Once again you pervs are helping me through an uncomfortable situation. I started cleaning my stuff up today and did a lot of my "out processing." Next week I get to go down to Ft Bragg and spend another 10 days worth...meanwhile I could probably finish it in 1 day! Oh well, I will eNNjoy the last of my alone time before I'm back with my family.

On an even more awesome note...a friend from there (who is on the board of an organization which trains service dogs) is going to hook me up!!! I'm getting a service dog school drop out...somehow its fitting.. lmfao!! It seems Poppy cant handle the frozen food section so im getting and EXTREMELY well trained pet (65 commands). I will then get her certified as a therapy dog. I'm so excited. We have decided to surprise the boys, they are going to go nuts!!! My wife asked if she could cook...if she can my wife's ass might be on the curb!
Once again, if anyone has taken the time...thank you. NNite

I'm baaacckkkk, sort of. So much has happened since the last time I blogged, and NN is not the same. I dont expect anyone to read this which is why it is such a relief.
I'm once again coming off active duty with the Army. Cant believe I have been doing the military thing for 29 years!
Truth be told, I'm scared shitless to go home. I've been living "by myself" for a year and a half and now I'm going to have expectations placed upon me.
As bad as it sounds, I feel like I'm better as a part-time spouse and father...I get so frustrated when I have to do it full-time! I'm not worthy of the family I have now, a beautiful wife and two amazing (my youngest) boys. I only hope I can live up to their expectations.
To add more excitement, I have stopped my meds for my PTSD because I no longer want that crutch...I am stronger than that.
If anyone has read this, thank you, this is my stumbling attempt to pour it out once again...

so after 2 years the VA has finally made a decision! i am now an official disabled american veteran. it appears that i now have a major depressive disorder (duh) and have ptsd (double duh). in some ways i feel a little worse because now i am labeled. it is a huge load off my mind however. the hoops they make you jump through to "prove" that all the shit i saw may have had an impact on me. sounds simple, right? after 21 years i am about ready to call it quits with the reserves. i have decided to go back to school and get my masters. i am going to become a nurse practitioner (like my wife).
on the brightest note, our son is doing wonderfully! he is now 5 months. 15 1/2 lbs and 26 inches. growing like a little weed. rolling over and really interacting. i don't feel as if i took my other boys for granted, but this time i have slowed down enough to really enjoy it. he is amazing. my wife has also taken to motherhood like a duck to water. she is awesome with the baby.
on the final note, i am actually thinking of writing a book about my experiences in iraq. there are so many out there that i'm sure no one will pick it up, but it may be cathartic for me. something to pass along to my family at least....who knows.....
well all, thanks for reading and have a beautiful NN day. i hope tpo catch up with you all soon.

i have shared my issues with PTSD. most, but not all, of my issues can be narrowed down to one incident we had with a young marine. the damage he sustained will ALWAYS be with me. it always bothered me because we did not know his name and had little interaction with his unit, so there was almost a sense of not having closure.
we had this "young" marine in the other day. he only came to us because he could not get an appointment for bethesda (the navy hospital where marines usually go) for a trial of a drug to treat an abnormal heart beat. he is a realtively healthy young man with no battle injuries. we started talking a little and sure enough he was deployed to iraq at the same time i was. we talked a little more and i told him where i was, he was just west of us in falluja...ok, he was close. then i told him about my experience with this young marine..........and can you fucking believe it??????, he was this kids commander! i now know the young marine's name. i know how he was injured. i also found out that he and the medice who was first on scene have suffered many of the same issues with this young man as i have had. i was in turn able to provide him with information regarding his treatment and about how hard we worked on him. of all the stuff he has seen in his deployments, that was the most devastating for him as well. i had a dream last night where we were treating him, but this time i was able to call him by his name and tell him that everything will be ok. i do not feel "cured" by a long shot, but i feel as if i have suddenly taken a large step forward.
he has promised to send me pictures of him when he was alive and we will keep in touch.
miracles DO happen....of all the gin joints.......lol

so i went shopping today (hate it) and when i was walking down an aisle....low and behold, there were Tim Tams for sale!!!!! yup i had to buy some considering i heard that they are yummy. they had chocolate and caramel, so i went with caramel. now off to my dinner of artichoke, corn, rice, and roast chicken! it smells great!

for the first time in my life i have "let myself go". i am one that has worked out and kept in shape since hight school. don't get me wrong....i NEVER had the body to die for, or was one to catch the attention of the ladies based on so said body...but i always worked at it. well, for the last 6 monthes or so, i have done very little. yes, i have noticed the difference and most of my clothes don't fit, but i haven't really cared! that is until now. i am finally starting to get that itch back and am ready to begin anew. i only hope its not "too late"....lol. at my advanced age and all i am sure it will be a challenge to get back. the real problem is that i love to eat and drink my beer. we shall see.
on other notes, mom and baby are doing well. it is amazing now with the 3-D ultrasounds. my wife is already saying that the baby has my nose (one thing she was hoping it didn't have). we are still tossing around names. right now we are considering Brandon, Landon, and Tyler. i think they are all good names, but in the end i'm sure it will be my wife's call. she did freak out a little on me this morning though because suddenly she wants the babies room done. mind you the last time i was home i worked on it and she was happy with the progress. hormones maybe. i have 4 days off at the end of the month so it will be done then.
i have taken enough of ur precious time. i hope all is well out there in NN land.
lastly, to all my veteran friends out there, a number of reataurants have offers on Veteran's Day. Appleby's will give you a free meal. Outback will give you a bloomin onion and a drink. just remember to take ur ID card or ur DD214. Happy Veteran's Day to all of you. it is only appropriate that i have to work that day......lmao. peace........out......

what a horrific tragedy at ft hood!!! the real shame of it is going to be the backlash on the muslim people in general. there are evil people in EVERY religion and non-religious as well. i have some friends (whom i consider to be close) who are muslim and i would do anything for them. i also know many people with whom i share the same faith with that i would never stick my neck out for. unfaortunately there are sick (or evil) people with whom we deal with every day. my thoughts and prayers go out to the people and family members who are affected! when we will ever learn to get along and share as a WHOLE people????? i have seen the horror that people are more than willing to heap on each other and i wonder who can inflict it and feel any sense of "satisfaction". don't get me wrong...i am not a complete pacifist, if someone were trying to hurt my family, myself, or "my country" i would be more than willing to retaliate or defend! but to knowingly and willingly do that to another human being is despicable....... my thoughts and prayers to ALL those who are affected!!!!!!!

i went golfing (yes i know hoe a lot of you feel about golf). the day was cold, but the trees had turned and it was a beautiful "mountain course". we played at West Point. if there are any golfers reading this, you really have to play the course. it is open to the public nd is very scenic on a bad day. i played with my wife's uncle and some of his buddies. yes i lost a few dollars (i told you i suck at golf, right), but we told a few jokes and such. it also made me realize how much i really do miss home. i have such a comfrt level around here.
i also got a lot of work done on the baby's room (that was the condition for me playing golf). my wife just ahs to make a few more decisions on what she wants and i can finish up. she is at that "i'm fat" stage!!!! i couldn't disagree more, i think she is at that really cute pregnant stage! but of course she doesn't listen to me....whatever....lol
well, have a good one everybody. that's all i got!!! lol.

lately i have been lamenting things at work. i have ranted about my schedule and such......but really!!!!! sometimes you have to stand back and put things in perspective. it often takes a friend to do that and it is funny when the friend doesn't even realize it! i came across a blog today and they were having "problems" at work as well. only their problem was that their hours were being cut back involuntarily! suddenly I HAVE NO PROBLEM AT WORK!!!! sure i would like certain days off and who wouldn't want to work less for the same money? this doesn't even mention my friends who are either jobless (don't want to be) or who are "underemployed". i have a great life....a good job and everything that i NEED. sure i have wants and dreams like the next person, but i am truely blessed to have what i do. and as i said....it often takes a friend to make you realize. thank you again...and again. when i hit the lottery, i will help you all!! have a great day/night.

for a whilenow i have been in touch with a patient that i took care of..... he came in intoxicated (two admits in a week). he admits that he has been drinking more since his time in iraq. something i can totally understand! well, they went at him pretty hard and he "ran"...he left against medical advice because they couldn'tleave well enough alone....they tried ganging up on him, scaring him, etc. what they didn't try to do was ask questions and then....LISTEN!!!!!! i did and we have been keeping in touch. i finally talked him into going to the VA to see what they can offer him. he was excited because he was able to see that there are others like him and there are people who will listen (they are hard to find)....the VA has come a long way. so i at least left my appointment today a little fulfilled. hopefully he follows through with his visits and gets the help which he needs.
with my issues, we finally got around to my trust issues today. the point of the type of therapy i am doing is to feel the events and process them with the help of the therapist. well, i finally admitted to mine today that i may very well never get to the point that i feel comfortable enough sharing my emotions. i have been hurt'disappointed way too many times in my life to share with someone who i have known for 4 months. that may be why NN is an escape for me as i can share without really "knowing" any of you. i admit that there are a few that i wish to know and i have had the opportunity to meet one man in particular, but there is a safety net with the internet. for all i know, i could be talking to one of you every day at work....and neither of us would be wiser. please remember that this long-winded blog is on 24 hrs without sleep and a couple of 7&7s....lol. i am still waiting for my sitdown by the way, because it will be on MY terms!!!!!!! have a wonderful NN day!!!!!!