and if you want to know why all you have to do is read mine and "shevyrat"'s blogs. i met shay (shevyrat=shay) awhile back at a country bar. she got me into this whole nn thing. no problem.
this is the problem. i am head over heals for this girl. i know all about her past relationship. she really loved the guy. i have been married before as well, that went down the drain right along with my bank account. i hate the bitch so i don't know what it's like to still be in love with the ex. before i met shay it was just casual sex and having fun. i fell for shay and i did it hard. we have great times together and fun. the sex is FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!! i am comepletly in love with her. but she is still in love with her ex. so here is my problem.

i don't want to be second best. i don't want to have to fill someone else's shoes. i don't want to be compared to any other guy. not that shay does this aloud or even at all i don't know. those are just my fears coming into play while loving a girl that is in love with the ex. she says she loves me too. is that possible for a woman to love two men? am i setting myself up for heartache? but when i think of not being with her that breaks my heart. but if she is still missing and thinking of her ex- WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO?!?! this is where i put my foot down on looking like a pussy.

what if her ex comes back? shay has told me that there is no way in hell that would ever happen. he is in another relationship where he is happy. but it has happened with her and him before.
as i am writing this i am getting more and more mad. so shay this is where i am drawing the line.

when you are over your ex and i know for sure that it is me that you are thinking about at night, give me a call. i do love you very much and that is the problem. but until you decide where you want your heart to be or where it is at, i can't risk getting my heart broke.

i love you shevyrat and hopefully you will figure things out soon. i will wait but not forever.

i hate watching woman get their fucking nails done!! why can't women just understand that men don't like doing those types of things?!?! would they want to watch me get my balls waxed? well shay would, but that's besides the point. sometimes i wonder if she reliezes that i am male. she dragged me to every fruity fucking place a guy could go into today. getting her nails done, getting her eyebrows waxed, trying on clothes, shoes, earings, hats, oh my fucking god do i need to go on?!?!?!? i was about to whip out my dick to remind shay that i DON'T LIKE DOING WOMAN THINGS!!! then she would have just started sucking it so that would not have worked. that fucking woman. we were standing in line at Kroger, she started kissing on me, then me on her, she started rubbing my cock right there in the line!!! okay i am a freak and want to say that i am up for anything, but where do i draw the line with this sex-crazed nympho?!? i have never met a woman like shay. me, i, had to say NO! the male gods are shitting on me now.
but i am not ragging to much on her, she deals with my bs as well. shay does go 4 wheeling with me almost every weekend rain or shine. watches football with me(and i thought i was a cowboy fan) shay has almost every cowboy jersey that is on the team that they have made! don't let us go to a bar, get drunk to watch the games. she has half the bar doing cheers and stupid dances.
i am starting to wonder who wears the pants in this relationship here. and for that matter who is fucking who, she loves her strap ons. (okay so i love them too, but don't tell anyone!)

yes it's true. i think i have lost it. again. how can a woman so wonderful have chosen me? this woman has me on my knees. my friends are making fun of me, my father wants to kill me(he has been through 4 marriages). when i am listening to country music i think about her. when i am at work, taking a shower. i know what you all are thinking--crazy pshyco male.
that's okay though. because you don't understand or know her.
she is always smiling, helps old ladies in the electric cart get something off the top shelf in walmart. her laugh is so contagious. shay is eccentric. shit that has irritated me with other woman she can do and i find it cute. like her dancing while driving. we can be on 360in the middle of bumper to bumper traffic and her favorite song will come on and she will have the car shakin in no time. she lays my clothes out on the bed for me when i am in the shower. i always have a pack of cigs and a sonic drink waiting for me when i get off work. you can talk to her about anything and she doesn't judge you.
anywhere we go i am proud to be next to her. the 17th she took me to watch the cowboy redskins game in irving. it started pouring on us. she looked so hot. while she was getting another beer i went to the bathroom, came out and had to fight off a croud of "cowboys" to get to her.

i know i sound like a softhearted pussy whooped idiot, but for shay i am. thinking of her puts an end to any bad day.

can it be i am in love or lust with this woman? and what about my reputation? this woman is fucking this cowboy up!

other pussy....other pussy...other pussy.....shay pussy..damn it!!

let me start and say that by no means am i the type of guy to "fall in love" or even believe in "love at first sight". i have been married once before and that was the worst experience i have ever had and glad that it is over with. i then made a vow to just have fun and have sex. i have been honest with all the girls i have fucked around with. every now and then i get the crazy "stage 5 stalker" girl that keys my car, calls the other girls in my phone. i just deal with it and go on, they are not worth it.now i am starting to doubt myself and it all started that friday night at cowboys.
i was standing at the entrance with my buddys doing what we normally do, decide who is doable and not doable as they walk in. then i saw the most "doable" woman i have ever wanted to fuck. she was hot! walking up the stairs and getting her hand stamped, she stood at least 5 10, or 5'11, long blond hair, and a body to kill. she walked up laughing, briliant smile and contagious laugh. as she walked by me her green eyes sparkled. i couldn't take my eyes off her. as the night went on i watched her play pool, dance, turn down other men, and have fun. never in my life have i been afraid to walk up to a girl and talk to her. i know that i am hot, so many have told me so, but i was no match for her. i waited till she was just about toasted drunk then asked her to dance with me.
it was all over from there.
shay you are amazing. i hate the fact that i want to spend so much time with you. you make me go against every rule in the players book. until i see you tomorrow- i love you