so today on the long drive across the prairies I was thinking about dicks.

I got an email from someone I haven't seen in a very long time. someone I slept with as a teenager. I was experienced at 18, but still a green girl in many ways. I had had a lot of sex and knew technically what to do, but I never ever came from it, and wasn't really connected with my partners. I had sex for the wrong reasons then, as a substitute for intimacy. I don't even remember what I did with him on the half dozen or so occasions that we fucked. all I remember is that he had a big cock and I got bored because he thrusted for a very long time. and the time I made him cum in my mouth when my roommate was in the room and watching us... but I digress.

that was seven years ago; I haven't seen him in at least 5. I would love to explain my new (to him) attitude toward sex and perhaps demonstrate on his cock. I would love to slowly ease myself onto him and ride him, or make him fuck me hard from behind... oddly, I used to never enjoy those positions because they made me so self conscious, but now they are my absolute favourites.

I think I must have been very quiet last time he fucked me; this time I will be so loud with my cries as he rams me from behind that I will have to cover my face and bite into pillows for the sake of his roommates.

but before all that, I would crawl up into his lap, and whisper in his ear, "eat my pussy." I never used to enjoy having men going down on me, because, again, I was self conscious. as well, it seemed none of the guys I dated knew how to do it or enjoyed doing it. with age and experience and confidence, I got very good at telling a man exactly what I want. part my lips like this. lick my clit like this. finger me like this. I would hold his head down as I got wetter and wetter and finally exploded all over his face.

then I would demand he fuck me.

or, I could return the favour.

I would not suck his cock again, like I did when I was 18 -- I would instead make love to it. I love giving head. it's intoxicating. I would allow us both to be enthralled.

I missed out on a lot of good sex when I was younger. that's not to say I didn't have sex. I was physically there, present and aware of what was going on... but I was never fully open to it. it's hard to explain, and it is also sad because I never had orgasms or really gained very much physical pleasure from it al all. it's as if I were physically stunted due to my emotional stuntedness -- my mental inability to really, truly engage translated to an inability to physically engage. I didn't even realize it until I was 20 and consummated a relationship with an older lover after a dry spell of eighteen months. I was able to unleash my mind and body on him. it was amazing and transforming. and really hot.

so now I am looking forward to reconnecting with this boy from years past. he doesn't know it yet; formally, at least, he is still in the "catching up" email phase. I'm sure he has no idea that I've been thinking about how amazed he'll be about how wet I'll be for him, or how vocal and loud I can be, or how ruthlessly I will tease him before finally allowing him to slide his cock all the way into me. or maybe his mind works the way mine does and he is eager, too, to show me all the things he has learned since then. maybe it will be a very nice reunion.

hey randos,

so I am sitting here in a hotel room in a crappy northern Ontario town, pornin' it up. I am driving myself and all my earthly belongings from Ontario to British Columbia and seeing what I can get into on the way. the only problem is that my wigs somehow got buried in a pile of random crap. I went to find them and instead found a box of old trucker caps, broken walkie talkies, and vhs porn tapes from the 80s so that means I have nothing to wear to take photos... which means I won't be taking new photos anytime soon.

the other problem is that I had to really sit down and decide which things to toss. some stuff was easy -- clothes I never wear, random knickknacks, furniture I somehow inherited. other stuff was hard, like books. I totally forgot to bring any dvds, or exercise equipment, or things with which to decorate my new apartment. and with the stuff I did decide to keep, I had to try hard to fit everything together like a big puzzle in my tiny car.

I did keep my dildos. I ran into money problems last year and had to stop collecting for a while, but resumed this year with a vengeance. so now I have a box of maybe 20 dongs and vibes, most of them made by Tantus who are amazing.
the problem? they are in a box buried under other boxes, wedged into a corner of my car trunk till I move into my new apartment... a month from now.

particularly problematic after a night like tonight, which I spent drinking tea, chilling out after the stress of moving and driving long hours, and looking over the last hundred or so of Sphynx_lady's pics. damn.

check THIS out!

remember saravin? and how she had wayyyyy too many blog entries, and lots of dirty pictures? and how there was all this controversy because I used to edit my tattoos out of my photos, but then I got too tired of it and gave up and posted tattooed me anyway? and then some people were all "zomg fake pictures" but some people were like "whatevs, it's cool yo"?

or maybe you don't. which is cool.

anyway I am super bored and am moving to a new place that is apparently devoid of real-life humans, never mind the nekkid variety. so I came back.

where have I been for the last year and a bit, you ask?
oh you know. out and about. having adventures. breaking hearts. I was funemployed for a while, but now I totally have a job. also, I had a dude harem for a while, which ALMOST culminated in an interracial MMF threeway, but then it didn't. for future reference, I would advise against trying to construct a dude harem of your own. it's harder than it looks.

I haven't decided what I want from this place yet. I'm not looking to date anyone till at least 2011, and it's pretty much physically impossible for me to fuck you, being that I'm in the arctic tundra and all (and even then I've decided to take a break from penetrative sex anyway). I don't want to get involved in any NN drama, though I enjoy laughing at those who are. and I don't have any new pictures. I have some old ones, but I'm not sure if I want to post them.

so we shall see.

in the meantime, hi.