Today I spent the day in labor and delivery for one of the clinicals I have to do for my job. Got to see two babies born. I won't ever not be impressed and moved by that. One 17yo mom had a little boy. Her SO was in with her and the nurse in charge ask if he planned to stay for the birth and he said yes. We asked if he thought he would be OK and his cocky little self said he had seen it all on the Discovery Channel and was ready. Needless to say we had a pretty good idea what to expect. Before it was over he was propped up in a corner about to pass out. Mom did great. Her labor progressed so rapidly she did not get her epidural and had very little pain meds. She did great and so did the baby.

Number two was a little bit older couple, both mid 20's. This birth went a lot slower and dad did a lot better. He was very supportive but very excited. It was so cute. When the baby was delivered and the cord cut the doc placed the baby on mom's belly for a few moments before the nurse in the room took her to the warmer and to assess her. Dad came over to the warmer and was watching them dry her and stimulate her. They asked him her name and he told it but then said I've been calling her Laney for 3 months and just bust out crying.

I told the nurse I followed later that I thought L&D could be the neatest job in the world but also the most heartbreaking if things did not go well. And when things don't go well they are usually very bad where babies are concerned. I've coded babies in the ER that died and that's the worst feeling in the world. But you just cry with the parents and do what you can and have to move on. I look at my kids and grandkids and wonder how in the world I would have ever dealt with that and am so thankful I never had to. My heart goes out to anyone who has lost a child. Loosing any loved one is hard enough.

Well, two more days and I will be making a decision about someone. I gave myself a deadline. Actually I gave her a deadline to do something or tell me something. Maybe not fair because she does not know I did it. Still if she did, that might influence her decision and I don't want to do that.

You all have a good evening and take care.

This morning on the news it said that lots of ppl in their 40's are mildly depressed. I know I have a bit, sometimes more than others. The good news is that this usually diminishes once we get into our 50's. Never thought I would be looking forward to turning 50. Seriously I think everyone has spells where they feel depressed. Some just worse than others.

This weather certainly doesn't help. Anybody out there living on a sunny island have an extra room? I'm a really good handy man, I'll do inside and outside work and I give a good massage, or so I have been told.

Anyway, not much going on today. I may go to a movie later. Been wanting to see National Treasure.

You all have a good day and take care.

Dang it was hard to get out of bed this morning. Yesterday I went out to my woods and was working on clearing an area for a food plot for wildlife. Used a chainsaw and ax for about 5 hours. Cutting, chopping, dragging brush. Wore my ole ass out. Then last night came home got a couple beers and ran a tub of hot water and just soaked. Had a little pity party. Feeling sorry for myself about being alone and all I guess. Just kept adding hot water and beer. Not really a bad way to waste an evening. After my bath I got dressed and was going to go out and get something to eat. I could not decide what I wanted so I just made some popcorn and an amaretto sour. Had run out of beer by this point. I was getting borderline condition not to be driving anyway. My oldest daughter called me. She worries about me. We are so close. Probably closer to her than anyone. Her mom took off for California when Jenny was 13 or so. We hear from her but have not seen her since. Jenny is always saying you need to get out and get a girlfriend. She is funny. I tell her I'm trying. Well, I just watched a movie had my popcorn and went to bed. I was pretty tired anyway.

About 11:30 I was sleeping so good when the phone rang. I know this older couple I have done some handy work for in the past. Painting, minor remodeling, stuff like that. He had a stroke back around Thanksgiving. I need to read up on Christian Scientist a little. He had a stroke but did not go to hopspital and does not see doctors. He is paralyzed on his left side and falls often. I have been called many times to help get him out of the floor. I have tried to help them with advice about things like walkers and non skid shoes and referals to home health agencies. It is just so sad tho to think if he would have gone to the hospital that the effects of the stroke may have been minimal. I always try to support a person's beliefs even when I don't understand them. Anyway when I got back home I could not get back to sleep for a long while. The rest of the night was just in and out.

Seems the rest of the night was just a series of naps. This morning about 6:30 when it started getting light I started thinking about getting up. But my electric blanket felt so warm and I knew the house would be cold. I turn my heat down at night. I get so stuffed up at night if I get too warm. I just thought of how tired I am of being alone. I want to look over in the morning and see somebody there. I lived with a girl named Laura for about 4 years from 01-05. We got along pretty god and had planned to marry. She just got so jealous of my kids and was very critical of them. Finally I just told her I did not think we would ever agree on that subject and we probably did not have a future together. She moved out and I haven't had a real GF since. I want one but it seems the ones I am most interested in are either not ready or not interested in me.

T and I are still seeing each other a little but I feel like it is a constant effort for me to hold back. I want so much more than she seems ready for. I went to see the movie PS, I love you. I want to be in love and be important to someone. I remember a discussion with a girl about 9 years ago about if we wanted to be needed or wanted. At that time I wasn't sure. Now I know that I want to be wanted. Lots of ppl need me but it's for what I can do for them. I want someone to want me for how I make them feel. I want to make someone feel important and like they are so very special. Sometimes I feel like everything I have done for the last 10 years is just practice for the real relationship I am looking for. I have learned so much and can really say I know how to treat someone in such a way that there will be no doubt in their mind how I feel about them.

Well, as usual I got to rambling. I know there are lots of ppl here that are alone and don't like it.

You all have a good day.

Tom

There are a few ppl hear that I really like reading their blogs and keeping up with. Some are interesting, some inspiring, some sexy. There is one blog in particular that I think has to be written by what without a doubt has to be one of the best ppl I know of. She seems so kind and gentle. Also so wise for her young years. The things she writes are very positive and insightful. I'm sure the reason she writes is just to have a place to say some of the things she feels and share some of her thoughts. I am so glad she does this because it is just a blessing that she shares part of herself with us. I won't say who she is but will send her a pm telling her how much I think of her. Part of the allure of this site is digging through all thats offered and finding your own type of treasure.

1. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
- most definately

2. Have you ever fantasized about someone on your friends list?
- ditto

3. Have you ever seen anyone on your friends list on webcam?
- no. Don't have web cam

4. Have you ever spoken on the pone with someone on your friends list?
- no

5. Have you ever met in person someone on your friend's list?
- no

6. Have you ever accidentally prv' someone in chat by accident?
- don't chat

7. Have you ever been in a hot and steamy prv with someone in chat and had the other person suddenly go, leaving your last ruanchy statement posted publicly in the room?
- no

8. Have you even been carrying on two different naughty chats while in the NN chatroom?
- no

9. Have you ever been in NN chat while talking to someone physically in the same room as you are in while on the computer?
- no

10. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
- just depends on person. I prefer tho they be a little aggresive.

11. Do you love someone on your friends list?
- think a great deal of them.

12. Do you know all the people on your friends list?
- pretty much but just through here.

13. Love or money?
- Love

14. Credit cards or cash?
- CC usually.

15. Has there ever been anyone in your family you wish wasn't?
- yes

16. Would you rather go camping or to a 5 star hotel?
- Depends were and with whom.

17. What is the weirdest place you have had sex?
- At work in an exam room.

18. Would you shave your entire body (including your head) for money?
- shave my head anyway. I'd shave the whole works for the right amount but it would take a lot to pay me to keep it shaved.

19. Have you ever been to a strip club?
- yes

20. Ever been to a bar?
- too many times.

21. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?
- It was "suggested" i leave and take my gf with me.

22. Kissed someone of the same sex?
- no.

23. Favorite alcoholic drink?
- margarita

24. Had sex in a movie theater?
- felt and been felt up.

25. Had sex in a bathroom?
- yes

26. Have you ever had sex at work?
- yes

27. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
- Yes

28. Bought something from an adult store?
- Yes.

29. Have you been caught having sex?
- Yes.

30. Does anyone have naughty pics of u?
- sort of

31. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
- slightly. That's why I quit using names during sex.

32. Who do you think has the guts to repost this?
- Everyone who has a sense of humour

Dang this weather. Seems we have had more nasty days than nice ones. Just don't want to get out of bed but no body around to keep me there. Hope I am not sounding whiney. But I really do miss days of just staying in bed and cuddling and touching. Miss talking as well.

Not much going on. Tonight I get to go to Chuckie Cheese. Having a combined birthday party for the grandsons. I don't know if they are all over but if you have never been to Chuckie Cheese you are missing out. Kids out number the adults at least 2:1. Kids running, screaming, loud. They really need to serve alcohol. Just kidding. We usually had the parties for our little ones there and now 20 years later taking the grand kids there. Everything's a circle. Seems no matter how things change something similar always comes back around.

I took my 3yo grand son to the mall last night for a hair cut and just to spend some time with him. We signed in at Master Cuts and I swear to God the woman asked which one of us was getting a haircut. I shave my head so I get cracks made about that all the time about being bald. She never smiled and I really think she was serious.

Trying to catch up on some of the blogs today. We are all so different but so much the same. I think pretty much all ppl want the same thing. Just to get by and be happy. To see the ppl they love and care for happy and healthy.

Well, its back to the mall for b'day presents.

You all have a good day.

P.S. I'm over that wondering about shaving my body thing. I am planning on more pics tho soon. Just need some ideas.

T

Sometimes I hate being so hairy. I have a lot of hair on my body. Fortunately I don't have a real hairy back. I got bunches tho on my chest, belly and legs. Got a little on my butt. Sometimes I think about shaving, but where does one stop? You can't like, shave my abs and leave the chest and legs. That would look goofy. I guess I'll just stick to shaving my head and leave it at that. I do trim a lot of other places tho. I just don't think I would look right without hair at this point.

My sisters new BF is a "metrosexual" I looked up the term. Of 8 characteristics I meet two. A couple don't apply to me at all. The one using more than two hair products-I shave my head and borrowing things from the woman in my life-ain't one at the moment, don't fit. The carrying a purse sure as hell ain't gonna happen. And other than the occasional massage the spa services are probably gonna be a rare occurance.

I do care about my appearance and I do pick my socks to match something else I'm wearing.

This guy shaves his legs though. He "rides a bike". So do I but I figure there ain't that much drag from the hair on my legs.

Anyway. The differences are what makes us all interesting.

You all have a good night. I'm going after another beer.

Love ya all.
T

Yesterday was my youngest grandson's 2nd birthday. My daughter had the family over for cake and ice cream. She has another son that will turn 3 in about 2 weeks, what do they call that, Irish twins. Anyway, I usually like to try to have these types of things at my house because its bigger and more room. But my daughters live in bf knows I don't care for him esp after he got their house raided a couple weeks ago for drugs. I have made it all to plain that he is not welcome at my house. He can't support his kids or help my daughter with bills but has money for drugs. On top of that he is working with the cops to keep his sorry ass out of jail. I know the cops have a job to do but I am really disappointed with this next part. The other night my daughter came to my house because and undercover cop was at her house waiting on someone to show up and sell drugs to her bf. Why can't they conduct this business somewhere other than where two small children live. Supposedly shithead has narced on several ppl in his efforts to get himself out of trouble. My fear is that somebody is going to come looking for him at some point and I fear that my daughter and grandchildren are going to be in the wrong place when they do. Believe me I have talked to her at great lengths about all this. Not to mention the possible involvement of social services regarding having the children in an unsafe environment. It makes me sick but not much I can do.

On top of being in the same house with him my ex wife was there. I have gotten accustomed to being around her for such events. But for the life of me I can't see myself with her. She is 6'1" and weighed 135 when I met her. She now tells ppl her wt is 295. That along with her being there with her "Holy Union" wife. I think was it me that caused things to get so screwed up?

Sometimes I just about have to laugh or I would be crazy.

My first wife is a whole nother entry unto herself. I just keep hoping this thrid time's a charm saying is true.

You all take care

A while back I was writing about a girl I had been seeing that was going through a difficult divorce. She seemed a little interested but was very erratic about showing it. I had gotten to the point I really did not think much would come of this relationship but I had told her I would not rush her and would wait on her for a while but not indefinately. I told her I knew her life was very hectic and we would just go at her pace and do whatever she was ready for. Well, about early December she called early in the evening and something really seemed different. I thought her new job and everything was bearing down on her. That was the last I heard from her until after Christmas. I had sent her a bottle of perfume for Christmas with a note. I told her in the note I knew she could not offer much right now and did not expect much. A few other things but told her really this note was that if she was still interested at all she was going to have to let me know. I got a text Christmas Day saying I'll talk to you soon. Well, I don't hear more from her. New Year's Day we have a flight from the hospital where she works and when we pick up the pt you all can guess who the nurse is. I knew this would happen eventually so I just went in got report and the details of the accident.

I'll take a break to remind ppl not to smoke while wearing oxygen. You get nasty facial burns that way.

When I came in the room she gave me a almost uncomfortable little smile and I said hi just like I would have done to anyone else but I did hate how I felt about seeing her. Later that night I was debating about sending her a message about how we should just not even think about seeing each other now and do what we could regarding our ineveitable professional encounters. I was a little surprised when she called me. She said seeing me that morning got her to thinking. She said there had been something she had been told that had really bothered her. We talked about it and while the basic facts were true the person telling the story had exaggerated things greatly and been very wrong about when it happened. We talked for over 1 1/2 hours. I picked up coffee the next morning and we to see her and we talked some more. She said she had appreciated my patience all this time and ask why I had waited and even wanted to be with her. I told her I had seen something in her I had not seen over my last 10 years of dating.

Anyway her divorce is final now and the holidays are over. She is more settled in her job. I told her I knew things were still going to be hectic for her. She has three sons and very little help from her ex and some from her family. I would do what I can and she said she just has never had anybody be good to her so she had trouble accepting that. Told her we would just do what we could. She said she did not want to hold me back. I told her she couldn't even if she tried. I would hang around but when the time came for me to go forward I would try to take her with me if she wanted to go.

I do feel there is a lot of potential here. She has already hurt me all she can. I was completely ready to move on and chalk this up to experience but am so tired of doing that. I know my resolution was to not spend time in go no where relationships. She has promised things will be different. She has a couple weeks to show me. She called this morning and invited me to lunch. We'll just have to see.

I'm rambliing again.

You all have a good day.
T

Happy Belated New Years to all. I had to work and word is that the company would frown on me visiting while at work. No sense of humor about them.

Anyway, I could only come up with a couple for the New Year.

Loose some weight. Be down to 195 by Feb 28th and stay there.

Recognize "going no where" relationships and spend less time there.

Something I've always wanted to do is skydive and learn SCUBA diving. Going to do at least one of them this year. Maybe both.

I wish the best to all.