Had a mostly fantastic weekend. Lots of company, which I really enjoyed (although I'm in desperate need of space and alone time now.) I did alot of cooking; it's something I enjoy. (The only thing I ever missed from my marriage was cooking for the ex's single friends.) Cleaning up after everyone, not so much.

And to make my weekend even better, I (finally) had sex on the beach. Actual sex. It was fun (it was sex so of course it was fun) but it was just something I wanted to try. And now that I have, I can cross it off my list. And I think I'm going to sleep well tonight. At least for the 4 1/4 hours I'll get before my alarm goes off.)

Almost finished with another notebook...then I only have 3 more to go through, plus a 3 smaller ones and a huge pile of loose papers I wrote on...that's just out of one box. There's more-lots-just hoping that what I'm trying to get through is the only box that held former damp papers.

Out with my friends last night (had a blast) and I run into this cute redhead that has a huge crush on me. I know cause she told me the last couple times I ran into her. I love men, I really do, but that doesn't seem to be working for me. They can't seem to deal with my intensity and can't keep up with me sexually anyway.

And I got called judgemental and narrow-minded, too. Cause I didn't want to talk to someone who ignored me-actually saw me and ran-and when he wouldn't take the hint I didn't wish to speak to him (cause I'm not around to boost anyone's ego) I flipped him off. And I guess I'm mean cause of impressions based on sex. Something most men don't get, almost everything is about sex with me.

I need to shower and get to bed...long weekend (party in town all weekend) so I'm sure I'm not going to get alot of sleep. And I have fluffy jello shots to make.

So, watching tv with my youngest, and this commercial for a tv show comes on, and a comment is made "lack of booty makes you moody." My daughter asked me if that's what's wrong with me. I almost fell off the couch laughing. So I'm going out tonight, going to have a good time with friends, and while I'm not looking for anything, if the right situation presents itself with the right person...cause abstinence isn't really my cup of tea.

I've noticed there's a certain type of man that demands answers, and usually to things that are none of his business, but when it comes to giving me answers about anything having to do with what's going on between us (or not going on) or even being straight-forward and honest in general, they seem to lose the capability of speech. I'm a very private person. I share personal things when I feel comfortable and safe to share them. And demanding answers doesn't make me feel comfortable or safe. Actually, it has the opposite effect of making me distrustful and much less willing to share.

Well, it looks like a beautiful day out. Thinking about heading to the beach later but my youngest made a face when I suggested we do that. She usually doesn't like any suggestions I make so I don't know why she bothers asking me for any. Frequently.

Started going through some of my old notebooks. Some of them are from 20 years ago or more. It was pretty interesting, reading my old poetry. Not so much copying it onto new paper. I've been putting it off for a long time, partly because I have to take them outside since several of them got damp at some point so I don't want them in my living area at all. It's alot of work copying them out by hand. And the other thing is, some of it is very emotional. But it did feel good to be able to toss one. So that's going to be my big project this week, going through my old writing. Hopefully, that will keep me busy enough that I don't spend too much time thinking about sex. Cause the more time I think about that, the more likely I am to rationalize hooking up with someone...and I don't think that's the right thing for me at this time. Cause I need to look farther ahead, to what I want, instead of always living in the moment.

I went to my youngest's play earlier. "Romeo and Juliet." They did something unique, in that all the kids had more than one role, and all the major roles were played by multiple people. I even got a little teary. That's my big secret, I'm a sap. I cry when I watch or read something sad or very emotional. Which is why I prefer action and suspense movies.

My oldest only has 3 months left of school. She's staying at my adoptive mother's so last weekend, her and her fiance moved their stuff back...and it's cluttering up my house in a major way. I can't really do anything with it, either. Hopefully, they'll do something about it this weekend cause it's really bothering me.

I have a busy weekend. My youngest is in a play. They're doing 3 shows this weekend, opening tonight. I'm really hoping my headache goes away so I can go tonight. I have a birthday party to go to Saturday...a dress-up one, retro. I've been to Halloween parties, but never a costume birthday party. Haven't figured out what I'm going to wear yet, other than 80's. And since I'm planning on going out afterwards, I don't want to go over the top, either.

Pretty sure I'm never going out with my neighbor again. Ever. We talked about stuff, so I thought everything was resolved. Apparently, I thought wrong. Friday seemed alright, although I found it odd she went out of her way to talk to the 2 exes of mine we ran into. Cause she only met them through me. (And one of them she goes on and on about how much she hates him.) And Saturday, she got a sudden attitude cause-god forbid-the bartender at one of the places we stop hugged me and said hi to me first. So, she starts arguing with me on the way home, yelling at me so I pulled over. Then she started swearing at me. When I told her to knock it off, she said she didn't have to...at which point I told her to get out of my car. She was absolutely correct. She didn't have to stop calling me a stuck-up bitch and a whore, but I didn't have to listen, either. So my other friend and I waited until her ride showed even though I'm a horrible friend cause I wouldn't listen to her diatribe.

Practicing abstinence for the time being. Don't want to be disappointed with not good sex. And my ego can't handle getting another lame-ass blow-off (when I've been seeing someone awhile) as to why they are suddenly "too busy" instead of respectfully being honest-they've lost interest, met someone else, can't read me, or are just plain out-right a shallow man-whore. I have these stupid feelings to deal with, anyways, that aren't going to magically go away just cause I have sex with someone else.

Been trying to get some writing done. Was doing really well this morning, too, until I saw a bug scurry across the floor. I screamed so loud I woke up my youngest (and neighbors probably heard me, too) and jumped so much that my pen flew a good 6 feet or so. Couldn't focus after that.

Running errands later, thought, hey, I should pick up a new sketchbook. Stupid walmart moved their stuff around again and I couldn't find one. Or maybe they just got rid of all the halfway decent art supplies cause I didn't see any. The joys of small town living. Makes me really think about moving.

Wish my daughter and her fiance would hurry up! I get up in 5 hours and I'm exhausted. I haven't seen them since we went to the hospital to visit my brother. (And I probably won't see much of them while they're here, either.)

Had a pretty nice day. I got woken up at 10:30 this morning by a call from my brother. He's home. Spent a few hours outside between tanning and my garden. Watched a movie with my youngest...she's only been in bed an hour-maybe-which is why I'm still awake.

My friends spotted my side-walk chalk in my car-and yes it's mine-so we drew all over the parking lot. Tons of fun. I can't wait to use my glow-in-the-dark chalk.