whoooohooooo 10,007 views on ma blog.....that means more to me than 10 views on ma pics!!!!!!!!!


thank you all for reading ma drivel

i luff you all

right. so today WAS the quintessential MONDAY. i leave the house @ 10 till 5am, and get a call from my opener promptly at 5:05..our main oven (the one we bake ALL the bread it) is DOWN...not working...at all...not even a lil bit.

yea...i need this...like i need a fuckin rusty nail in ma eyeball! what with the stress of this fuckin wedding cake, and having to mix and do all the orders on top of it, i tell her i'll be there as soon as i can get there...and pull over to vomit on the side of the road.

somehow...someway....we baked the bread in the lesser oven, which makes it look like complete and total ass. it will *hopefully* be fixed by the time i get there @ 4am tomorrow morning.

meanwhile...the cake....any decorator or even most of the non experienced will know that 1. red velvet cake is FAMOUS for being "crumby"....not crummy...but basically made of nothing but crumbs...so when you apply the icing, ESPECIALLY creme cheese icing, you get lil red crumbs all over. well...ma very first cake...3 layers, all separated...the middle tier is...you guessed it...red velvet and creme cheese icing. FFS!!!!!

i do the bottom tier and the top tier first... they're vanilla with buttercreme, and they turn out surprisingly well...smooth, fairly even, and nary a crumb to be seen. i apply a thin coating of creme cheese icing to the middle tier, the red velvet, put it in the freezer and go to vomit again, have a smoke, and try to calm myself a bit. my hands were shaking to much i was afraid i'd do damage to what i'd already done.

come back...and ice it...and it turned out sooooooo good. smooth...no "bubbles" or pitts....and.....NO CRUMBS....i add the borders and the polka dots, muddle my way throu the columns and such..

and viola....a wedding cake. not perfect...i messed up on the columns, so the middle and top tier were a lil crooked. BUT...i did it...and it didn't look like complete and total shit.

i'd prolly be A LOT more excited if i wasn't so tired... i was so sick with worry about the damn thing last night, i kept myself and dum up crying and freaking out till almost 2am. which means about 2 hours sleep. i figure i'll have a few beers, eat some dinner, then off to bed...i'm exhausted.

more tomorrow...







OMG!!! did you think i wouldn't post pics????? i'm not THAT exhausted!!!

the bottom tier... i'm proudest of this one.. the closest thing to perfect i've ever done...



the middle tier.. the fuckin devil red velvet and creme cheese icing....


and the top tier...yay!! the end!!lol


all of it together, where i finally delivered it...



it's an unfortunate circumstance that the bride choose lime green as the accent color... i think it would have been much better looking without the garish color...but....*shrugs*



she didn't cry ONCE because of the cake!!

k........i'm vomiting......freaked out........OMG i need to break a bone or something......

unless i have some horrible car accident or something more tragic happens between now and 6am tomorrow morning....i have to make...


a...


*gulp*

3 tier wedding cake.....

all separated...

ackkkkkkkk!!!!!

i'm freaked out. it's my own dumb ass fault....

ma boss lady looked at the order, and told me she was gonna call another store to see if they can have a decorator come over to do it.

my big mouth....my ego....says "nah, no worries. i can do that EASY."

FFS..........what the fuck am i thinking?!?!?!?!?!?!


everyone.....and i mean everyone has been telling me it's gonna be o.k....some even regurgitated ma own advise to decorators: "lawyers mistakes go to prison. doctors mistakes DIE. our mistakes get eaten"


DON'T tell me that!!! a wedding cake doesn't just get EATEN!! it's admired.... it's photographed HEAVILY.... it's prolly the most focal part of a wedding other than the bride and groom!!!!! if i fuck this up, the only thing this woman's gonna remember about the supposed "happiest day of her life" is how FUCKED the wedding cake was!!!!

everything's gonna be fine.... it's gonna be perfect. i'm ready for this... i can DO THIS DAMN THING!!

oh shit.....no i can't....

how is it, that out of ALL the men in the world, i seem to pick the ones who HATE feet??

i don't want em sucked, i don't want to jack him off with them....

i just want a simple fuckin foot rub when i get home after 12 hours of running on them....

/me goes to the medicine cabinet and/or bathtub for ANY kind of relief...

we were chattin via MSN earlier, she's moving out of mom n dad's house in august. and they've always told her she couldn't have a tattoo if she was living under their roof. hahaha...same shit that got me kicked out @ 17.

so for the past 4 or 5 years she's been wanting one....partly because they're so NOT taboo anymore, and partly (i think) because big sister has em all over. i told her from the first day she started talking about them not to get anything she wouldn't want to look at for the next 80 years or so.

she took me seriously. her concept has never strayed. she's wanted, from the age of 13 on, something with/like/of a scorpion. she's a scorpio like her big sis too, separated by 20 days and 10 years.

she finally decided on one, after much much thought...and when she showed it to me, i immediately WANTED it for maself. told her as much.

she got the idea of a sisters tattoo. since it's her first, and since i'm going to be there anyway, holding her hand. she asked if i'd like to get the same tattoo. OMG YES!! how cool is that? one of my most favorite people in the whole world getting a matching tattoo with me. yes

she's getting it smallish...on her right shoulder.

i'm getting the same one, hopefully ankle to behind the knee on the back of ma calf. i can't tell you how excited i am, not only to be getting some ink, but to be sharing the experience, AND the art with ma lil sister. sounds crazy, but it means alot to me.

here it is, isn't it BAD ASS?????




we're planning it for august. and i honestly CAN'T WAIT!!!

never really acknowledged it before...but i have a supremely embarrassing scar...

right on my mound...a perfect circle of white scar tissue.

it was melanoma. yea........a very weird place for it, i know. but...we can't pick and choose, eh?

i was only 14 when i noticed a dark spot where there had been nothing before. just coming into puberty, there was a bit of hair there as well....

so i showed ma mom. as embarassing as it was. she looked intently, and then scheduled a dr. appt. i remember that appointment so vividly. pulling down ma pants to show the nurse, and hearing her say "oh". in a somewhat disgustipated voice.

then the doctor...this supposed bastion of hope. i was in a gown by then, but had to pull it up to show him the troublesome spot. his first........and exact words.... "ewwwww".

wtf???? i'm already freaked out, not to mention embarrassed to the ninth for having to drop ma drawers and expose ma lightly dusted snatch.

he cut out the spot right then and there. it was benign. but i was told to keep from severe sun exposure, as i was now considered "highly likely" for all types of skin cancer.

so ma once olive brushed skin has now become a pale imitation of itself...and i use spf 50 as much as possible.

but i'm left that that stupid lil scar.....which prolly doesn't stand out half as much to anyone else as it does to me...a glaring reminder of "ewwww"

it seems that every time i get close to the edge...every time i think seriously about quitting, or stepping down.... i get another carrot dangled in front of ma face.

yep....it happened again.

had a bakery meeting with all the managers and assts. in the district, as well as our store managers, our district manager, and the boss of the bakeries for this district.

BEFORE that meeting, all the store managers and the DM had a meeting (what we call a good ole fashioned shouting match) about who should be promoted to one of the new stores opening in the near future. it's basically the store managers hoisting their bakery managers and asst.'s up saying "mine's better than his, promote THEM" and alternately talking smack about the others while letting it be known THEIRS walk on water.

as most of you know, the last time this meeting came around, ma arch nemesis not only didn't speak up for me, but told DM and everyone else i wasn't ready..and it would not be in the company's best interest to promote me.....fuckwad.

i should have had a clue when i accidently walked in on the meeting, saw all the chiefs sitting in a close circle, spotted mr. boss man, he looked over at me, and GRINNED.

hrmmmmmm......at the time i didn't know what that meeting was about. i gave ma typical cheezy grin, said 'scuese me gentlemen, and exited...

during the meeting for all of us, several times mr. boss man met my eye, and.....and....well...i'm not used to this at all...but he'd SMILE.

ma mom, who's a bakery manager as well, was sitting next to me, and kept poking me and whispering under her breath "he's smiling at you again. do you think he's gonna fire you or something??"

end of meeting, everyone chats and heads for the door. i somehow find maself in step with mr. boss man. usual business b.s. ensues...blah blah blah.

as we part ways in the parking lot, he looks over and says, "oh. by the way. be ready" i told him that I AM READY. that i've been chomping at the bit for 6 months now.... he tells me to keep chomping, and be ready.

for what, i figure ma own shop. where? who knows. in the next year alone, we should have between 4-5 stores opening within 150 miles.

ffs...just when i was all ready to give up, that carrot looks mighty tasty.....

get over it....

woke up today...my one and only day off...to dum telling me ma boss lady called.. and i needed to call her back.

nevermind she called @ 7am. nevermind it's my only day off. just the fact she called at all pisses me off. on her one day off (monday) i had an associate call out. she couldn't make it. i didn't call her, it was her day off. so it was just me, and another girl...all day...by ourselves....till my closer came in @ 1pm. we STILL had everything done by noon.

but no. she called me. first thing in the morning. to ask what happened yesterday. yesterday, i opened by myself, baked off all the bread, did all the cake orders, as well as 4 cases of keylime pies...AND mixed all the dough for the next day. busted my ass. got it done in less than 11 hours, too.

she wanted to know who mixed. i told her it was me. she says she had to throw out 2 racks of bread, "i don't know if they were overpoofed, or mixed wrong"

ffs...everything i've mixed in the past week...and believe me...i've been mixing ALL week cuz her lazy ass dosn't want to do it, has come out perfect.

ffs......such a stupid lil thing, but it ruined my day. i can't let it go. i'm so sick of this job and everything to do with it, about ready to step down to an full timer, and move back to ma old store. 40 hours a week......time and a half overtime, an extra dollar an hour on sundays... 1/10th the stress...

I went looking throu all ma blogs, but i guess the one i was looking for was last year. =( i wrote about ma dad, and how much he meant to me, and well...guess i get to re-write it again, eh?

my dad....father....dad-doo...pops....daddykins...daddy dearist...the man whose shoes dum has to try to fill...

is not ma biological father.

as a matter of fact, i didn't meet my dad till i was 9.

my bio-father (loving referred to as the "sperm donor" left my mom, brother and i when i was 5. not like we were too sorry to see him go..but that's another blog for a more depressing day.

mom re-married when i was 7. an asshole who barely rates a memory for me. the only thing i really remember is his haircut (i've never met a guy with this haircut who's not an asshole) and the fact he was from missouri. lol...sorry baby

but ma dad... met my mom while she was waitressing @ the NCO club, and still married to ex-step-asshole. they were obviously attracted to each other. he most deffo was...since he continued to date her after being dressed down by his commanding officer for "breaking up a marriage" AND getting to know her two smart ass hellion children.

he stepped up, stepped in, and by choice.....became a dad.

not saying everything was roses. i remember him cussing me out once, calling me a "little whore bitch" for how i treated ma mom in some teenage rebellion moment.

but i also remember him sitting up with me, lighting my cigarettes and wiping my face with a cool rag the first time i got REALLY drunk. he was worried i'd gotten alcohol poisoning.

we didn't really get along till i moved (or was kicked) out. but looking back on those years... i realize he was just doing what he thought was best for me. trying to turn me into a responsible adult *hahahahahahhaah* i did say TRY.

he was completely clueless as to what to do with two children, on the brink of teenagedom...yet his love for ma mom didn't let that stop him.

they celebrated their 19 year anniversary yesterday. and i forgot. ffs....

as for a father's day gift?? he's getting what he asked for...






socks.



*shakes head* and ya'll wonder why i'm the way i am =P

so, to all you fathers out there, hope you enjoyed your day...

*muwah* dad's ROCK

yea...almost 12 hours at work..not including the 2 hour drive back and forth..and i'm exhausted...lucky...mr and mrs suchsluts put me in the mood to take pics....and i, of course, made dum in the mood..lol.

ty....all...on blogs...chat...and forums...not to mention pics and vids...for making me feel normal after such a long ass day...

*muwah*