After three hours of waiting to be picked up, I don't think we are going to the beach today. What a bummer. My beach bag & boogie board are by the door. I was looking forward to showing my friend my new bikini & seeing hers as well.we were also trying paddle boarding for the first time. Could have been a hot, interesting afternoon. There has been sexual tension building between us. Even if it is slightly complicated. Lol I'm getting a little flustered with my thoughts.! I can hear the beach calling my name...
Bye for now

Sorry I had no where else to write this...
Today is the saddest day ever of my life, my Father passed away
My Dad was the man! the great F.U. He sure did live up to those initials!! His work shirts had initials on them so of course he was always questioned about why he had the fu... That's my name he would say. Haha he was a character & hustler & a big ole teddy bear when babies and little ones were around.
Daddy I love you hope that you are finally at peace. Missing you already, I was supposed to visit you in a couple of weeks... Now instead I'm on my way first thing in the morning and you won't be there to pick my up at the airport ;(
My heart is broken. I've made noises crying that I didn't think were possible.
I was supposed to call you yesterday and time slipped by too fast,I'll call you in the morn.... then late morning my lil sis called with the news.
My Dad the great F.U.

10/14/48 - 6/19/15

This has been the hardest two months ever. I dont even know where to begin. My Hubss is still so sick. I feel so helpless. He got denied short term disability but same company approved his FMLA. Wtf?! How is that even possible. His company is furious but their hands are tied supposedly. We have appealed but they won't have a decision for 45 days. Are you fucking kidding me. Savings is exhausted and bills need to be paid. My mortgage. What the fuck. Two months pay is no joke. We are usually the ones that help extended family with out even thinking about it, but yet not even a visit from any of Hubbs five siblings never mind asking if we are doing ok, or come over for Sunday dinner. They suck.and my side of the family ha forget about them. Although my Mom has been a tremendous help.and my cousin's wife txt last night saying she ordered us an Easter dinner. I was speechless and balled my eyes out. I'm running out of private spaces to shed my tears. I try not to let my family see how I've been feeling But I'm fucking scared. My chin is constantly quivering letting me know tears can flow at any given time. I'm mostly a mess in the morning like now. Tears streaming down my face wondering how the hell are we making it thru today. Just sharing the little that I did I feel .... Idk like I'm letting them down not being a good enough mom wife and person due to failing to provide all that our family needs.
All I can do is take it day by day....
Thanks for listening/reading

Uh really. Who did I piss off in the universe? My car is broken down. Waiting on my Mother to pick me up with my groceries. She claims she is in the area, that was 35 minutes ago. Lol

I think I need to get a sexy nurse outfit. My hubbs has been home from the hospital for a little over a week now. Every two days has to go to his primary for his blood to be tested. He has a long road ahead of him. There is one final test/procedure he needs for a full diagnosis however they have to wait until his stomach lining has healed first. which that will take weeks, maybe even a month or longer. It's hard seeing him like this. His bedside table all of a sudden is full of bottles, 9 scripts for pills and a script for nasty numbing pink liquid to drink so he's able to try to eat.
It's been stressfull at times, it's hard to keep a brave face every day. we do our best but some moments get me and other times it's almost as if we are back to our daily things even if it is just for a short time. Not that Hubbs can work or do much around the house but it's nice to see him walk around, sometimes he even makes lunch for us, or stop in our Son's room for a few to play games on the ps4 which I just bought him last week. Yes it's hubby's but he can't sit in the living room comfortably so he thought he'd be nice and let him keep it in his room for now. Wha?! Lol
Our wedding anniversary is just a few days away, I'm happy he will b home with me, but now we are stumped for a change of plans. Gift included. He's completely bummed out about that. Also that he can't do what he had intended to plan the following day for my birthday. None of that really matters though.
Thank you to all for your kind words, thoughts, prayers & positive vibes. They are truly appreciated. I won't even begin to share how our so called friends have been.
Bye for now

Staring at this page for what seems like an hour. They still don't know what's wrong with my hubbs. So many blood tests, scans and four procedures yet no full diagnosis. Trying to stay strong and optimistic is so fucking hard. This is absolutely heart wrenching. Another specialist tomorrow. Every day they take so much blood. He's pale one minute then flush from the pain the next. When sleeping he moans in pain. Once the pain meds start to wear off his pain is right back to extremely high. So many doctors but they have yet to figure this out. This is the begining of the 4th week now.
Forget about work. Short term disability, all set. Hard to forget about the 100+ inches of snow in three weeks time,we are doing are best with it. I don't like leaving hubbs for awhile for other stuff to get done. Doing ok but my auto pilot is exhausted.
I had no one else to share this with. I tried to keep it short. Sorry it's sad & personal.

Feeling so sad. My Husband has been in the hospital for days now, second time, excruciating pain, loosing weight, 19 pounds in a little over two weeks. They had him on morphine for the pain. He can't eat and they can't figure out why. Wtf. Every test they can think of has been negative. Each day I tell hubbs don't worry today is the day they will figure it out... HA. He has a double IV one in his hand, one in his arm.
I leave there so sad & sleep so lonely. If that's what you call it. I'm exhausted. Please make my husband better docs find out what's wrong.

[img]https://i.imgur.com/8HPiAf7.jpg[\img]

Are you kidding me.... Broken down on the side of the road. Wtf. Not a good way to start the day & I'm in my pjs!!! Just my luck

Check out that sidekick!! Karate belt ceremony at the beach & annual
beach class! It was awesome watching them do everything straight into the ocean after a 1.5 mile run in the sand! Push ups in the water with the waves crashing over their heads. Haha.
Proud Momma had to share. Lol