Hi Bob,



I really need your advice on a serious problem:


I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.



The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot.


I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.


Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat.



When she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.


It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket.





Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace the whole bracket?

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie,
"Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?"
The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same manner.
After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart. Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling,
"Do you have anything for this?"
The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"

Three friends decided to bet each other $100 on who could make their wives scream more from sex.

They all go home to have sex with their wives and make them scream.

The next day the meet. The first friend says, "I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1 1/2 hours."

The second friend says, "That's nothing, I start licking my wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and half hour after that."

The third friend says, " That's nothing, I made love to my wife for ten minutes, I came a couple times I wiped my cock in the curtain and she still screaming."

An old man takes his grandson fishing on afternoon. After 15 minutes of fishing,ol grandpa takes out his flask of wiskey and starts drinking. His grandson ask's,"Can I have some Grandpa?
"Can your dick touch your ass?" he replies.

"No"

"Then you're not old enought,sit down"

Another 15 minutes pass and grandpa takes out his Camel and starts to puff away. His grandson ask's "Can I have some of that gramps?"

"Can your dick touch your ass?"

"No"

"Then you're not old enought,sit down."

Feeling bad the little boy sits down and starts to eat some chocolate chip cookies that he brought along.Grandpa sees these cookies and ask's,"Can I have a cookie?"

"Can your dick touch your ass?"

"Yeah"

"Then go fuck yourself cause grandma made these for me."

A little old guy is walking around in a supermarket calling out, Crisco, Crissssssscoooo!'

Soon an assistant manager approaches and says, 'Sir, the Crisco is in aisle 3.'

The old guy replies, 'Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my wife. She's in here somewhere'

The clerk is

astonished.

'Your wife's name is Crisco?'

The old guy answers, 'Oh no, no, no. I only call her that when we're out in public'

'I see,' said the clerk.

'What do you call her at home?'

'Lard arse.'

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 kilometres.













Who the hell runs 8 kilometres in 45 seconds?

An 85 year old retired Marine moved into a retirement home. After he had been there for a week he went to confession and said to the priest"'Bless me father for I have sinned. last week I made love to 7 different women""..The Priest says "'take 7 lemons and squeeze the juice and drink it quickly""...""Will that cleanse me of my sins'' says the ole feller...""No"' says the Priest ''but it will wipe that silly grin off your face"'..

A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.
He stopped and asked the boy, "Where did you get that turkey?"
The boy replied, "What turkey?"
The game warden said, "That turkey you're carrying under your arm."
The boy looks down and said, "Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!"
The game warden said, "Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.
If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?"
The little boy said, "I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!"

I went to the doctor's office the other day & found out that my new doctor is a young female & drop-dead gorgeous!



I was embarrassed, but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a Professional - I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll "check it out."

I said. "My wife thinks my dick tastes funny."

On his death bed, Earl Woods, Tiger's father, gave Tiger the following advice:: "Focus on golf, son. Fuck everything else."