My youngest is at a friend's house again. Left me a message informing me she'd be. I don't mind, in fact, I think it's fantastic. It would be nice, though, if she'd actually ask. And maybe plan in advance so I'm not worrying as to why she hasn't gotten home yet.

Best day I've had all week. Feel tons better and my headache for the most part is banished. Went over my checkbook looking for errors cause what the bank said and what my ledger said was over a $200 difference. In my favor. So far, I've found most of them, but I'm still off.

Damn, my daughter just called to inform me her and her friend are coming over. Again, whatever happened to asking? But I guess, that's the end of my time on here for the evening. I'll have to make them dinner and get ready to go out.

I figured, since I'm doing that whole abstinence thing, it would be a good reason for getting a toy. It came today-while I was laying out so I know the UPS man got a real thrill, even if he hadn't commented me sunbathing-but some how, I managed to break it. Putting batteries in. (And no, it isn't a blonde thing, it's a me thing.) So I don't even know if I'll like it. Oh well. Next time, I'll have to get something that looks sturdy, I guess. (And not very complicated would probably be a good idea, too.)

Still have a bit of a headache, but it seems to be getting better. Just in time for the weekend, which is great, because my new bestie is actually available to go out tomorrow and it seems like ages since the last time.

Thinking about changing my hair color again, but my oldest says she'll kill me if I go back to red. And I'd probably regret trying to be a brunette. Maybe it's just boredom; hair is one of the easiest things to change. The blonde works well for me.

I must be feeling better. This is the latest I've been up all week.

Got pretty excited Saturday...my Poet's Market came in the mail, two days earlier than expected. (Turns out when I thought the 10th-11th were on the weekend, my calendar was on the wrong year.) I've always kept my poetry organized by date, but I don't think that's going to work too well for submitting any. I'm finding it all a little overwhelming and it's giving me a tremendous headache. Or maybe it's a migraine that's been bothering me the last few days, and all this reading-and thinking-is exacerbating it.

Well, I was going to have a girls' night...but my youngest called (2nd time today, the first was to inform me she was at a friend's house) originally to tell me she's having dinner there, then that somehow morphed into a sleepover at my house...I've had plenty of alone time...wanted to spend time with grown-ups. (But maybe it's a blessing in disguise cause my sex drive is over-active, even for me. And I don't want to do anything I'll regret. Like certain exes.)

And speaking of, the one in particular calls me to tell me I'm a brat. Because I don't want to do a certain kinky thing with him. And I refuse to explain to him one more time why. I am tired of explaining to him that if he only wants to hook-up with me once a month or so, that I'm not going to be in the mood for anything more than vanilla. I'm not a freakin' toy! I would like to know why some of these men think it's okay for them to treat me as if I were one, but they ALWAYS have an issue with me just wanting sex from them. (And I have the sneaking suspicion that were I to behave like a "typical" female, they'd have an issue with that as well.)

Abstinence. I don't think sex complicates things. I think men do. I don't get attached because of sex. I had someone I hung out with for a good 4 months and had sex frequently, even sleepovers. But the more time I spent with him, the more he got on my nerves. So, the rare times I've been emotionally attached, it's because of the man and nothing to do with sex. (Although it does seem to make me want it more.)

So, one of my friends wants to give me a tattoo. For free, cause I don't have any, just a little one. On my ankle. Being the commitment-phobe I am, I was like, I don't know. I'd have to think about it. For a long time cause it's not like I could change my mind after. But I looked at pictures of Scorpio tattoos, and saw something I kinda like-a tribal-type one. So I mention this to her, and she says she was thinking more along the lines of a heart on my ankle. If I were to get one, it would be somewhere most people wouldn't see. And it wouldn't be so girly. A really long time ago (before children and age) I wanted to get a snake tattoo around my right leg. (And thank god I never did; wouldn't be too awesome-looking now.) Well, I probably wouldn't get one, anyways. But if I were, I'd want a little blue (one of the least likely colors to have an allergic reaction to) tribal-type scorpion on my front right hip.

I was originally planning on doing nothing all day, seeing how it's the first day of school and I'm kinda burned out between helping a friend move and school shopping...but I made chocolate-chocolate chip muffins this morning...and of course there were other chores in need of doing. But as someone who, since early childhood, has always required alot of alone time, I've been relishing the solitude.

I'm really excited cause I was finally able to order a copy of "The Poet's Market 2013." The expected delivery date they gave me was between the 10th and 11th of this month...which is on a weekend. I've recopied well over a hundred pages of my poetry but have a ton yet to go through.

Found out my neighbor across the street had been spreading rumours about me the whole time I was hanging out with her. From telling people I'm a lesbian or they can't be friends with me (cause I supposedly talk bad about everyone) or I can't go out without her...I'm sure she's said way worse, but the thing is, I don't want to know because it doesn't matter. My life has been much more peaceful without her in it. And for that, I'm grateful.

Actually had a pretty good time, other than the two trips to the mall. Didn't have time to write. Didn't really have that much time to think, either. But it was nice, not dealing with any males. Trying to look at the bigger picture of what I want-not what I want right now, at at this moment-but what I want in the future.

I'm so tired; haven't been to bed all night. (And NOT because I've been...busy.) Went out with a couple girlfriends, and one had a bit of family drama, and then she wanted to talk...so in a few minutes before I crawl into my wonderful bed, I'm turning my alarm off. Cause there is no way I'm going to be able to get up in another 40 minutes.

So...here I am, procrastinating/avoiding once again. (Although, in my defense, I am doing more laundery. And eating. Beef bulgogi with fried cabbage, rice, and lots of hot sauce.) My adoptive father told me once that I'm like an ostrich. When they perceive danger, they stick their head in the sand as a means of avoiding it.

I did have coffee with the girls, and have a get-together with them to look forward to when I get back. (Not to mention my wonderful, comfy bed with clean bedding.) Thinking I'd better pack a swimsuit even though I can't go where I used to tan (topless) cause there's a couple houses there now. I always feel like a kid-not in a good way-when I go to my parents. Unresolved issues from childhood, maybe. I'm going to be uncomfortable in so many ways which is why I figure why not be more uncomfortable and look at this situation and how I really feel about it. And if I want to date someone-eventually seriously-or I just want to hook-up casually cause I can't do both.

Laundery's done and I'll finish packing in the morning. Out of the things I want, sleep is the one I can have and I fully intend to take advantage of it.

Loving that my youngest joined basketball. She has practice in the morning, so she's in bed already. And my oldest and her fiance are with friends. (Next week when I come back will be even better when the oldest is gone back to school...just to have the house to myself for 90 minutes!) Not that I can fully take advantage of right now...they could come back anytime.

Tomorrow, I'll be packing. And maybe, if I have time, I'll have coffee with a friend. (I'd make time for the right person, right now...but for everyone else I'm just too tired.) Think I'm too tired to even think straight. Though not too tired to think about sex.

I've been procrastinating cause I don't really want to go on this trip...but then I was thinking there might be a Korean restaurant in the area. I love food. Only one thing I love more. And since the lack of privacy and opportunity is going to insure I'm not going to enjoy my favorite thing, I'll settle for enjoying my second favorite thing. I'll be doing alot of hiking so I'm not going to worry about chunking up in a week.

Well, maybe it will do me some good not being anywhere near anyone I'd be tempted to hook-up with, whether it's a random run-in or purposeful contact cause one or both parties are bored and/or horny. I have to deal with my feelings sometime. Might as well do it when I won't be distracted by other males.

The writing's coming along slowly. Haven't written anything new in about a month, but that's okay. I have so much to go through yet. Maybe one of these days I'll share something. But most publishers want first copyrights to anything, and sharing something online is considered publishing it.