is shrinking and I am thinking it is a good thing.
My world has always been reasonably small, tho some of you have chosen not to see it that way.
I do not nor have I ever belonged to any and every one who thinks that saying "hi" entitles them to a space in my life.
I like my world small and I love that the people who I have chosen to share space with, share equally with me.
There really is something to that friendship thing,
ju

You can chose to believe or disbelieve, I am just going to tell you what happened.
It started in October 2007. My bro wanted to order his son an iPod nano for Christmas. He placed the order and was informed his credit card was maxed. Undeterred because this is what his son really wanted for Christmas he borrowed his best friends credit card and placed the order. Several weeks later not one but 2 iPod cases and docks arrived, all in seperate packages, in advance of the iPod itself. This is when it began to get a little "odd".
The dreams began.
Each time he thought of returning one of the docks and cases he would dream of our Nana.
Our Nana died just over 6 years ago.
Nana kept saying to wait and that she would show him what to do. My bro has always been "psychic" and decided to listen.
During this period there were more dreams. Very definite was the colour pink. Not a pastel pink a very definite bubble gum or pink panther pink is how he describes it. The pink was like a ball being passed from my Nana to my daughter. Nana became nano and then Nana again as the ball was being passed back and forth. The constant message was "wait" I will show you what to do.
The first I heard of any of this was several weeks after Christmas, my bro and I aren't at all close. He asked me if my daughter had gotten an iPod and if a metalic pink meant anything to me.
I emailed back and said she had been given a metalic pink mp3 player but not an iPod, which was what she really wanted.
This is when he chose to explain the dreams to me.
At this point it got even more "strange" the credit card bills came in. There was NO record of an Ipod or case or dock on the bill. The dreams were still coming saying to "wait"
Numerous calls were made to double check if the statements were correct. No one could believe a mistake like this was made. My bro and his best friend were reassured on the phone and with a second statement that these charges did indeed not exist.
The waiting continued. His son over heard a conversation and said there is no such thing as a pink nano. You could get skins for them but they are pastel colours. My bro was very definite that the colour was a bright bubble gum or pink panther pink, so this wasn't making much sense.
He chose to email me again. It was a very convoluted email, like he assumed I knew everything going on up to this point. It actually took me several times to read it before I sort of understood what he was saying. One of the questions was "If my daughter could have an iPod what would she want engraved on it?"
At this time I let her read the what appeared to be crazy emails. Without skipping a beat she said she would want her full name. Her middle name is my Nana's first name.
We got an email back saying that that made total sense and that the dock and case would be mailed priority post the following day. The iPod was going to be ordered.
We were well into Feb by now, well past Christmas and my daughters birthday which is at the beginning of Jan.
I got an email the next day, he was in total shock.
He was able to order a "New" colour (what else pink) iPod nano.
Of course we are all blown away by these events.
What arrived today, Valentines Day for my daughter was a PINK Ipod as we call it now Nana O engraved with her full name.
The universe does indeed work in mysterious ways.
The love from "the other side" is sometimes not quite so obvious but it is there IF we chose see it.
In awe,
ju

We have had enough snow over the last few weeks. Yeah I know I love it but now we are running out of places to put it and I am more than ready to see some colour in my world!



That is my snow bank, it is at least 12' wide if not more. There is just no more room! If we have another storm they are going to have to come in and truck some of it away.
I know some of you get more than this but I was asked to post my snowbank. There it is, the not so pretty part of winter.
Longing for green,
ju
*edit, that IS a colour pic, NOT b&w!

buses were cancelled again today. I seriously need a break. I haven't had one since Cristmas.
Going squirrely,
ju

Remember summers as a kid? Nothing and everything seemed to happen. The days were long and lazy, one rolled into another.
I was shocked to find life went on without me while I was away. A few friends and of course family wrote but it just wasn't the same as being there. My first shock on getting home, my parents redecorated my room. My space wasn't mine. It wasn't what I left and missed during those 6 long weeks. Not only had my room changed so had the kitchen. A window had been knocked out to make way for a sliding glass door. This may seem minor but when you are 12 years old and yearning to go back to what you knew, it was devestating. Home wasn't quite the same as I left it. I felt left out, a stranger in the house I called home.
Getting together with friends was painful too. Imagine my shock finding out that they had been busy and had forged new friendships over the summer, almost as if I didn't exist. It was a lot to take in. I knew my life had changed what I hadn't anticipated was that everyone elses would too.
There was one common theme among my friends that lasted for what seemed like forever. They all kept telling me to slouch damnit! My posture had changed dramatically. I am sure I looked odd to them this kid with a totally upright carriage whether standing sitting or walking. It was something they had to get used to because by this time it was ingrained in me. Hours and hours of being yelled at to stand correctly had worn off.
I had a few weeks before school started and that time was largely taken up with getting reaquainted with my life as I thought I knew it and the search for the perfect ballet school at home.
By this time it had been established by me and the powers that be that I was going to continue to dance. There was NO question that I was going to just dive into Miss Suzys ballet school. From afar the research was being done. I was going to be trained by the best.
The first week of school and the first week of classes almost coincided. I started a new school for grade 7 and started dancing at a new studio.
I started to become not comfortable with constant change but at least familiar with the impact it would have on me.
ju

was pretty uneventfull except for one thing, my claim to fame sorta
Classes went on, 8 hours a day of ballet.
I made friends, we struggled to survive away from home in the best way we knew how.
Jeff, Dawn, Stanley and Pidg remained my rocks.
I actually learned to play pool and fuse ball. Those guys weren't about to be nice to me and let me win.
So we come to my claim to fame.
Elvis was in town and rumour had it he was staying at the Hilton across the street. A bunch of us went over there and attempted to get to his floor. Yeah right. Access denied.
We did however wait outside to see him. To this day I have the autographs of those who claimed to be in his band. I'm thinking they may have been lucky to be locals who were hired as stage hands.
We clustered around a side door for hours and hours. I don't remember what we did to keep busy but I also don't remember being bored.
I was of course one of the smaller ppl there, hell I barely knew who Elvis was. I wormed my way to the front. Finally he came out. It all happened very quicky. He had on a costume, typical Elvis style. He had a jacket over his shoulders. He appeared and people began to push and shove. I was shoved into him and when I hit his coat came off of his shoulders. His first reaction was to grab for the gun he had in the back of his pants.
I did my best to get the hell out of there, that frickin gun scared the hell out of me.
For the next upteen years I gloated to everyone that would listen that I was shoved into Elvis.
wasn't I lucky?
ju

my first obsession/addiction. As much as I hated where I was geographically I was falling in love with ballet.
It would be at least another 3 or 4 years before I was able to label it in my mind and understand what drove me.
I stopped hating the classes and began to see them as a challenge I could and would meet. Being away from home became matter of fact. If I wanted to persue this I had to be where I was.
That by no means made it easy.
During the 3rd week I was away my parents and siblings came to visit me.
By this time I had settled in and felt as tho I was obligated to see it through.
I think they stayed for almost a week, I really don't remember. What I do remember is the day they were leaving. I cried hysterically. I missed "normal" so much. I was inconsolable.
My Mom and Dad asked me repeatedly if I wanted to go home.
I didn't, what I did want was for home to come to me.
That, of course was impossible.
Gasping for breath, wiping the tears, my heat breaking I waved good bye.
For better or worse I had plotted a course, a journey that would take over the next 10 years of my life.

That I had potental.
This had nothing what so ever to do with the hard work I had been putting in 8 hrs a day. It did have everything to do with something I had no control over.
My physique. It was something I was born with, it was me, who I was. But in the insular world of ballet it was everything.
At the age of 12 I learned to see my physical self and my spirtual self as totally different entities.
I am finding this journey much more difficult than I had anticipated.
It does however explain a lot to me and in the process to you.
Missing my Christy girl, she knew and understood, she travelled a parallel road,
ju

.

like we do every Fri. evening. Our conversations cover every thing from the mundane to the spititual. Tonight was a paricularly spiritual conversation. You might be suprised to know that we even spoke of some of you.
During the course of the conversation she suggested I write down my experiences. Many of which she wasn't there for. Partly to help me figure out my path in this life and partly as a legacy to my kids.
I left home for the first time at the age of 12. I was only one month into my 12th year and was offered an opportuntity that changed me forever.
I won't ask at this point if you want to hear it, I am just going to start.
My Grandfather had married a woman who was and might still be for all I know very big in the ballet world (she should be if not dead than damn close to it by now). I was asked if I wanted to go with them to spend a summer in North Carolina, Greensboro to be exact.
Initially there was no mention what so ever of me being expected to take classes. It was to be a holiday for me.I wanted to go as scary as it was to leave home and venture into the unknown.
My flight to say the least was interesting. I was well under age and therefore had escorts. I left Toronto and landed in NYC. Don't ask me which airport, I don't remember. What I do rememeber is being escorted off of an Eastern airlines flight and walking forever with the flight attendant that was my "guardian" for that leg of the trip. She escorted me to American Airlines, they were expecting me. They took me into a back room of the airport were there was a birthday celebration for one of the pilots. I remember being so intimidated by all of these super confident people in uniform, they couldn't convince me to eat any of the treats.
At this point in writing it crosses my mind you might be waiting for a sexual experience. Don't hold your breath. They were all wonderfull and when we finally landed in Greensboro they weren't ready to let me go even though I had identified my grandfather who was waiting to pick me up. He had to prove he was my grandfather before they would release me.
The next day it got interesting.
I was TOLD I would be taking classes, my grandparents had no time for me they were far too busy.
And so began my journey into the world of ballet.
I think I need to continue this for me, not you.
It is time I let go of it all.
For better or worse I am taking you with me.
If nothing else you will learn not just a little but a lot about me.
Dunno why I feel the need to spew now, blame my Mom.
ju