hard to believe that it's been almost 2 years... since i've drank... since i've blogged... i've been here a time or 2.. i do believe i've changed... lots!!!

i moved out of the house over a year ago...i got a new job... i've divorced... i bought a frickin harley... love, love, love it!!!!

life the last year has been hard for sure, everything i've went through has been totally worth it though...my mum said i'm being treated like the queen and that i always should have been!! that's some serious stuff coming from a mum and all...

i hope everyone here is well... i miss you all lots!!!

xoxo.. jacquie

i was gonna do something today... something that i've wanted to do for a long long time.... but when i got there i all of a sudden got super self conscious.... me.... go figure...i couldn't get out of the car...i sat for a few minutes... started crying a bit and then left...i am so angry and upset with myself for being such a fucking wimp but at the same time i'm just so not used to doing shit with a clear head... seems simple enough to everyone i'm sure...i so wish it was...maybe in a month i'll have moved along a bit more.....

would have thought that getting sober would cause so much fucking drama????? go figure....

how life is... some crazy really fucked up shit can happen... did happen and yet so much good came out of it... i would have never thought even a week ago that i would be i guess at peace with shit... tonite i feel like... good, just really really good... i rather like it.... i guess i'll just keep doing what i'm doing... let go of the shit i can't control and let everything fall where it will.... after all, with all my trying just seems like i can't control the universe...

hope everyone had a happy, happy weekend.... mwa jacquie

ho

i'm saying good bye to a great friend of mine tonite... i have known them/it my whole life....i'm excited for it yet so pissed off at at the whole situation...the mr. has been awesome... there is so much i want to say but i think i need to say it in another place first.....

hope you all had a happy monday... mwa jacqueline

i don't get why he cares more about that than this....

i want to hope... i want to think... i want to feel that there will be a change... but....the last two years have sucked i'm sure there was a reason....

i'm going into this thinking that this is it....

i had the most wonderful weekend with my whole house (okay my mum pissed me off but she doesn't live here)...

the reason i know...the change i feel it yet i'm having trouble believing it .....having trouble thinking it... all i know is i only have here and now to live and i will...

happy sun/mon all ............ jacq

was only a matter of time!!!

to anyone who didn't know what to say to my last blog if you read it.... totally okay... shoe on the other foot i wouldn't know what to say to you!!!!

new year that i'm totally excited about... the oldest alan started cosmo school... he's been doing and is going to do awesome and i'm so proud of him.... the boys at home... well shoot lets just say i'm so proud of them too!!

paul is pulling some totally brutal hours at work but it's getting us caught up i think... finacial aid (for school) sucks ass if you want to know the truth....

i'm a bit worried about my job at work in a sense and then again i'm not.... i'm a strong person and will take it as it comes.... just hope it comes gentle.... work that is.... hahahaha...

happy monday mwa jacq!!!

i never left here but i had to detach for a minute .... like 18 months worth....i wanted to blog my everything but i found out some were looking at my blog that really as far as i'm concerned had no business (like my son's ex)... we are a fun family but we really aren't all that exciting......okay we are but whatever....

so anyone that wants to read my whatever so be it.... there is nothing that can be done to my son or myself period ..except for talkin smack... bad on anyone who does that... shit is what it is.... i sound crazy i don't care i'm going to go to the front of what i've typed ....okay i came back to the back...lol....

if i could type this here would it make a difference??? it wouldn't with it... but would it with me? i think i'm ready and i never am... but why????

you know what fuck it....

we found out july 09 our son is HIV pozz.... there i said it ... lets how i feel in the morn...

happy saturday all... jacq