my latest obsession:

http://www.complexvideo.com/Girls/Amber-Rose

so apparently I have a reputation for being a "rice queen" at work (this is a term I learned from an asian-descended NNer and had never heard before). even my new crush has been spreading it around! it's a very silly rumour based on the ONE brief fling I had with a hot asian guy over the winter. I assured them that I like all types of guys, of all shapes, sizes and colours.

but for those of you who need to ask the burning question all my coworkers have been asking me...

my few experiences with asian men have shown their penises to be quite average, even the large side of average, in the size department... and quite satisfying

I have a coworker who is asian, and his wife assures me that my findings have been validated by her research as well.

now if you hear anyone passing on the urban legend that asian men have small cocks, tell 'em Saravin said it's not true! ooorrrr you could just ask an asian person...

a few weeks ago I promised pics of where I live.

I deleted the pics that were here. pm me if you are interested and I'll give you a link to see more (there are none of me).

the more sex I have, the more I want. however, the longer I go without, the less I crave being stuffed, rammed, or pounded, and the more I appreciate more subtle sensations. last time I went without sex for a while (18 months) I became intensely tuned in to different sensations and textures. it was strange, and in a way excruciating because so many small things became so stimulating. and now, it is happening again.

in my new home, I'm surrounded by some truly magnificent scenery that is constantly changing each day and providing a new feast for the eyes. the weather is beautiful, with the perfect proportion of sun and cloud. I've been riding my bike to work each day and have been blown away by the majestic mountains, the alternately placid and ferocious water of the bay, the encroaching green everywhere, and the occasional bear or moose sighting. the smell and feel of this fresh, untainted mountain air is incredible.

I also love the way my body feels after my bike ride... vigorous exercise in fresh air is another joy I've been missing out on. my skin is hot and damp, but the air is cool and fresh and fragrant. my legs are slightly sore and yet I feel powerful and strong. I'm awake and refreshed without coffee. I feel like my whole body is overjoyed to be moving, even though I'm out of shape.

I've also just moved into my new place -- for the first time in a long while I get to enjoy a queen-sized bed with my favourite 500 thread count sheets and down-filled pillows all to myself. the room temperature is just the way I like it. I am slowly redecorating and making each room pleasing to my eyes. I burn incense and oils to fill each room with a delicious scent. I am filling them up with my collections of books, photos, cameras, and art... oh, and of course, aesthetically and physically pleasing toys. I don't own a tv. I have huge windows and I love the way the sun is constantly filling each large, bright room. and I have my own kitchen for the first time ever, and I am slowly filling and using it, which is immensely satisfying.

but I know you aren't here to read about my boring clothed life. you want to know about sex, about skin on skin. well, for various reasons there is no sex to be had here. but as a result, every touch (or imagined touch) of another's body is electrifying.

a leg pressed firmly up against mine makes my pussy wet. a man, resembling a past lover, touches my wrist with his pinky and makes my entire body tingle for hours afterwards. I look into the eyes of my airplane seatmate, deep blue speckled with green like a photo of the Earth from some distant planet, and wonder at the fearful beauty of the human body. a handshake and a glance linger in my memory for weeks. I gaze at her from across the room, noticing her perfect skin, deep dark eyes, wry smile and taut, tense body and I imagine unwinding her from the inside out. a new friend oozes quiet, pure sexuality with a mere smile. I watch him as he drives, the sunlight on his brow and two-days-unshaven jawline, his eyes narrowed, his head tilted back against the window, downturned lips pursed in contemplation, his hair still creased from the ballcap he discarded, and suddenly want to know him in every possible sense of the word.

these small, slow seductions seep into every day and flavour each moment. even at night, when I'm alone, I make sure to revel in it. I don't reach for the vibrator anymore. instead, I start by running my fingertips over my entire body...

the last person I slept with said to me one night, "you're young and beautiful. you can do whatever you want." young and beautiful perhaps... they're more or less relative. but I do feel that I am undoubtedly awakening into something new and different. the last dry spell resulted in me becoming more self aware, sensual, sexual and confident. like the last dry spell, I'm growing ever more sensitive of so many things around me and inside myself. but unlike the last dry spell, I am exquisitely happy in my little life... and I have so many more fresh days to live it. I can't wait to see what happens next.

I am home, safe and sound, though poor and dependent on the kindness of others. though, I am lucky. a lot of people banded together to help me through a real tough time this week. as well, though God laughs at me all the time, this time he's laughing WITH me... I came home to find a bicycle on my porch. no one knows where it came from or who it belongs to. and the weather has been perfect...

however I was unpacking and turning the house upside down to find my copy of Wild Side Sex (which, as it turns out, was exactly where I left it) and decided to look in my Toy Drawer. I pulled out one of the drawers and it totally fell apart! it was a shoddily made old thing anyway, but still. is this a sign I have too many toys!?

so in earlier blogs I wrote about having several simultaneous lovers over the winter.

this was great and fun and sexy and all that, though it was hard work physically and emotionally to keep everyone happy. I think I did quite well considering the proximity and the different, somewhat difficult personality types I dealt with. but no one ever thinks about how these things are going to end. I had different expectations of how things were going to go; I didn't expect to have two harsh and disruptive breakups within a day of each other.

however, this all ended about a day before I was planning to move across the country. on one hand it was extremely stressful to deal with that on top of the normal stresses of moving. on the other hand, it was awesome to be able to put so much literal and figurative distance between myself and my memories, my pain, my drama. and, of course, to begin anew in every sense of the word.

from August 2004 to August 2005 I was celibate on purpose (or tried to be; I slipped up a couple times about nine months in and made out with some cute boys). it kept me out of trouble for my 19th year of life. I came out of it stronger, more confident and more sexual than ever. but since the end of that year, I've pretty much been in non-stop romantic and/or sexual relationships of some form, whether intense emotional involvements, FWB arrangements, serious and not-so-serious relationships, multiple partnerships... whatever. playing lots of different roles in the lives of others. so I think I am overdue for another season of celibacy.

I have been whining lately about moving to a new town where there are very few people period, never mind very few attractive people who I can sleep with without getting fired. but this is probably a good thing. I think it is healthy for me to once again draw back and catch my breath and let the whirlwind of sexual activity subside. I of course still post here, and still masturbate up a storm, still buy toys and read everything I can about sex. but I am pretty much just being sexual with myself. just me and my brain.

after two years this might get real old; once I return to civilization I'm sure I'll be craving so much dick and pussy I won't be able to contain myself when I'm suddenly surrounded by hot single people again. but until then I'm sure I will also be learning a lot of new things.

I do have some other projects to work on... naming my dildos. I decided on "Lucky" for the purple one, that seems to be popular. the big black one is Carlton. what of the other dozen or so in my dresser? how will I ever keep them all straight? is it bad if I fuck so many dildos and can't remember all their names? I think that makes me a slut...

this is the beginning of what promises to be a long dry spell... I can feel it.

after almost two months of not shaving, I couldn't handle it anymore. I always hated doing it because I have sensitive skin that would get easily irritated, causing a week's worth of discomfort, redness and bumps for only a day's smoothness. however, I hate the look, feel and smell of being natural. I tried trimming for a bit, which was a good compromise, but it wasn't as satisfying.

so I bought a new razor, one of the ones with the built-in bikini trimmer they're advertising on tv these days. for the first time EVER, I finally managed to shave my bits without experiencing horrible irritation and ingrown hairs the next day. I figured out the secret... no I'm not telling you

and yet there is no one here to enjoy it. except me.

I'm tired after a long day of useless stressing... so I'm off to "enjoy it"...

I love them.

not only are they super hot... because they are

but they and I have something in common.

a lot of people think that drag is about dressing up in clothes of the opposite gender. I don't think that's true. I think drag is about *performing* gender, to the extreme.

people who do drag know that many stereotypical "male" and "female" behaviours have more to do with society's ideas of masculinity and femininity than they do with what genitals we're born with. so, it can be freeing to play around with these behaviours that are normally unexpected and frowned upon in society. men doing female drag tend to go over the top, and women doing male drag adopt a macho swagger and ridiculous facial hair.

I personally like to perform female drag.

I have been asked how it is possible to be a "drag queen" if you are born a woman. yes, I have a vagina and yes, I identify as female in real life. but I don't *perform* that way. it's hard to explain without throwing gender theory at you, but let's summarize by saying that while I am a biological female, I don't do a lot of things that are stereotyped as female behaviours. in real life I am super low maintenance and fairly androgynous. at times I embody the stereotypical "dyke" with my appearance and mannerisms, according to others. but I am not a dyke. mostly, I just enjoy not being considered conventionally sexy by most people, though I still attract many very sexy partners.

in fact, I think I am very sexy the way I am, and my personal version of sexiness doesn't usually include long perfect hair, stiletto heels, makeup or slinky lingerie, nor does it include overtly feminine mannerisms. when I perform femininity, I look at all those stereotypically female behaviours and decide which ones appeal to me for whatever reason. I try them on for size and see how they make me feel. I experiment with others and gauge how they react to me this way. I look at my body and the new ways it is being showcased to the world. this is not "me". these behaviours are not part of my core identity. this is a small part of my sexuality that I am emphasizing and exaggerating for a few hours, or perhaps an evening.

I think this must be the same for male drag queens. the fact that I happen to have a vagina doesn't make me too much different from a drag queen, except I don't have to work as hard to get rid of facial hair.

NN is to me what a drag performance is to a queen... a chance to explore the fabulousness of femininity. sometimes the results are extremely arousing and hot, other times they're hilarious, still others they're curious and strange. but it is a fun way to explore that side of myself... a side I almost never show to others.

so I took a lot of photos! my vacation hotel room was picturesque and I thought it would make a nice setting. but I hadn't brought any "props" with me... so I had to make a little detour and go shopping at "yukon's only adult warehouse".

there's not too much to be had in the way of dildos in the yukon, it seems. that's how I know it is not home.

but they did happen to have a delicious glass dong of perfect proportions and an appropriate price... I've been looking to buy some glass to round out my collection, and most of the pieces carried by my usual suppliers are either super expensive or don't do much for me.

this was a great buy. for those who asked: yes, I came hard, so hard it altered my sense of space and time for a few moments afterward! it was perfect. it was one of those sessions that just hits the spot. the texture, as well as the bulbous glass ball on the end, really felt amazing.

anyway I took tons of pics, but narrowed it down from 80+ to around 35. some of those I posted today. the others go together in kind of a set, so I am not sure how to post them since I have a limit of 15 per day. my verification pics took priority today so I will think about it tomorrow.

in the meantime... I have been trying to edit old pics. it turns out I don't have photoshop or anything similar on this computer, although I was convinced I did. so... I've been using mspaint to try and get rid of certain identifying marks. did you know there's no mf'ing blur tool in mspaint!? but I think I did okay. you'd only really be able to tell when they are Big Pics. I like to think that people are more focused on my luscious boobs than on my weird splotchy pixel-skin, anyway.

hi NN, I missed you.

some new things. my big box o' wigs came in the mail, which I am very excited about because it means I can take new pictures when I get home from my latest random northern excursion. they are sexier and sassier than ever before, though I did get one that doesn't really suit me. it's blonde, curly, and fluffy. it looks like something Jessica Simpson would sport

as well, I got a whole bunch of toys in the mail the other day... it was exciting as I moved last week and finally have privacy and time to play. but it was also slightly problematic, as my little toy box is bursting and can't fit any more giant dongs. I've been thinking about buying a lockable chest to put them in, but the lock isn't necessary when I live alone. SO instead I organized them in a chest of drawers in the spare bedroom. out of 5 drawers, all my stuff combined -- my dildos, vibes, butt plugs, nipple clamps, various bondage accessories, four different types of lube and five boxes of condoms -- ended up taking up THREE DRAWERS.

now I have no room for my clothes, but it's cool. that's what the floor is for.

I have priorities.

by the way, I'm having trouble deciding whether I should sort everything by usage -- ie. butt toys with butt toys -- or type -- vibrators with other vibrators -- or materials -- all the silicone stuff gets its own top drawer, while the lower-quality dils have their own drawer. IT'S COMPLICATED!

this is how you know I'm a Virgo.

in real-life news, I am finally graduating! yes, it has been over half a decade since I first enrolled, and yes I am sort of old to be only just receiving my BA. and yes, I did give up on school originally. but apparently some admin-god answered my prayers, and now they've waived a certain bullshit requirement, meaning nothing stands in the way of me getting my shiny piece of paper proving that I am educated and employable. or something.