That is the sound my life made this weekend

I had a personal life explosion it's probably the best way to put it...

it wasn't a total loss of a weekend there was a birthday celebration in there... that was fantastic to be a part of... this girl turned 18... can't believe she's 18 already...

Anyway I keep being told that my life is really hard, when other people look in and tell me what they see... I feel this is just the way things are supposed to be.... but for the last few years I have been raising that white flag of enough is enough..... that I don't want to handle anymore.... after this weekend it is very apparent how broken I really am!! I used to be able to handle so much and now I'm at the point where literally I can either toast-and-butter a bagel or speak to someone.... I cannot do both! For somebody who used to own her own business multiple levels of a business... a company... I owned a company and now I can't even butter a bagel and talk at the same time..

I come here to this beautiful NN to escape... maybe like a lot of you too... I think in my "too serious lifestyle" in my real world.... I am not encouraged to be silly... everyone thinks I'm just dumb... but here I can be my silly self.. this is my outlet this is where I avoid all the chaos of my life..... this is where I come to lighten up of the mood of everybody.... make everyone feel better including myself.... If I was not being here on a regular basis I don't think I could continue in a positive way... I think the negative would just drag me down and I would become a bitter so and so...

So after this blog of my little tiny rant.... to get it out.... I am looking forward!

I am writing more naughty stories... I figure I could publish a book and then wouldn't need to rely on anyone else for money now would I!!! The writing of the stories is going well I've got 20 ideas... one story that's just now in editing that I wrote over the weekend in between all my chaos... another one that I wrote this morning... I just need to edit them now and of course not tell myself they are crap and just get rid of them hahaha.... Maybe even share a few..

Once again thank you for listening to my ramblings... I wish you nothing but absolute amazingness and I send about a million hugs!

BUT.... I have to share this.. cause.. I just do... Not for ego boost either... just to share my thoughts.. ha..

I do apologize to this member for posting this... I wont give names at all.. but WOW.. lol

"Hi just dropping a line , i enjoy fun sexy chat and curvy ladies are hot. I find sexually confidence a turn on, hope to hear back. any questions feel free."

SO... where the potatoes does it state on my profile that I am a CONFIDENT woman.. lol.. I know my profile does not say how much I HATE online play.. But the odds that I would be a match for this message is beyond my thoughts.. the only thing that makes sense here.. his lower head had a copy and paste option..

Just sharing this for myself I think.. so I dont bombard status with this silly little message..

dont worry... my ego is working better than it did almost two months ago now.. But still... sexually confident... NOPE.. I cant even have sex.. lol

Hugs for your day... hope this made you giggle more than anything..

I know you are not here anymore.. and that I cant even reach you.. but incase you see this... I wanted you to know that I am thinking about you!

Happy Birthday!!!

Hugs!!!!!

I have started a Crew of ladies (and men) to start boosting the ego of these wonderful men that help make NN an amazing place to hang out..

I have heard from more than one man that they dont feel welcome here.. or loved.. or even liked for their pics that they are sharing.. As a general rule I feel woman do like the upper head more than the lower.. and the perving might be pushed aside in exchange for a fantastic conversation..

I can only speak for myself.. but the way I viewed perving.. I like to see certain things.. men in jeans being one of them! So.. I tend to only look there.. I have a few friends that I will look at when they remind me.. but that is about all...

One other thing is that when you are premium you can see all the things your friends are doing.. so when I make a comment.. all the other men in my friends list who have the green shield know I did that.. which for me.. feels like a mean stab that they did not get my attention.. Some men get through.. and I feel guilty for giving them my attention.
So.. I would stay mostly away from commenting and voting... I know that might sound silly.. but that was the main reasons I did not comment before..

I now know that it is important for me and other women to start helping these men with the ego boosting power this site has given to myself and so many other women..

The rules are simple:

An woman or man can join..
You pick a profile.. and you comment on any and all pics you like..
Vote this is hot for every pic you think is hot..
Only say true positive comments.. no fluff needed!
And when you are done.. write on their profile "You have been tagged by the MeNN appreciation Crew"

My hope is that more men will feel our love via pic comments and attention.. not just an amazing conversation somewhere within the walls of NN

That they too will feel like this place has helped them.. and changed some part.. big or small of their life.

To help.. that is the goal... just to help!

Thank for anyone and everyone who will join the Crew.. and all of you who already comment.. vote and admire these amazing fellow NNers.. the MEN..

HUGS!!

These are lyrics to a play list I have been listening to over the past month.. thought I would share it.. the title of the play list is Breaking it up.


1. Figures - Jessie Reyez

Figures
I gave you ride or die and you gave me games Love
figures
I know I'm crying 'cause you just won't change Love
figures
I gave it all and you gave me shit Love
figures
I wish I could do exactly what you did
I wish I could hurt you back Love,
what would you do if you couldn't get me back
You're the one who's gonna lose
Something so special, something so real
Tell me boy, how in the fuck would you feel?
If you couldn't get me back
That's what I wish that I could do to you, you, hoo, hoo
To you, you, hoo, hoo
Figures
I'm the bad guy 'cause I can't learn to trust Love
figures
You say sorry once and you think it's enough
I got a lineup of girls and a lineup of guys
Begging for me just to give 'em a try
Figures
I'm willing to stay
'Cause I'm sick for your love
I wish I could hurt you back Love,
what would you do if you couldn't get me back
You're the one who's gonna lose
Something so special, something so real
Tell me boy, how in the fuck would you feel?
If you couldn't get me back
That's what I wish that I could do to you, you, hoo, hoo
To you, you, hoo, hoo
Figures


2. Make you Love me - Us the Duo

If you put your cigarette down
If you put your cigarette down
If you put your cigarette down, you'll figure out the pain is self-afflicted
Now you're addicted, to hating the love that I'm giving you
What will you do, when I'm gone?

Do I have to go away to make you love me?
Do I have to go away to make you love me?

Will you put your cigarette down?
Will you put your cigarette down?
Will you put you cigarette down, so we can talk 'bout how far we have drifted?
Never predicted, too late to fix everything we've been through
What will you do, when I'm gone?

Do I have to go away to make you love me?
Do I have to go away to make you love me?

I hate to see you cry, but you're the reason why
It's over

You brought this on yourself, you're screaming "what the hell?"
It's over

Do I have to go away to make you love me?
Do I have to go away to make you love me?


3. Goodbye Forever - Us the Duo

Don't let your guard down if he comes and knocks your door down
Tell him, "I'm not that kinda girl, I'm not that kinda girl"
Fool me once, hell no
Fool me twice, gotta let you go
I gotta let you go
It's just so hard to say goodbye when you're so beautiful
I know the way I need to end this tragic musical
La la la la la la la la, goodbye
La la la la la la la la, goodbye forever
Don't entertain him when he makes it complicated
Tell him, "I'm not that kinda girl, I'm not that kinda girl"
Fool me once, hell no
Fool me twice, gotta let you go
Gotta let you go
It's just so hard to say goodbye when you're so beautiful
I know the way I need to end this tragic musical
La la la la la la la la, goodbye
La la la la la la la la, goodbye forever
You're cool but I am cooler
You're pretty but I'm cuter
You're cool but I am cooler
You're pretty but I'm cuter
And smarter
It's just so hard to say goodbye when you're so beautiful
I know the way I need to end this tragic musical
La la la la la la la la, goodbye
La la la la la la la la, goodbye forever
You're cool but I am cooler
You're pretty but I'm cuter
You're cool but I am cooler
You're pretty but I'm cuter
And smarter


4. Not for the Better - Us the Duo

I used to go every night
Yeah I was flying high
Last it ended on the day
You walked into my life
You-o-o. You, you, you changed me
Not for the good
Not for the better
You-o-o. You, you, you changed me
Not for the good
Not for the better. Oh, no
Friends don't call me
Whenever I am out with you
I wanna see them
But you want me all for you
I used to go every night
Yeah I was flying high
Last it ended on the day
You walked into my life
You-o-o. You, you, you changed me
Not for the good
Not for the better
You-o-o. You, you, you changed me
Not for the good
Not for the better. Oh, no
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Don't know who I am at all
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Don't know who I am at all
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Don't know who I am at all
Mirror, mirror on the wall
I don't like you
You-o-o. You, you, you changed me
not for the good
Not for the better
You-o-o. You, you, you changed me
Not for the good
Not for the better. Oh, no
You-o-o. You, you, you changed me
not for the good
Not for the better
You-o-o. You, you, you changed me
Not for the good
Not for the better. Oh, no


5. I Should Not Be Seeing You - Connie Conway

I should not be seeing you
Nor should you be seeing me
We know that it can never be
You and I together
I should not want to be around you
Nor should you want to be around me
It’s all because of that feeling
The feeling the first time we met
If you knew, knew how blue
How lonely I have come to be
You would do, do your utmost
To destroy that feeling, that feeling for me
I should not be thinking of you
Nor should you be thinking of me
We know that it can never be
You and I together
I should not be thinking of you
Nor should you be thinking of me
We know that it can never be
You and I together

This is the songs that have helped me over this past month.. I think I dont have to listen to them anymore.. and I can move on. Yay!

Hugs!!!

Ya.. thats me now.. another label given to me.. to help me understand myself better... And boy oh boy was I pissed off to get this diagnosis.. Cause I know it is real.. my cousin deals with it.. and it is brutal on her! So.. getting this label placed upon me.. made me think wtf.. how did I get this crap.. like as if my body is not going through enough as it is.. but ya.. there is it.. black and white.. Wendy.. do you experience any of the following..

Depression - Yes of course.. but dont we all

Increased Sensitivity to Stimuli - yes of course.. but I thought that came with age

Numbness and Tingling - of course.. ever since the car accident.. I just thought it was from that

Irritable Bowel Syndrome - sadly yes.. but I truly thought it was because my stress with my ex was so severe

Chronic Headaches - of course.. but.. a headache can come from anything.. I live under the chinook belt.. maybe the weather was giving me headaches.. I am allergic to cigs too.. so maybe when I was living with smokers.. that is how my headaches were coming about.

Brain Fog - yes!!! omfg yes.. this one sucks.. before the accident.. I owned my own store.. also a catering company.. now.. I can hardly drive and think at the same time.. its either one of the other.. I also cant handle stress well anymore.. I cant handle things that make me uncomfortable.. I used to push through them.. and find ways to cope within.. now.. I cant.. Now.. all I can do.. is retreat.. leave.. and usually hurt others feelings in the process.. I had asked in status the other day about the art of saying no.. lately.. I sound like such a mean bitch when I say no.. I dont mean to.. I just cant handle the situation I am facing.. and need to get the fuck out.. ha.. A simple situation too.. like hey baby.. what you wearing.. for whatever sane reason that makes me uncomfortable.. It just does.. and I gotta bail.. also.. there are times it takes until someone responds to what I have said for me to know if what i said made sense.. just this blog will take a while cause it all feels like a sandstorm in my head.. I am amazed everything comes out like it does.. I always think it must be on robot mode.. cause I dont think I am driving my upstairs car sometimes... little rant for this one.. haha

Disturbed Sleep - yes.. I sleep rarely.. sometimes for an hour.. then up for 12.. sleep for 3 then up for 4 then sleep for 2 up for 1.. and so on.. no regular sleep with me.. the pain always wakes me up. I figured when a dodge 3/4 ton truck hits your side of the vehicle you were riding in.. the pain is worthy of waking my ass up when ever it wants.. ha

Fatigue - well yes.. cause I dont sleep.. ha

Joint Pain - yes.. I was told I have arthritis (I have minor arthritis.. not major like my body like to trick me into believing).. I also figured it was from the accident..

Generalized Muscle Pain - I have pain all over me.. no matter where you touch me.. I will be sore.. For example.. when I am going to hug someone.. I have to visualize where all the touch points will be on me.. so I can prepare for the touching.. I was standing in line at a food place.. waiting for my turn.. I was looking the other way when the person beside me tapped me on the shoulder.. it was a gentle tap.. but still.. I was not aware beforehand.. and after I felt like I was going to throw up.. right then and there.. the pain went through me like a shock wave.. And it stayed for about 30 min. I have been told many times that my body still thinks it is in the car accident, so the nerves and rest of me is freaking out.. So.. this is why I thought it was happening.. all the car accident..

Instead.. I have been given this new way to look at myself and what has been going on.. and what will keep going on with me.. It is scary! I am only 41.. and I have a 12 year old son to raise.. This is just not what I had in mind when I got married.. had my son.. started my business.. I figured I would build this mecca empire.. create it to run it self.. then enjoy my son and husband for decades to come.. pain free.. stress free.. and in a home.. So strange how things dont work out as well as you need!

I am a realist.. I like to see all angles.. and I like to have a plan.. my plan is to change my script.. for the last almost 7 years now.. I have been saying to myself how much I hurt.. "Oh I hurt so much" that is almost said as much as I say Hugs.. ha.. That is what has helped this new label come about.. me telling it that it belongs here.

On top of this.. I do have some other issues.. like nerve damage at the impact spot of the truck.. I also have a issues over producing adrenaline.. mixed with some autoimmune issues.. and blamo.. I am practicing to be elastigirl.. meaning.. I dislocate easy.. every limb goes when ever it is pushed even a little.. for example.. for me to shake out my hand cause It fell asleep.. I will dislocate my shoulder.. elbow.. and wrist.. sometimes even my neck.. So.. think about sex.. ha.. That is a NO NO for me! When I do have sex.. my hips.. pelvis.. back..ribs.. neck.. sometimes even my jaw will all dislocate.. NOT FUN! ha.. the chiropractor places me back together.. and I go for the next two weeks at least feeling like I am going to die.. So.. to have sex.. will cost me three to four visits at the chiro.. and two to three weeks of severe pain.. I just dont see the point in that.. plus the men I tend to choose.. dont even care to make me cum.. so.. truly NOT worth it anymore! gotta love the men who hear that from me and say.. hey baby.. I will be the man to make you O.. LIER! haha.. quirk about me.. I cant have sex just for sex anyway.. I need connection.. most men dont give a flying potato about connection.. they are just in it for the wet friction.. My dating boots are hung up.. the look pretty hangin on the wall! I think I will keep them there for a long while.. focus on everything else but new men. ha.. anyway.. a little ranty this was.. but I needed to get it out! Thanks!

Cyber hugs are so much better for me.. they help others.. me.. and no pain! YAY!!!

HUGS and thanks for reading another rant of mine.. I do like to write.. and sometimes sharing my thoughts.. with strangers.. some of which I will never know read this.. it makes me feel less alone.. thanks again sexy people..

HUGS again too!!!

Wendy....why the potato do you ask so many questions in status... Simple answer.. Because it allows people who normally dont say anything in status... to start being seen... AND.. it helps Wendy's boredom!
So...... to help keep a few out of status... Here are some more.. Thanks for answering!

1. What is something you are obsessed with?

2. What’s your favorite way to waste time?

3. What is something that is popular now that annoys you?

4. What were you really into when you were a kid?

5. What three words best describe you?

6. What animal or insect do you wish humans could eradicate?

7. Where is the most beautiful place near where you live?

8. Which recent news story is the most interesting?

9. What word or saying from the past do you think should come back?

10. How often do you curse?

11. What do you do to improve your mood when you are in a bad mood?

12. What is the silliest fear you have?

13. What’s the funniest TV series you have seen?

14. What cartoons did you watch as a child?

15. What is your favorite movie soundtrack?

16. Time freezes for everyone but you for one day. What do you do?

17. A portal to another world opens in front of you. You don’t know how long it will stay open or if you’ll be able to get back after you go through. What do you do?

Answer one... Answer all.. just have some fun with me spending time learning about yourself.. and each other... Thanks everyone!
HUGS!!!

I have not even been back daily, for a week yet... and my feelings are mixed... I am getting caught up in my old positive way of seeing things... My old ways of feeling ... But... I am a little more broken then I was before.

These past two years.... I let someone take away that sexy as fuck confidence I once oozed... actually.. I let this person absolutely destroy me! I thought it was love to stick around... I thought it was for love that I kept enduring this treatment...

I allowed a new story of my life to be written... I allowed a new version of who I am, be told to me... and for F sakes.. I believed it... still stuck in believing it...

How does it happen, where we let others tell us a new story for our lives... Why do we do that... Why could I not just keep a hold of that side of myself... Dam... You truly could not convince me anything negative about myself.. it was like a shield of power I had.. all negative things bounced off me and I would just smile... genuinely too..

I so loved other people.. especially women! Now... I am in a constant state of feeling threatened... I believe any woman who is smaller than I... (which is about 85% of you) that you will attract any and all the men, so why should I even bother.... No hate or anything.. Just feel it is a competition with them all and that I would for surly loose, have you seen yourselves!

I know that most of my broken here is mental... so that is my path, to work on the side that will allow myself to feel sexy, beautiful, liked, loved, maybe even adored.. yay!

The way I used to feel.. the excitement I felt over sharing my latest pics... the smiles I would see on my face when I would get comments.. or votes.. or just attention.. I miss that... I think I need it... I know I want it.. and I am certain I am craving it too!

I will keep coming back daily.. and move slowly... let the people like me too... work on being flattered.. and allowing myself to be admired again.

I thank you all for anything and everything you do to help me.

sending out some hugs... lots and lots of them..

W

Do you like blue cheese? No
2. Coke or Pepsi? Neither
3. Do you own a gun? No
4. What flavor of Kool-aid? Orange
5. Hot dogs? Yup
6. Favorite TV show? Little house on the prairie
7. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes
8. What do you drink in the morning? Water.
9. Can you do a push-up? Yes
10. Favorite Jewelry? Not much of a jewelry fan
11. Favorite hobby? Photography and writing
12. Do you have ADD? Yes.. As well as dyslexia
13. Do you wear glasses? Not yet
14.Favorite cartoon as a kid? Smurfs
15. Three things you did yesterday? Slept, cooked, hung out with my son
16. Three drinks you drink regularly? Water, Perrier, water
17. Current worries? Homelessness
18. Do you believe in magic? Yes I do
19. Favorite place to be? Outside somewhere
20. How did you ring in the new year? Was sleeping..
21. Where would you like to go? Costa Rica and Italy
22. Name five people who will participate in this? One, two, three, four, five.
23. Favorite movie? Elf..
24. Favorite color? Blue
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Nope
26. Can you whistle? Yes
27. Where are you now? In bed
28. Where would you rather be right now? On my own land.
29. Favorite food? Fajitas
30. Thing you hate most to do? Struggle financially and pain management
31. Best job you can think of? Philanthropy
32. What’s in your pockets? Lint
33. Last thing that made you laugh? Samuel J Comroe.. And Vicky Barbolak from America’s got talent
34. Favorite animal? Tigers
35. What’s your most recent injury? Ripped my ACL
36. How many TV’s are in your house? 2
37. Worst pain ever? Getting hit by a truck… I don’t recommend it..
38. Do you like to dance? Yes
39. Are your parents still alive? Yup
40. Do you enjoy camping? Yes… it grounds me.

Wishing you all a groovy fantastic day, first off..
Missed you and your awesome tastic love..
I got myself a new camera.. Still having a hard time getting attached to it.. Having my last one stolen.. Has affected me a lot.. I have not really taken any pics of myself in over a year. I am hoping to get back to it soon... Also to upgrade to premium.. It was worth the extra bucks to upgrade..
Sending you all lots of hugs.. Naked ones for those who like em.. Hehe..
And to all them messages... I will get to you as soon as my daily limits allow..
Hugs