with our "acting head nurse".....she proceeded to telll me that the changes which were made were absolutely fair. she also told me that she went over the "numbers" and everything was in order......lmao. when i asked why change "x" wasn't made instead....she had no answer!, when i used her numbers to show where she was wrong....she had no answer! when i asked her why she (and a few others) weren't rotating to nights (as we were told we ALL would) she replied, "i'm going to nights this next schedule, see........erm, wait i'm not....let me look into that." she must think i'm dumber than a brick! she has also gone to her boss to explain to him that i may be calling him and presented her case in an attempt to soften the blow. then she tried to get me to go to a meeting with him on her terms! nope, sorry, i'm not available now.......i will let him know. oh yeah, i got this!!!!!!
on a brighter note, i have been in chat lately and have had the pleasure of meeting a few new friends. people who are great to chat with and whom i can share a few funny stories. for bamanec and bamanecgirl a big shout out! i also enjoyed the chat with belongstohim. you ladies are just lucky that i am happily married, OR ELSE!!!!!! (as if i would get the chance! lol. to my close friends here, J, md, dummy, cricket, sea, ken, mrsO, mrO, cas, snipersand, etc...thanks for all the support. i look forward each day to hearing how things are. xxxxxxxx to you all!

i know that i always seem to rant in my blogs, but it appears that i become most inspired when i'm pissed. yes, i did enjoy the solitary feels and sounds at 0530 this morning, but i am not as moved as when i am "assaulted". my schedule for the month came out and i began planning my life accordingly.....i try to make it home as often as i can as it is hard for my wife to run the house by herself. sure we have someone to cut the grass, clean the gutters, etc....but many things are mine to do. i WANT to be there to do it even though i "live" 4 hrs away. well, i give my wife a copy of my schedule, make plans for this and that, well low and behold, my schedule changes. i am now working days which i had planned to come home, etc. the "funny" thing is that the person who does the schedule has no such issues. we have all complained, but now it is ON!!!!!!!! for the second month in a row, i have had a total of one weekend off (which i requested), meanwhile we are only required to work every other weekend.........huh????? you are right, that doesn't add up. i have also been required to do 2 months days, two months nights while others have been able to get away with maybe two weeks of nights. guess what, it is the same people who do the schedule!!!! i'm not a conspiracy theorist, BUT...............it is all going to end next week as i blow them all out of the water. oh, and by the way they actually tried to call me in to work tonight as they had a call in...i told them i was already drinking and couldn't make it! i am a fairly nice person, but don't ever fuck with me have a great NN night!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i ran the Army 10 Miler today. what a show of patriotism and support. it was moving to watch the wheelchair atheletes race. also the great number of amputees on the course. you could tell when you were getting near one of the heroes as a big cheer went up. it was very motivating to watch them. of course it was sad as well......such a waste of life and limb..... the most motivating part was the women of course (i am biting my hand right now). beatiful people out there on the course!out of the 30,000 people who ran, i wonder if there were any other NN out there? as i sit here, i vow to train for next years! i am a little sore to be sure. i ran a respectable 1hour and 20 minutes. an 8 minute mile pace. not bad for a fat 43 year old....lmao. not much else going on, work is tough, a wonderful man (i had become close with his wife during his hospitalization) died. i thought he would make it, i am hoping to reach out to his wife at some point, but not sure if i will be welcome or not. ok, enough from me, be well everyone. as always, thanks for reading.

mistake. when i was trying to help a family. we have a young man who is VERY well taken care of by his girlfriend, the army won't pay cause she is not his wife (if they were married they would put her on orders and pay her to be there) i tried to help the family. the injured soldiers mom supports the girlfriend, but she cannot be paid to stay and help her "man". i have seen wives/husbands run for the hills when an injury occurs and they get paid. this young man's girlfriend is awesome! well, i said in an emergency she could "stay in my place". what i meant is she could stay WITHOUT me here, but it was taken as i would be here. now i have to expalain to his mom what i REALLY meant......ffs!....more explaination later..lol

i'm not sure what to put here today. i had my second session of individual therapy to help with my PTSD (even though the VA says i don't have it, i am being treated at the VA for it?????) it has made me start to think. a question was asked of me today for which i had no real answer. i am usually pretty good at looking at all sides of things before i react or have an opinion, but today caught me by suprise. it is strange because now i am starting to question why i do ANYTHING. the therapy is supposed to help me, but now i am starting to question myself. i don't want to draw this out or confuse anyone, but therapy is a strange thing it appears. i only hope that i feel "fixed", or at least comfortable at the end. ffs, maybe i'm just crazy and don't know it........lol i actually told my therapist today that "silence of the lambs" kept running through my head, ffs, i felt like hannibal lecter (sp)........yes, i received a sideways glance for that....lmfao...fava beans...............mmmmmmmmmmm

between work and the trips home it has been a mad-house. haven't had much "me time" lately, but all is good. i was inspired to make another entry here because of work. it is amazing how a situation can be so depressing and yet so inspiring at the same time. in this profession (nursing) you end up wearing MANY hats. more often than not you are thrust in the middle of family situations, financial situations, etc. you spend time equally as interpreter for the docs (who speak medical-ese), social worker (because the social workers are over whelmed and you are there), confidant (once again because you are there), teacher, and friend (hopefully can be one when the patient needs it). it is amazing to watch when a family will come inn and immediately jump in to get their "hands dirty" with no medical background. back to my original thought....we have this 23 year old kid who was in an explosion. he has lost his site (it may come back), a large portion of the muscle and such from an arm (should heal with a big deformity in about 6 months) and other injuries. well his mom and girlfriend are with him at the hospital, and OMG!!!! they are fantastic! his girlfriend is right there for him and is on top of everything. she is amazing with him. her and his mother pull "shifts". one is there during the day and the other stays all night. too often we see the other side of the coin where the significant other runs the other way because it is too much. you can't really be upset with them because it is a lot to handle. my hat is off to them that can do what they do. i REALLY hope it works out for them. any prayers (or best wishes) that can be sent their way would be appreciated. i hope everyone is well in NN-land........until next time

i was enjoying myself in chat and work came up. ok, to most not a big deal...well i started thinking about my work day....i went in on a "normal" day and was told that a patient was "waiting to die". his family decided to make him a DNR (do not rescusitate) after a long battle with cancer. i didn't even know the family, but tried to make myself available to them (as the "charge nurse" for anything that they needeed. well sadly he died soon after....i rubbed a couple shoulders, sincerely said i'm sorry.......but did it help? probably not....his wife and daughter were the only ones there! did they know me....NO, but i wished them the best at the time.....he was in my prayer that day...and then my day moved on. not the right thing as my day should have been consumed with his loss, but there were things to do. yes, he was important and he was kucky enough to pass with loved ones at his side, but it should have been better....i hope he was greeted at the gates with the trumpets and love..........FAITH...........

i was enjoying myself in chat and work came up. ok, to most not a big deal...well i started thinking about my work day....i went in on a "normal" day and was told that a patient was "waiting to die". his family decided to make him a DNR (do not rescusitate) after a long battle with cancer. i didn't even know the family, but tried to make myself available to them (as the "charge nurse" for anything that they needeed. well sadly he died soon after....i rubbed a couple shoulders, sincerely said i'm sorry.......but did it help? probably not....his wife and daughter were the only ones there! did they know me....NO, but i wished them the best at the time.....he was in my prayer that day...and then my day moved on. not the right thing as my day should have been consumed with his loss, but there were things to do. yes, he was important and he was kucky enough to pass with loved ones at his side, but it should have been better....i hope he was greeted at the gates with the trumpets and love..........FAITH...........

i switched days today because i had a VA appointment. i needed med renewals as well as to meet my primary care psychiatrist. i was feeling pretty good this morning as i had a good nights sleep and such. i took a book with me as everyone knows, you spend quite a while actually waiting to see the doc and the VA is no exception. well as i am going down the elevator, it stopped on another floor to pick up another passenger and we exchanged pleasantries. she was suddenly a little quiet and reserved.....it was fairly early and i was a stranger, so i guess i could understand. well, as i am getting in my car and putting my book down, i suddenly realize the book i am reading. the title is "the strangler"...lmao...she was prolly petrified!!!!!!!! i guess she won't be talking to me anymore....lol. well, the appointment went well, my social worker is VERY helpful. she walked me down to medical records to get all my treatment records for my appeal. while we were in medical records, we asked if it would be possible to pull up my records for my treatment in NY, well, the lady said that the system to pull up remote records doesn't work most of the time......wtf.......its still the VA isn't it???? same computer system (i would hope). anyway, maybe i should play the lottery today as it actually worked. i will admit that i am torn as to whether i want to look at my records or not. i'mm a little afraid to see what a mess i really am...lol (as if i didn't already know). apparently i meet 3 out of the 4 criteria for PTSD. i have now been trying to track down a service organization (VFW, DAV, American Legion, etc) to help me with the appeal process. part of what they want is a statement of earnings and assests. i guess if you are able to make a living and have assets it means something...... all i really want is the recognition and assurance that i will be treated for this as needed for the rest of my life!!! maybe they think i plan on retiring on the 100 or so bucks that they will probably give me. aside from that, the rest of my day went well. i still have lost my desire to work out and such. the call of the beer got to me and i gave in. now that means i can't talk to my wife the rest of the night as she gets upset if i have had a few.
on another front....my doc was worried about side effects from the meds. it appears that in 50% of the people taking the med i am on, there is sexual dysfunction....but don't worry, they can give a med to help with that...LMFAO!!!!!! so i decided that since i am physically separated from my wife, i should have "the plumbing" checked occasionally! so any females in the silver spring, md area who would care to help me check it....er say.....twice a week or so, please let me know!!!!!!!lmao.....ok, once a week........er,, ok, once a month ffs!!!!! never mind, i will continue to do it myself i guess, but please continue to provide me with the inspiration for my checks i hope you all have a great NN day. and also to those i will not see, have a great Labor Day weekend (sorry my canuck and brit friends )........

i called the garage door company back today per the wife's requset to tell them "don't call us, we'll call you". i waited until today in the hopes that she would change her mind and just have the electrician come over today and get it done. i'm sure the door people would have come right over.......but alas, it was not to be. the bright side of things is that i am down here and can drink a couple cold ones with my feet up and my balls out (if i wanted to). /me accepts kricket's offer of a cold one and raises her a six pack