Rain and thunder. That's the forcast for today. I got up early to start cooking. Going to have the kids over for our Thnksgiving meal today. They all have things for tomorrow with their SO's and their families so I thought why not have ours on Wed. This is the only way I could get all three kids here at once. Of course some probably think this a little thing but things just are not the way they used to be. I remember going to my grandmother's house for the big holidays. Now I am the grandparent, damn, this is one of the occasions I feel I'm getting old. I just don't enjoy the holidays like I used to. Things have gotten just way too commercialized.
I usually get stuck hosting because I am the only one with a house big enough to hold everyone. I guess I should be thankful I am in a position to do what I can.
Well anyway. I'm gonna chill a little and get through this and get things in order. Meaning my affairs and my life. By affairs I don't mean my relationships with married women either. Not that I have never done that but it seems they all were just looking for their next husband, someone to take care of them. Too much drama.
One girl that was trying to get me to fool around with her was downing how I was waiting on T. She said T just needed to go home and be a mother to her children. I looked at her and asked what would you say if I told you that you should go home and be a wife to your husband. Really pissed her off.
Maybe I am wasting my time with Tonya. Time will tell. I think the worst thing against us is our timing. If we would have met a year from now I believe things would be all together different. As it is we have been talking and seeing each other some for almost a year. I would think if she did not think something down the road might be possible she would have not stayed interested. Still sometimes I think she is just doing enough to keep me around until she makes up her mind.
I know I am very quick to fall in love. What I realized about myself is that I fall in love with who I think a person is. Later when you get to know that person they are not who or what you thought they were. I have repeated this scenario many times. Sometimes they get hurt sometimes I get hurt. I am going to slow down and see what happens. She may end up not being who I think she is. I may not be who she thinks I am. I am pretty much resigned to the probablity that at some point Tonya and I will stop seeing each other. I'm just not ready to be the one to call it quits yet.
I think it is OK to fall in love, actually it's great to fall in love. I myself just need to be a little more cautious and slow the hell down. Maybe this is too nonchalant an attitude to have but what I have been doing hasn't worked too well.
One thing I love about NN is that I can write whatever I want. Sometmes I get feedback and sometimes not. But I do get a chance to come back and read what I wrote later.
You all have a good day. |