so we decided to watch a movie last night, and the one we WANTED to watch is mysteriously gone... the case is there, but the dvd's gone. so i'm thinkin since this is not the first dvd to appear missing, perhaps ma ex decided to take the movies i liked best when he left. and leave the cases. who knows... so pay it forward was off the menu for the night.

we wanted to watch something....with feeling. not scary, not incredibly dramatic, not war-ish. we find ourselves in short supply of those types of movies. which is why we were settled on "pay it forward" the one that's missing. we finally reluctantly decided on "1408" yes it's scary, but most of our movies are... then i see "scent of a woman" and ask dum what it's about.

omg, you'd have thunk i'd kicked his dog or something!!! i've never seen it.. at once dum insisted on watching it, claiming it as pacino's best role ever. i love pacino..so i was skeptical.
we watch it, and it is quite good! if i had to pull my favorite line from it, i'd be hard pressed to find anything better than these two:

Frank: And, Harry, Jimmy, Trent, wherever, you are out there, fuck you too!


Trask: Excuse me ?
Frank: No, I don't think I will.

ok, so me n dum are at it AGAIN.

we're talking threesomes... and why we have not really had one...

forgive me, those of you who are cool with this, and i completely understand the enjoyment behind the idea..

but...i'm a scorpio. throu and throu. allllllll the way. and while i want a girl or six.... i don't want to be unfaithful to ma dums, because, unlike our former president, i consider all types of sex...sex. and while bringing the girl home and havin ma evil ways with her is VERY appealing.. i don't wish to share. her with him, nor him with her. i want them separate. which is why i understand dum's statement of, "i wouldn't FUCK her...i'd just touch her naughty bits." but i still can't deal with the fact he's touching someone else. so i forgo any feminine touches... easier that way...

he thinks i'm being silly. and that since he's not going to fuck the chick, all should be well. i think... your going to kiss her, touch her in ways you only touch me...you might as well fuck her..ya done all else there is...

heh. so i go on longing for a delicate touch from a sweet scented being, while he dreams of a threesome....neither of which will ever come to fruition...

they don't mix well, do they?

i have made ma decision... but i can't tell ya'll what it is yet!
hahahahahahhahahahaha! only right i tell dum first...

as for live otherwise...

we're skipping the last bowling league night. for one i'm exausted. i'm averaging 'bout 3 hours sleep a night. this is day 7 w/o one off, and i swear i've been driving for 6 years this week!! to go clean that store yesterday was almost a 2 n 1/2 hour drive ONE WAY. then factor in ma one hour drive (one way) to work everyday... and i'm 'bout drove out.

i plan to drink another beer or two, eat some dinner, then off to bed by at the LATEST 8pm. dreadfully dull, i know, but OMG i'm tired........

ok, ma company (known to dums as the EVIL empire) bought out several of our competitors, and are in the process of changing them out to become new stores for us.

we...as assistant managers, are automatically recruited to go into these stores and clean them...deep clean... ffs...the shape of these stores, i'm amazed the health dept didn't shut them down. it took 12 of us, almost 10 hours of scrubbing, scraping, sanding, and polishing to even get that bakery CLOSE to what we consider normal. it was disgusting. i have pictures...but i'm too tired to upload them. to give you an idea.. ONE stainless steel sink, took me AN HOUR to clean. scrubbing with a lime-a-way type product, a green scrubbie pad, and several several pairs of gloves.....

....fecking amazing that that bakery did ANY business...much less manage to avoid being shut down. we'll find out in a few days if we have to go back and clean some more on friday. the state health dept actually did a "swab".... swabbing common contact surfaces for listeria... [url]http://www.cdc.gov/nczved/dfbmd/disease_listing/listeriosis_gi.html[/url]

which i guess this company had been caught for before. if, after our clean, there's still listeria found, then we go back and clean again, and again, and again.....

as for yesterday's blog....no decisions yet... still lost and confused....

i was presented with some choices today...

dum wants to move back to stl.... i have choices.
either:
a. quit my job, which i've been busting ma ass for for over 5 years....leave ma family..and go with him...
b.let him go.... stay here and have ma job and ma family, but no love....
c. let him go up to stl, make his way, then join him in due time...

there are choices to these choices....
if we both go to stl...who's to say i can find another job, economy being what it it is right now...
he says he'll be able to support me, but i've never really been supported in ma life, unless you count the time ma parents did, till i turned 14....

what if i quit ma job here, move up there, and we find nothing?!? i've been thou this before... i quit the same company once before, less than a week before testing for mgmt, because ma *then* husband wanted to move back to detroit. we moved, i found a job working in a hospital kitchen, barely making ends meet, and after 6 months...HE moved back to fla...and left me to find ma own way home...

on the other side of the coin... if dum goes up by himself... what's to say he doesn't WANT me to come up to him... who's to say he doesn't find someone else? as he tells it, who's to say i don't find someone else?

ffs..... i'm cried out... can't cry no more... but dosent help me from worrying..........

ma mind is racing.... thinking a million things a minute.

someone was talking about "journaling" today, and i was about to say i used to but no more. till i realized that this blog IS ma journal. i write all my deepest feelings, hopes and fears, and more mundane things...the bonus is i get is that people read it, and comment, offer advise, or just make me spit beer out ma nose laughing.

how can someone hang their happiness on the availability of a certain type of bread? or rolls? or some insignifigant thing such as that? we can be out of a bread, and people will literally blow their stacks!!! i swear i don't put crack in ANY of ma products. so i'm lost.... i go shopping..they don't have what i want, oh well, i get something else.

is it possible to love someone too much? i go along throu ma day, then all the sudden, BAM, i get smacked with this wave of love for ma dummy...so much it hurts a lil bit. is there such a thing as too much love?

i cracked maself up today. while driving to work, i saw those "memorial" signs, with flowers and etc, honoring people who had died in a traffic accident. and i thought, "gee..alot of people die on the side of the road" *shakes her head and smacks herself* of course they don't die on the side of the road, but we can't have memorials in the middle of the road can we?!?!

my feet hurt. it's not the shoes, they're roomy n stuff. they just hurt.

i'm gonna go play ma mindless game now.... *muwah* for reading ma thoughts, and *muwah* for being YOU

how does one explain a relationship between a woman and her sister?

at first, she was my living doll... i could dress her in anything, do her hair any way i wanted... me and my friend one day braided all her hair...remember, this was 17 years or so ago *OMG*. we didn't have any rubber bands, but had seen several young black girls with this hair-do. with tin foil instead of rubber bands........lmfaooooooooo

then... after the first few years, just when they start getting more active, talkative, annoying =P , she turned from a joy to a pain in the ass. hey...remember she's 10 years younger.... what what the typical 14, 15, 16 year old do with a 4, 5, or 6 year old???

i moved out at the age of 17... and i missed the majority of her most formative years. never the less, she's my heart, my soul. i remember our parents making me babysit her while they worked. me and my friends would wheel her around in her stroller like she was one of ours...lol i learned to drive by picking her up from school. i can still hear her giggles and shrieks when i'd do the "side slide" back n forth, back n forth......

now she's an adult.... a junior in college and well beyond her years when it comes to smarts and learning. i do believe she's made me more proud than anything i've done. she's amazing.

so this is to ma digoree.... ma digs... ma beary one. happy birthday darlin, i love you!

....a painful, slow death. actually...SOME deserve worse.

i was on ma way home from work.. following the typical redneck in his big truck with hunting and fishing stickers on the back of the custom painted camo tailgate. we're driving down ma normal route home, when it's light out. there's too many deer, raccoon, etc out when it's dark to drive this way. i'm a good 6 or 7 car lengths behind him, when i see what looks to be a black kitten dart out a good bit ahead of this truck. it's on his side and running towards the OTHER side of the road. i literally watch this sick, heartless bastard CROSS the road to hit the animal. there's no mistaking this action for other than that it is. he wasn't trying to avoid it. he went out of his way to hit it.

this poor thing is literally a foot from the grass on the other side of the road. and mr. redneck man speeds away. i slam on my breaks, leaving some rather long skid marks behind me, throw on my emergency blinkers and run to it. it is a kitten, well... maybe a teen... he was laying on his side, crying like i've never heard anything cry before. it's obvious he'd suffered massive internal and external injuries. i knew he was going to die. but he was in such pain. i picked him up to move him all the way to the grass, and tried to wrap my mind around the fact that i would have to put this cat down. i had no idea how long he'd stay alive, in that much pain, and i knew there would be no vet on this planet who could cure him.

...sometimes the goddess (or gods, or God, or WHATEVER you call it) sends help. the angel who stopped didn't look like one. he was dirty from some sort of blue collar job, and his pickup truck was just as customized and just as stickered as the sick fuck who did this. but he slowed to a stop behind my truck, got out walked over to where i sat on the ground with this poor cat. he asked if it was mine, which would seem like a good guess as i was crying my eyes out. i told him it wasn't, but it could have been. he saw the same damage and made the same conclusion as i came to. and then he asked me if i wanted him to do it. i cried harder and thanked him, as i don't know if i ever could.....

so to the driver of the first truck. whatever your faith, if you have any, you will be punished. i wish i had gotten your licence plate..so i could turn you in to animal cruelty. i thank my belief in karma, because, as it goes...you will get as much as you've given.

and to the other driver. my reluctant angel of death, who gave me wipes for my arms and hands, who offered to follow me home to make sure i got there ok, who did what to this minute i don't think i could ever do. i know you just got off work. i know you were prolly tired and ready for dinner or a beer or even some mindless t.v.... i know you didn't have to stop to check on a semi-hysterical woman sitting on the side of the road. but thank you. your karma bank just got a bill gates sized deposit....

dum's cookin for me again....

OMG......he is serious about making me fat n happy. and he's doing it too!!! we just finished off the homemade chicken n dumplings he made *5 bowls at LEAST, on ma own* but tonight he's started tomarrow nights dinner....

a bottom round roast (we're broke =P), carrots, celery, potatoes, soaked in wine. i guess it's called "beef burgundy" or what dum calls a high class pot roast. i bought a huge bottle of burgundy wine... gallo. the only wine i know is boons farm ffs...

as for the work front... what once was ma "arch nemesis" mr. man came up to me today to say, "just so you know. i'm not pushing for a manager to be transferred in. i intend for YOU to be promoted by the first of the year." once again, not holding ma breath... but...whooohoooooooooo

oh yes...it's a happy day...it'd a super-cala-fragil-istic-expe-ala-docious kinda day!! i woke up, packed ma lunch, spent some time with ma dums, and as i was getting ready to leave, realized ma cell phone was ringing. i missed the call. checked the number and realized it was work calling. in case they needed me to pick up something from one of the FOUR stores i pass on the way in, i called the store back. but whoever called left a voice mail, so i ended the call before it began, and checked the mail.

it's ma bestest, most favorite clerk.. her message:

"Just thought you'd like to know... it's *insert evil bitch boss' name here*'s last day. She got transferred. Act surprised"

HOLY SHIT!!!! i hugged dum and kissed him like i did when meeting him at the airport after 3 months of not seeing him.... i danced a jig and sang ma throat raw on the way into the store. YES! she's gone... ok, so this kinda sucks on ONE level... we'd planned on going up to st. louis for thanxgiving... and it looks like now i won't be able to. and NO. i'm not expecting to get promoted to the mgr position in ma store. i did that before, holding ma breath...after turning blue...i've learned ma lesson.

no, i'm just happy she's GONE. out of all the manager's i've had in this company....there isn't any possibility of getting someone who's more than a piece of shit than her. so if i get the promotion, cool. if i don't? at least i won't be pulling ma hair out dealing with HER!!

whooohooooooooooooooooooo!!!!