michael1's Blog - page 10

please look at the blog before Two Very Good Questions.....

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Question 1:
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If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind,one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an abortion?
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Read the next question


before scrolling down to the answer of this one.
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Question 2:
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It is time to elect a new world leader,and your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:

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Candidate A:
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Associates with crooked politicians,
and consults with astrologists.
He's had two mistresses.
He also chain smokes
and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
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Candidate B:
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He was kicked out of office twice,
sleeps until noon,
used opium in college
and drinks a quart of whisky
every evening.
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Candidate C:
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He is a decorated war hero.
He's a vegetarian,
doesn't smoke,
drinks an occasional beer
and hasn't had any
extramarital affairs.
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Which of these candidates would be your choice?
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(Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answer).





V

V
V
V
V
V
V
Candidate A is Franklin D.Roosevelt,

Candidate B is Winston Churchill,

Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.
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And by the way:
Answer to the abortion question if you said yes,
V
V
V
you just killed BEETHOVEN!!
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Pretty interesting isn't it?
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hitler only had a mistress before he married her.#1 never judge anyone #2 its really not what we believe, not what we say but, what we do...live well// love well//

my son is going to a wedding in oct. he is a young comedian here in florida, and is friends with alot of florida comedians. the guy that is gettting married use to tour in fl. and ca. with mitch hedberg. alot of comedians are going to be here for the wedding. we wish mitch could be too. it is always sad when someone dies .but when they are young and have so much more to give . that always stays with you; I like the hotels that have the rotating restaurants, you know? I've never been in a rotating restaurant, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, I put her on it, and I gave her a burrito.

At a stoplight, green means go, yellow means slow down, and red means stop. For a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go right ahead, and red means, dude, where the fuck did you get that banana at?

This guy asked me if I wanted a frozen banana and I said, "No ... but I would like a regular banana later, so ... yeah."

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes.

Tortillas are sleeping bags for ground beef.

A sleeping bag is a tortilla for a human.

Popsicles are for the summertime.

I don't have a microwave but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks shit.


I order a club sandwich all the time. And I'm not even a member. I don't know how I get away with it. "I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread." "So do I." "Well lets form a club then." "Okay, but we're gonna need more stipulations." "Yes we do." "Instead of cutting it once, let's cut it again." "Yeah, four triangles." "And we will position them in a circle. And in the middle we will dump chips." "Or potato salad." "Ok." "Let me ask you a question, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks?" "I'm for 'em!" "Well, this club is formed. Spread the word on menus nationwide." "I like my sandwiches with alfalfa sprouts." "Well you're not in the fucking club!"


I saw a wino; he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude — you have to wait!"


One time I had a Jack and coke and it had a lime in it, And I saw that the lime was floating. That's good news man. Next time I'm on a boat and it capsizes, I'll reach for a lime... I'll be water skiing without a life preserver and people'll say 'What the hell?' and I'll pull out a lime...and a lemon too. I'm saved by the buoyancy of citrus.


I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.

You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and it still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.


I tried to have a cookie, and this girl said, "I'm mailing those cookies to my friend," so I couldn't have one. You shouldn't make cookies untouchable.


They could take sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine 5 years from now saying, "Damn, remember sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank! They're going to have to change that McDonalds song to, 2 all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a... bun. "What's a sesame seed grow into?" I don't know, we never give them a chance. What the fuck is a sesame?! It's a street. It's a way to... open.. shit. How does a sesame seed stick to a bun? That's fuckin' magical. There has to be some sesame seed glue out there. Either that or they're adhesive on one side. Peel off the backing, place it on the bun. Now your bun will look spectacular!


Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.


Fettuccine alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.


I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.


I was at a fair, and they were having a contest. It said, "Guess how many jelly beans there are in the jar" and you win a prize. "Ah c'mon, man, lemme just haaaave some. Tell you what, you guess how many I want. If you said a handful, you are right."


"I have long hair, and see, people associate long hair with drug use. I wish long hair was associated with something other than drug use, like 'an extreme longing for cake'. People would see a guy with long hair and say "damn, that fucker eats cake, he's on bundt cake". Mothers telling their daughters "don't bring the cake-eater over here anymore, he smells like flour. Did you notice how his eyes widened when he found out your birthday was fast approaching?"


I want to get a job as someone who names kitchen appliances. Toaster, refrigerator, blender....all you do is say what the shit does, and add "er". I wanna work for the Kitchen Appliance Naming Institute. Hey, what does that do? It keeps shit fresh. Well that's a "Fresher" ...I'm going on break.


I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.


Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1000 of something is too many. I'll have 1000 pieces of noodle.


I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil... and the devil was Dill.


You know they call corn-on-the-cob "corn-on-the-cob," but that's how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that "corn," and call every other version "corn-off-the-cob." It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call it "Mitch," then reattach it and call me "Mitch-all-together."


It would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food, and then the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring, and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there and the carrot would say, "It's cool, he's with me."


I like baked potatoes, but they take too long to make. Sometimes I throw one in the oven, even if I don't want one. By the time it's done, who knows? I throw one in and go on vacation.

also took the quiz in ditzy's blog: your distinct personality, The White Knight, might be found in most of the thriving kingdoms of the time. Don Quixote was a White Knight as was Joan of Arc, the Lone Ranger and Crusader Rabbit. As a White Knight you expect nothing in return for your good deeds. You are one of the true "Givers" of the world. You are the anonymous philanthropist who shares your wealth, your time and your life with others. To give, is its own reward and as a White Knight you seek no other. On the positive side you are merciful, sympathetic, helpful, giving and heroic. On the negative side you may be impulsively decisive, sentimental and misdirected. Interestingly, your preference is just as applicable in today's corporate kingdoms.

today was a travel day . sometimes its good to listen to music that has no words . only the music . today was a smooth jazz day . i think to some it might be classical, or a guitar solo . like guitartx or slash . all good. . heard this song today its a remake of a old song done in smooth jazz style by juanita, o.k. i was not holding anyone today . but it made me think how great hugs are ! All I ever wanted,
All I ever needed,
Is here - In my arms,
Words are very, unnecessary,
They can only do harm,

Enjoy the silence,
Enjoy the silence,

Enjoy the silence,

Words like violence,
Break the silence,
Come crashing in,
Into my world,
Painful to me,
Pierce right through me,
Can't you understand,
All I ever wanted,
All I ever needed,
Is here - In my arms,
Words are very, unnecessary,
They can only do harm,

Vows have spoken,
To be broken,
Feelings are intense,
Words are trivial,
Pleasures remain,
So does the pain,
Words are meaningless,
And forgettable,

All I ever wanted,
All I ever needed,
Is here - In my arms,
Words are very, unnecessary,
They can only do harm,

Enjoy the silence...
Enjoy the silence...
a bit out there, i think but, holding (hugging) someone can be quite amazing ... love well// live wel/// cheers!

michael's Existing Situation
Seeks to share a bond of understanding intimacy in an esthetic atmosphere of peace and tenderness.


michael's Stress Sources
Wishes to be independent, unhampered, and free from any limitation or restriction, other than those which he imposes of himself or by his own choice and decision.


michael's Restrained Characteristics
An unadmitted lack of confidence makes him careful to avoid open conflict and he feels he must make the best of things as they are.
Very exacting in the standards he applies to his choice of a partner and seeking a rather unrealistic perfection in his sex life.




michael's Desired Objective
Intense, vital, and animated, taking a delight in action. Activity is directed towards success or conquest and there is a desire to live life to the fullest.


michael's Actual Problem
Fights against restriction or limitation, and insists on developing freely as a result of his own efforts.

well someone came up with the idea that the mgrs.as a reward should all go to a fancy (top notch) golf course and play golf tomorrow. i am certain i can hit a golf ball futher with a baseball bat than a golf club especially if they allowed foul balls. thank god ! there will be beer and good friends ( ok not in that order.) it took me awhile but i came up with something to let my golf skills be known ; Silence Please!

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It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and I was at the beginning of my pre-shot routine, visualising my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the loudspeaker.

"Would the gentleman on the women's tee back up to the men's tee please!"

I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.

Again the announcement came: "Would the gentleman on the women's tee kindly back up to the men's tee!"

I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating when once more, the man yelled, "WOULD THE MAN ON THE WOMEN'S TEE PLEASE BACK UP TO THE MEN'S TEE!!"

I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the microphone and shouted back, "WOULD THE IDIOT IN THE CLUBHOUSE KINDLY SHUT UP AND LET ME PLAY MY SECOND SHOT!"
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getting ready to go to orlando for the day. it was a great weekend. it is the little things we do in life.

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Martin wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits up and notices his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Martin looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless and clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"

So he goes to the kitchen and, sure enough, there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Martin asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 a.m., drunk and delirious. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Martin asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, 'Get your hands off me, bitch! I'm married!'"

Moral of the Story:
Self-induced hangover... $100
Broken furniture... $2,000
Breakfast... $10
Saying the right thing to your wife when you're drunk... PRICELESS
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"Never argue with an idiot they'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experiance." Dilbert: Cartoon created by Scott Adams, American cartoonist, born 1957.

i love fall here 60s at nite, 80s in the day and no more humidity .vollyball this morning ,then i made tiramisu it needs a few hours to get ready in the frige. not sure what dinner is. going on the food network to find something new.got some wood today just in case we have a 50s nite. so i can use the fireplace.hope everyones having a great weekend! saw this and its sometimes been true, except my clothes dryer is my iron. Things To Do TODAY

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I don't want to do the dishes,
I don't want to do the wash,
I sprinkled clothes a week ago
And now my iron is lost!

I don't wanna clean the pots,
I don't wanna rattle pans,
I wanna read my e-mail,
And chat with all my friends!

The table needs some dusting
and the floor could sure be mopped,
But I know if I get started
There'll be no place to stop.

The closets are so full
Things are falling off the shelves,
I wish for cleaning fairies
And magic laundry elves!

They could sprinkle fairy dust
And twitch their little nose,
And the windows would be sparkling
And I'd have no dirty clothes.

I don't know what I'm saying,
My head is in the sky,
I must cook that meat that's graying
And bake that apple pie!

My sons' needs a flea bath,
The dog needs some attention...
Oh, the other way around I mean!
My brain is in suspension!

I am running round in circles,
I am getting nothing done,
I keep thinking of the internet,
I'm missing all the fun!
<br>I know I'm not addicted
Though I hear that all the time,
But I guess this stuff will have to wait,
Cause today I'll be ON LINE!!!

we had a cold front come thru yesterday. when i got up this morning it was 65 or less outside. one of the great things about living north of tampa is its always a least 5 degrees cooler here . so i went for a walk with scooby (my dog) at about 6 am you could just smell the cool air it was great. i was going stay at my home store today but when i heard low 80's and little humidity. i took the top down on my car and visited stores. it was a great day.everyone is bringing a dish at my home store tomorrow. i am getting ready to have a glass of wine and make spaghetti.tomorrow nite alot of people from alot of stores are getting together , just to have a drink and say cheers.we all put in alot of hours the last week or so and reaped the thangs we needed to do !!! today i have a song its from the eagles they have the #1 selling album of all time u.s.a.greatest hits 1971 -1975 and are tied at # 13 with hotel california here is the title track from that album. hope everyones day is great and tomorrow even better. rock on ! live well/love well/On a dark desert highway
Cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy, and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself
This could be Heaven or this could be Hell
Then she lit up a candle
And she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely place (background)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year
Any time of year (background)
You can find it here
You can find it here

Her mind is Tiffany twisted
She's got the Mercedes bends
She's got a lot of pretty, pretty boys
That she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard
Sweet summer sweat
Some dance to remember
Some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain
Please bring me my wine
He said
We haven't had that spirit here since 1969
And still those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely Place
Such a lovely Place (background)
Such a lovely face
They're livin' it up at the Hotel California
What a nice surprise
What a nice surprise (background)
Bring your alibies

Mirrors on the ceiling
Pink champagne on ice
And she said
We are all just prisoners here
Of our own device
And in the master's chambers
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives
But they just can't kill the xxxxx
Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find the passage back to the place I was before
Relax said the nightman
We are programed to recieve
You can check out any time you like
But you can never leave

more ways to keep a healthy level of insanity and drive other people crazy!!!! !!!!!! Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.
Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
Insist that your e-mail address be: zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
Put decaf in the coffee-maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car's windshield wipers running during all weather conditions to keep 'em tuned up.
Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers, then cc them to your boss.
Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
Don't use any punctuation.
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Ask people what sex they are.
At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
Stomp on plastic ketchup packets.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Honk and wave at strangers.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, then eat the complimentary mints by the cash register.
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they did not send it to you and say "I have asked you not to send me stuff like this."