A lover with priceless charms who means no harm,
Yes I can see there is more than just flesh and bone,
But desire's razor is sharply honed,
The pain cuts knowing I am alone,
No one will claim my affection as their own,
Lay me down in the field of elderberries,
A marker of any sort is really unnecessary,
I have lived long enough as a treasure buried,
These lips are tired of simply kissing air,
These arms are tired of being bare,
My adoring eyes cannot take anymore cold, unknowing or disapproving stares,
The final remaining leaves fall tenderly on my body,
Only in this life mother earth embraces me,
Another seed full of boundless creativity,
Left untended, belly distended, famished, loveless deed,
More than just a face, or sculpted frame,
A humble edition, waiting for a lover to call my name.
Come to me now, any hour of the day,
Let no trappings of this world get in the way,
Let the secrets of your core be mine to explore,
No restraints, no pictures will I paint, besides that you are with me now,
Love cannot be bound, no way no how,
As selfish as it seems your secrets would stay with me,
Afraid to have my lover discovered by another,
It is frustrating, devastating, hesitating, meditating,
I am constantly fixating and lamenting,
Waiting for a lover.

Hey there mystery,
Kissed by the air's breeze,
Go wherever you please,
I know that without you,
I would not be,
You were meant to flow free,
The need of every existence,
The epitomy of persistence,
I am a virgin in your pressence,
Intoxicated with your essence,
But afraid to go in deeper than my feet,
To my lips you taste so sweet,
If I go in further, will I drown,
But I want to be inside you, above my crown,
Peaceful waters, teach me,
how to live naturally in tranquility,

Peaceful waters,
Gentle and kind,
I'd like you to be a friend of mine,
The rufage of others,
You've born like the sins of the mother,
Washed clean the hands of others,
Somewhere between earth and air,
Into your depths I can't help but stare,
You welcome all, who respect your flow,
Ever moving waters, go where you must go,

I stand at your edge,
Perched on a flat but precarious ledge,
Wanting to be baptzied in your whole,
Trying to commune with an elemental soul,
How can I get over my fears,
I mimic your movement with my own tears,
Peaceful at times, others powerfully graceful,
The way we under apprecate you is hateful,
Other men have turned what's beautiful and pure,
Into an abomination anyone with sense would pity for sure,
Please don't crush me, with the bends,
I just want to be overflowed by you my friend,
Frolicking fearlessly in your embrace,
Feeling like I am weghtless in outer space,
You were the traveler, on the earth first,
An ageless beauty, the only one who can quench my thirst.