Wasn't that bad. This girl is just so different than any of the other girls I've dated for any length of time. She is just so much more independent. I sort of like that idea because it seems many of the girls in the past have so dependent of me it was almost like having another child. All I know is I've seemed to be doing the same things and getting the same resuts. That's partly why I have been so reluctant to up and chuck this relationship.

Sometimes I do feel I keep making excuses for her behavior. I do think tho that she is a very strong willed person and if she wasn't interested she would have no problems telling me. I know when I came out of my 14 year marriage I had to relearn how to give and show affection and interest. She invited me to lunch Friday. Also to some trauma conference for 3 days the end of this month.

On a happier note. I had lunch with my daughter J yesterday. Her little belly is really starting to show. She works in the ER I worked in for 9 years. She works with some of the same nurses I worked with and when I see them they always brag on what a good girl and worker she is. I am very proud of her. Her mom took off 12 years ago and she has been with me since. Her mom calls from time to time but J has not told her she is even married much less pregnant. It has gotten to the point J does not want her to come back and she thinks if she told her that she will try.

I try to think I love all three of my kids equally but J is my eldest and we have always had such a close relationship. Ppl have told me my kids are lucky to have me but without a doubt it's the other way around. No telling where I would be or what I would be doing if they had not come into my life.

Supposed to get into the 60's today. Nice weather the next few days. I may get my bike out today.

You all have a good day.

Got a text this morning from a girl I have been seeing. She seems to have been avoiding me lately but asked if she could call me tonight. I pretty much felt this relationship was over but did not know how it was going to come about. That's what I feel like the call will be about but maybe not. Still I hate the wait. Hate to wait on anything. I am a very quiet person but never been a patient person. I can wait quietly and that gives ppl the impression I am patient. Does that make sense? I should have said no it's not OK.

It's cold here today. Things froze pretty good last night. Today is supposed to be nice tho. That is winter here in Western KY. Seldom stays cold for long just back and forth. Makes you prone to colds all winters. I would rather it get cold and stay cold. That's one thing I really liked about Alaska. That and it was just so breath takingly beautiful.

You all have a good day

Had a flight today that I just knew going into was going to be a first. We went to a hospital to pick up this 22yo in premature labor. She spoke NO english. I was thinking oh crap. I don't want to be delivering no babies today or any other day at 28wks. When I assessed her I had to check her belly and I felt a contraction and the baby kicking. That to me is just so neat. Anyway, we explained things the best we could through an interpreter and loaded her and tok off. I was very happy that she seemed to remain comfortable and even slept through part of the flight. I was even happier to introduce her to the nurses at Norton's in Louisville, KY. Baby still where he belonged.

I was nervous about this trip but I am sure she was to. Her hands were shaking bad when she signed the spanish consent form. Not knowing what was going on and not being able to understand the ppl taking you away from your family. No telling what all was going through her mind.

Flying back was very pretty. The colors of fall and the visibility today was awesome. About 40 miles. I still think "man I get payed to do this" at times. The other night now was a different story. We flew nonstop from 11:00 PM til almost noon the next day stopping only for fuel. I was dead dog tired when I got home.

Anyway, if it was all just peachy you would soon loose appreciation for the good times.

You all take care and have a good evening.

Most of us have favorite sayings. Do you think we try to live by them or just use them to justify how we live and some of the things we do?

A couple of mine are:
It's what we do most of the time that is either going to help us or hurt us. This one justifies my occasional grease dripping cheeseburgers I love so much.

Another is the definition of insanity is repeating the same action and expecting different results. God how many times have I done the same things and then wondered why the same things happened?

One that can be interpreted two ways is: Nothing very good or very bad lasts for very long. I use that one to remind me to endure the bad and enjoy the good.


If anyone has any they would like to share I would like to hear them.

Thanks and ya'll take care.
T

How's the song go? Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody. Then something about getting paid and layed? Maybe I got that one confused with what I'm thinking.

I am feeling good tonight. Got in a good workout and instead of a protein shake followed it with three beers and a glass of wine. Red wine is good for you isn't it. It's doing me pretty good at the moment. I feel like dancing. That's another song from a long time ago. I think I might hunt up a DD and go out. Anybody wanna come along. There just isn't a lot to do in P'town on a Saturday night but with enough "loosening agent" anything is pretty good.

Man I wish some of you guys could come along. Anyway I need to shower and get ready. I at least need to eat. I don't know if its the alcohol, lack of sleep or lack of food but I feel pretty good tonight. Wish me luck. There is a certain person that I really would love to teleport here if that was possible and I bet she knows who she is. We would have a blast.

You all take care.
Tom

I know the advice is good. Sometimes even when you hear it tho it's hard to listen. I did come to the realization today that I deserve more consideration than I have been getting. I always feel we make time for what's important to us and she hasn't made much time for me.

Thanks again everyone.
T

twl wrote do what makes you feel good. That's not the same as "what feels good".

I have told T twice that if she has lost interest to just tell me and I will understand and have no hard feelings. She tells me she is but then seldom calls, does not return my texts and acts anything but interested. She has good reasons for us not going out at present but no reason she can't call me. She has been home a month and I have seen her once and that was when she came over and I fixed her breakfast.

We had talked about going to Vegas next weekend. She was going to go meet up with some friends she made while in CA. Last night she said it looks like it might be a girls only trip now. I felt like saying I wanted her to do something with me. They have seen her a lot more over the last 4 months than I have. Sometimes I think that would be sticking up for myself and sometimes just whiney. I feel so ridiculous about this. I am 47yo and feel like this is some damn high school game.

Anyway I am going to give things the month of November to see what happens. If she is not acting more intersted I am going to move on I don't care what she is saying.

Seems crazy to spill my guts like this to a bunch of strangers. There are so many reasons why everyone is here. If anyone has any advice on this I would love to hear it.

You all have a good day.
T

I had wrote about this girl I was seeing that took a traveling job in CA. She is home now. We have been talking and she wants to take things real slow. I understand. Her divorce is just now final and all. She started a new job after coming back to this area. her kids are adjusting as well. I understand and like her a lot. Part of her going slow is waiting to have sex. i don't think she cares that much for it anyway. She loves the kissing and cuddling but the actual intercourse makes her sore she says. Part of that I think is just lack of exposure. Anyway.

My dilemma is that there is another girl that I dated before meeting T. She has been calling about me coming to see her. She just wants sex or so she says. This girl is probably one of the better partners I've ever had. She gets so hot and sooooo wet. Her tight little shaved pussy tastes so good. I know tho that if T finds out that will be all she wrote in that respect. She sends me text msgs late at night telling me how wet she is. Tells me what she is doing. Really teasing. I know its part of the game. Don't most women like the chase as much as anything? Men to I guess. But this girl does like sex. Like every time we saw each other. Sometimes she would have to be fucked as soon as I got there to pick her up and again at the end of the night.

Now that I have maybe kinda ducked out of the game waiting to see what T is going to do there are all kinds of girls and women acting interested. I am really torn but know what I probably should do. As much as I like to have fun and believe me I think sex is great fun I feel I should practice a little restraint. Damn tho it's hard sometmes, no pun intended.

You all take care.

Waited over an hour to give 3 min of testimony then another hour to make sure I would not be recalled. Still raining. Too bad we can't send a little of this rain to the western states to help out with the fires. I feel for those ppl out there.

It's been raining here most of the last two days. Such a good day to just cuddle up with someone and stay in bed. Can't do that tho. Have to go to court later. I have to testify in some case involving an assault that I took care of the guy afterwards. Seems two guys broke into an 83yo's house and beat and robbed him. Sad that ppl have no more regard for anyone than to do that. I would rather not go but I guess I'll go do my civic duty.

The girl from CA came over for breakfast this morning. I had not seen her for 4 months. We had talked while she was gone. I had missed her and wondered what seeing her would be like. It was good to see her. We talked about a lot of things. We decided to just see each other when we can and see how it goes from there.

Well, I better head to the courthouse. Fortunately that is a place I am not all that familiar with.

You all have a good day and be careful.

T