i decided to try something new today. and YOU are the very special recipient of ma ONE-on-ONE class/demonstration about how to make a wedding cake.

enjoy

6:58am - pull cake layers out of freezer, start buttercreme mixing with simple syrup to give it a smoothness and creaminess...go outside and smoke a cigg to TRY to stop hands from shaking so much.

7:09am- start "shaving" cake. this is the process of removing the "skin" from the cake layers. you need: a pair of non-latex food grade gloves, a hand-held cheese grater, a trash can, and an amazing amount of patience. cuz this shit is DEADLY dull.

7:21- finished shaving the cake layers, remember you left the buttercreme mixing this entire time....



7:22-stack layers for bottom tier with SMALL amount of buttercreme, then begin shaving again. poor cheese grater... so overworked, so underappreciated.



7:28- "crumb coat" the cake, ie...add a VERY thin layer of icing to tier to capture all stray cake crumbs, and transfer tier to freezer to lock in said crumbs.



7:31- rinse, repeat, lather with every tier

7:48- retrieve 1st tier from freezer, stop what your doing to answer the phone and answer stupid ass questions from stupid ass people

7:54- return to cake to find it partially thawed and put it back in freezer to harden up crumb coat...AGAIN

8:01- remove 1st tier from freezer...AGAIN...and apply a THICK coating of buttercreme...

8:02-curse any and all who had a hand in making wedding cakes a tradition as you try to smooth the icing PERFECTLY

8:18-decide that the more you try to smooth it, the more dimples it gets, and decide it's good enough.



8:19-rinse, lather, repeat with second tier

8:31-call forth the rage of every one of your ancestors upon the ASSHOLES who invented the wedding, and the wedding cake.

8:32-start the bottom boarder for the top tier



8:34-complete bottom and top boarder for top tier and doubt your ability as a decorator...



8:35-start adding ruffle to bottom tier. this ruffle has a twofold application...1. to conceal the cake board. 2. to distract from your shitty ass decorating.


8:42- decide which part looks the LEAST like ass, and mark it as the front of the cake. pipe on decorations....


9:00- finish piping accents on side, and mark where support posts will enter into bottom tier by placing support plate evenly on top of bottom tier.

9:01- let loose a stream of very unkind, very filty words as your knuckle takes out the top boarder...


9:02-go smoke a cigg and try to call your boyfriend so he can tell you your not a monumental fuck up who's gonna make some bride cry on her wedding day.

9:10- make a quick repair to damaged boarder.


9:12-decide no one will notice said damage, and prepare support columns to enter cake.


9:19-slowly....SLOWLY...press support columns and plate into bottom tier.

9:21- breath a sigh of relief. either it's straight or it's not. there's not repairing it if it's not.

9:22- place top tier onto support plate and stand back to survey the cake



9:23- giggle with giddy pride when it's NOT as fucked as you thought.

9:28- after bringing EVERY associate in the store by to check the levelness of cake, prepare yourself to make an ASSLOAD of buttercreme roses.....

9:29- decide fuck it, and upgrade bride to gum paste roses, usually $3.00 each, but sooooo much easier.

9:30- place gum paste roses on cake


9:44- stand back and admire this confectionery work of ART you just created...



9:45- go outside to smoke another cigg, patting yourself on the back and grinning like a fool because pride is overflowing...


11:40- father of bride comes to pick up cake. is overjoyed and full of praise for cake. decorator just grins and shows him pics of it on her camera

12:21- decorator receives phone call from bride...it's everything she wanted, and more. decorator goes outside again to smoke and choke back tears...

don't miss the next episode :how to make a grooms cake

sorry i've not been around much.....last week logged 70 hours, with drive time means 84 hours.

i think i'm about to drop.

other than that...me n dum found another website we've been hanging around....it's prolly gonna be another addiction for us.

here in the states, on msnbc, there's this show "to catch a predator" they work with a group called "perverted justice" to catch internet predators...really interesting to watch.

anyway, i went to their site, and they have forums, and chat and all kinds of interesting stuff. chat logs from these freaks that literally makes me ill to read, but they're doing good things there.

so i joined up. and hopefully, after a while, i'll be able to volunteer as either a "chatter" someone who poses as an xxxxxxxx boy or girl to try and help catch these sickos. or as a "verifier" someone who actually calls/receives calls from the predators, talks to them, makes sure they are who they say they are. (ma voice is really really young sounding. ask dum, star, poggie, etc etc etc)

it would make me feel good...even having to wallow in the filth that is these assholes...that i'm putting up with the sickness so hopefully...some kid doesn't have to.

it's a great site. and like i said, they're doing good work. k...i'm off to call ma mom, then take a loooooong hot bath

having a bbq tonight with dum. all kinds of good stuff, and some cheap fireworks after that...

but one of ma favorite radio talk show hosts played this on air yesterday, and i knew i wanted to blog it.

makes ya heart swell and kinda gives ya goosebumps...

america, why i love her...narrated by one of the all time MOST awesome actors....john wayne.

happy 4th ya'll. and to ma friends across the pond....neener neener neener!

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sekHkR5BKOY[/url]

my dumb ass....went and got snoockered yesterday. ordered pizza LATE, and didn't climb/fall/drag maself into bed till well after 11pm.

got up @ 2:30. drove to work, figured that extra half hour i'd clock in early was worthless anyway, the way i was feeling, so set ma phone alarm and took an extra half hour of sleep.

then....OMG. boss lady called in. ON THE DAY BEFORE 4TH OF JULY. our busiest day ALL YEAR. a good many hours she came strolling in. she has strep throat. which i can empathize with since i get it like...oh...2 or 3 times a year. she's contagious till her fever's gone. hopefully it'll break tonight. =( if not i'm screwed.

anyway....4am.....to 6pm...and the only reason i left, was because of dum. i had it in my head. to stay until i had mixed and ran all the dough, as well as made sure all the set ups were done... my plan? have dum drive the chester van up to work, filled with blankets and a cooler. we'd get chinese when i got off around 7 or 8, drink a few beers, then sleep in the van, so i could be @ work again by 2am.

we have like 20 cake orders, a HUGE fuckin wedding cake, NO bread left, NO cupcakes..NO keylime pie, NO birthday cakes in the case for the walk ups. i'd asked store mgr if we could stop taking orders for tomarrow. since we're down yet ANOTHA person...and i'll have to bake everything, decorate, mix, and prolly pack out as well. nope. he says we don't refuse cake orders. so we got around that by telling people they couldn't get anything till after 2pm.

anyway...dum threw a fit, about me working so much, and how i was being taken advantage of. so i left @ 6 with so much stuff left undone. drove home. almost there and i see out of the corner of ma eye...this....



believe it or not, it ended in the general area of ma house. was so very pretty, and i dunno if it's cuz i'm menstrual, cuz i'm over tired, or cuz i'm physically exhausted...but i cried a lil, and just wanted dum to hug me tight...

i'm gonna go finish ma beer and then get in bed....i got a really really really early start in the morning...

day at work........

i clocked in @ 3:30....and as the song says i "hit the ground running"

me and ma best/favorite clerk took the helm, and by 8am, had all the bread/rolls/donuts/cookies/pastries baked off

and we started on the deco side...

BAM..........by 11 everything's done.

i get called into mr arch nemisis' office, to respond to an e-mail he got...
do i want to transfer to *away places* . not only do i tell mr. boss man i don't......i tell him i'm fairly certain i don't even want to BE a manager anymore. he actually says he respects that decision..........like i said....i could wait till they promote me.....THEN decide that i truely hate it (as i do now). or tell them NOW.

he tells me he wouldn't think the least bit less of me if i did step down........i say "but, THIS time around, you've been pushing for me" (to be manager)"DAMN straight, he says. but i wouldn't want to push you where YOU don't want to go.


i'll give this to ma so-called-arch nemisis....he's been an asshole.....but he knows how to run his business....and i respect him for that.


i don't know what i'm gonna do. wanna advance in managment only because i like the money offered.....and i like......for once in my life....being able to buy what i want...when i want. i like not having to scrimp and save for a new outfit, or toy. dum tells me i won't have to.....

but i've never ever relied on anyone but myself.......

ma alarm took off and ran around the room this morning @ 2:30am.

yea, i said that right...my lil sister, knowing how hard i am to wake up, gave me for x-mas last dec...an alarm clock....that has wheels!!! and after you hit snooze ONCE...waits 5 minutes...then TAKES OFF willy-nilly around the room, screaming in some sort of robotic deamon spawn voice at the top of his lungs. until you chase him down and smack him soundly on the head. at least that's what i do to him.

his "official"name is lil' clocky.... the one the company who made him gave him. personally...mine's called lil bastard!!!! since that's usually what i'm muttering as i stumble around ma bedroom trying to smack the shit out of....

i opened by myself... did as much as i could. 4am to 8am, i bake everything, make donuts, all the puff pastries, and fill the cases.

i'm busting ma ass...going as fast and as hard as i can after this many days of 11-12-13 hour workdays with no lunches....not fast enough i guess.

falling behind, farther and farther, i go to the deco side and start the orders... 8 of em, not like that's alot, but with ONE person...and trying to keep everything else full, and talking WALK UP orders...ffs....did you FORGET it was yer kid's birthday??? i dunno, never pushed a watermelon outta ma pussy, but pretty sure if i ever do...NEVA gonna forget that day....

work work work work work work work work work work....people are coming in and buying cakes faster than i can make them. finally.....it's 3pm....time to go, yes? NO. i take not 1, but TWO pain in the ass wedding cake orders..."can you make me a red velvet cake, but dye the cake hot pink?" FFS........

anyway.... 4PM...and i start cleaning up. if i actually GAVE a shit about this place anymore...the shelves are empty. i need to spend at least an hour pulling muffins, cremecakes, cheese cakes, etc out and pricing them up. not to mention helping my clerk set up dounuts and bread for tomarrow...AS WELL AS put in a frozen order, a dairy order, physically THROW all the frozen we got in today (about 200 boxes)....but...as my friends over the pond would say....i can't be arsed.

it's 5pm by the time i finish cleaning, throw out all the trash, and throw all the boxes in the bailer.

i KNOW i should stay...i want to stay...make more key lime pies, put out more product. but.......FUCK IT.......

i can't wait to step down.......

that makes me smile anymore...

about work anyway. is decorating cakes. ya'll know i've always looked forward and enjoyed using my imagination, and making more than customers expected for their important cakes. that's prolly why i wanna step down and just be a decorator.

i had another wedding cake today. i knew about it yesterday, but was under so much stress about everything else, i put it to the back of my mind. besides, i did the hardest one ever...ma first.. and it didn't turn out so bad.

when i was looking at the order, all i could think was...WHY can't i have an easy cake?!?!? ma first...the middle tier was red velvet w/ creme cheese icing... this one?? a fucking half n half!! half vanilla, half chocolate. since the demand for chocolate cake in wedding cakes is so very very very low... we can't order in the pre-made cake. (yes...this is cheating...but pfft...YOU bake it then!) so i have to cut it out of sheets.

this one took me almost double the time the last one did, and was half the size. but when your playing with such a bold icing color as red..there can be NO mistakes....that and the last one was polka-dotted. this has that funky scroll work.

i wondered as to the color...red. not just red, but RED red. since this was a fax order from alabama, i never talked to the bride. when she came to pick it up today, she told me the story. (the stories behind the cakes are usually as much fun as making them) she'd actually been married 5 years already. but her original wedding ceremony took place in a courthouse, with no reception at all afterwards. can we say "shotgun" wedding? apparently, this woman's grandmother was the only one in her family who stood with her...stood by her decision to marry this man. her entire side of the family boycotted the ceremony. unfortunately, her grandma passed away last year. the bride and groom decided that they would renew their vows...not on their wedding day, but on her grandmother's birthday. and her grandma's favorite color was red. so the cake was more of an homage to the only person in her family to support the couple.....

kinda sad, very sweet... i'm glad i heard the whole story...

and now..the cake

top tier...



and the bottom...


the roses were the hardest part..putting the supporting pillar's and the "show" pillars in AROUND those roses made me a wee bit shaky...


and it all put together... she said it was beautiful, and better than she had pictured..



not bad for ma second eva huh? i think i'm getting kinda good at this

so i've been entertaining the thought in ma head a LOT lately...

step down from management... be a full time or part time employee.

hell..i've even thought about quitting altogether, and moving up to stl with dum.

more and more...every day.... then today. the day i return after two WHOLE days off...i wake up, and i'm miserable. i get ready to go to work, and i could cry....i just don't want to go. i hate it here. i hardly ever smile anymore... it's not fun...and when i come home? i'm stressed...pissed off...mean. i take all my frustrations out on dum. even tho i KNOW it's not his fault.

so every day, i think more and more about stepping down. for one...whatever money i make now, i'd save in gas....instead of spending $120 or MORE a week...i'd drop down to maybe 50.

then today, on my way in, i'm listening to ma usual morning show "lex and terry" they rock btw... and a chick calls in... with almost the same situation. she HATES her job. wakes up in the morning DREADING going in...but she makes awesome money.... in their words "if you hate being there, if it turns you into someone you don't like just working there....it dosn't matter if you make 10,000 a day... it's not worth it."

*ding! light blub*

ffs....why's it take some anonymous voices coming throu ma speakers to make me see the light?

i decided right then and there, i'd step down after this upcoming holiday (4th of july) i'm going to step down to part time.. which is up to 40 hours a week..i PICK the schedule...at one of ma old stores... which is 20...maybe 30 minuets in traffic..away from home. i called the mgr there, who was and still is the mgr from when i was there. i asked her, what do ya need more, a baker, or a decorator? she answered correctly...lol...i'd much rather decorate ANYDAY... turns out she just had one quit, and is in much need of one. yay me! she's saddened that i'm stepping down, she hoped i'd succeed... but she's happy as a pig in shit that i'm coming back. i was ADAMANT i was not coming back as an ex-bakery asst. mgr. i wasn't doing orders, i wasn't doing paperwork, i wasn't helping with inventory or etc etc etc. i was going to come in...decorate cakes, and leave. no more, no less. she agreed right away.

then ma mom (who has been with the company 20+ years) called. i told her straight out... i'm stepping down... i apologized if i let her down...but i just aint cut out for busting my ass and not seeing anything for it.

example... week before last, i worked 52 hours...my NET pay was $600...after taxes and everything... last week, i worked 67...NET pay???? $630. WTF???? 15 more hours for 30 dollars?? so i was BUSTING my ass for 2 dollars an hour??? fuck that..

it didn't help that when i came in, i got written up (first step in 4 of getting fired) for taking a cake order........fuck a bunch of that....

ma mom said she figured i had too many ideas, and was too much a free thinker for this company. she said whatever made me and dum happy, she would support. she even offered to work in ma bakery till it was established.

all i know...is that since i decided to step down, i've never enjoyed work more...or been so damn happy when i come home. ask dum...prolly the first time he's seen me smile after 11 hours EVA...

*grins and walks out**

so i woke up from my nap earlier, and dum says "ok. let's go to the e.r."

i got PISSED. not that he wanted to go, but that he waited THIS long to go, then says it all nonchalantly...as if this is our normal everyday life. which i guess it is. i told him YESTERDAY morning we should make an appt. with a doctors office...and go. but no...he wanted to wait and pussyfoot around and finally wants to go to the ER. great. another 5-6 hour wait for minimal healthcare. bahhhh...

much huffing, door slamming, and bitchy comments ensued...

anyway..after they look at his hand. "yep. you got bit" and give him a shot in the butt (which, by the way...dunno bout HIM, but made ME feel MUCH better). they send us out the door with a script for pain killers and antibiotics.

as for felony. dum had to talk to animal control. after telling him that 1. the animal is ours 2. the animal is not by nature violent and 3. the animal was provoked, they told us to keep him on 10 day house arrest, and will be mailing us some papers to fill out.

so all's well that ends well, i guess.

did it again.

dum had felony on his lap the day before yesterday. felony's the cat who's got the hurt leg. dum was petting him, and after a while, felony got irritated, as he usually does.

so he gave dum one of his "stop that" moves. opening his mouth and putting teeth to skin, as if to say, if you don't stop, imma gonna hurt you boy.

did dum get it? nope. he treats the cats like they're dogs. grabbing the lower jaw as felony opens it to nip.

so felony went in full on pissed off mode, sank his teeth and claws in to dum's wrist and arm, then took off. was kinda funny at the time, cuz trent (my other cat, and the one who's in love with dum) tore off after felony, then blocked his entrance back into the room. kinda like dum's body gaurd.

yesterday morning, dum's saying it feels like his wrist is broken, he has problems moving it. it's swollen, and a lil red. i immediately say, welp, here we go again. another trip to the doctor.

but he's being stubborn. in part because he's....well...he's dummy. and that's how he rolls.

in another part, if we go to the doc, the hospital is required by law to report it to animal control. and we could possibly lose felony. since he provoked the attack, i'm fairly certain it's guilt keeping him from getting the medical attention he needs.

i have his promise that if it get's any worse, he'll go to the doctor regardless of the outcome to ma cat.

someone suggested we just lie, and tell the doc dum got bit by a stray. if we do that, he's gonna have to get the rabies shot series, since we have no cat to produce to show it's free and clear from rabies.

ffs....just ONE month, without one of us winding up in a doctors office??