Parkinson's update. I am much worse than I expected, and I am a little bit better than I expected. I have a difficult relationship with levodopa. That is the number one medication for Parkinson's. It is not a manufactured drug in a laboratory - it is an amino acid, prevalent in all kinds of foods. It causes crazy low blood pressure for me, and it also gives me nausea like I have never experienced before.

I have been studying the use of CBD to treat Parkinson's. But I have no prescription, so I have to improvise, buying from the authorized cannabis provider. It is expensive, but my pension is a little bit higher now. Poverty is my real existence, and I do not blame anybody else for that. I had no idea what I would encounter when I moved here to Quebec. It has been a constant learning. I identify more with poor people, and much less with rich people. That is my karma.

I have learned, much to my surprise, how to reverse some of the damage to my legs, hips, and lower trunk. I am amazed that I can walk without a walker or a cane for 35 steps. Yes, I do count them, each one is so precious. My trunk flexion surprises the hell out of me. I suppose that my exercise routine is partly responsible for that. My lower trunk is extra long, so I have learned how to protect it. Cannabis has taught me how to walk again.

It reminds me of the Japanese meditation method called kinhin. One step, one breath. It is a very good practice, all my life I have done kinhin. I learned how to do it many years ago, from good people.

Death is always right beside me, whether I am in the bathroom, having a shower with an attendant from public health, or eating a nice meal that has been cooked for me here in my shack. I do not try to walk if I feel too weak. It is only one instant away from death.

It is a very good thing that loneliness has never been my problem. All my life. I don't think I have had very many moments of real loneliness in my life. I have always known how to entertain myself. Partly that explains my interest in Brittney Griner. She obviously knew how to entertain herself. I am so impressed with her. Joe Biden made the right decision.

Levodopa causes nausea, but it also corrects the more serious gastro intestinal problems that come with Parkinson's. That is the vagus nerve talking to me, dontchaknow. The other day I tried to convene a big meeting with all of the cranial nerves, to try to get some consensus on how to proceed from here. But it erupted into name-calling, punches were thrown, and chairs were sent flying. It was a hopeless mess.

One of my favourite activities at Christmas time is to listen to the story read by Al Maitland of CBC radio. If you look for the story called The Shepherd, you will see it. I have listened to it once on the airwaves Friday night, and I heard it once yesterday on the podcast . Quite likely I will listen to it once or twice more. That man had such an exceptional voice. He is one of my all-time favourite CBC hosts. He reads the story in such a way that I constantly have goosebumps and shivers up the spine. It is so sad to lose the legacy of CBC radio. The people in charge now are morons.

So, yes, I do identify as a Christian. There is not much I can do about it. My grandfather was a preacher, and a missionary, and so was my father; so it is my inheritance. I have to do the best and not complain.
I yam a preacher.

Thank you to all of those in the USA who voted with intelligence and compassion, and clarity. Allen Ginsberg is proud of you. I was prepared for bad news, but so far it does not look too bad.

I just finished watching five or six little films, cartoons and music, all to do with different aspects of masturbation. It is about time that the subject is given its due. These are Little vignettes of cartoon. Totally adorable, so well done. It is quite sophisticated. I have never heard about them before. They were made in 2022.

I dunno if ya can see them in the U.S of Hay or in UK. The title of the series is Magical Caresses/Playhouse. The creator is Lori Malépart-Traversy.

Look for National Film Board of Canada. Such a brilliant buncha people. Take a look.

In a dim, dusty, shabby saloon in Dodge City, Miss Kitty is laying in the lap of Marshal Dillon. Their eyes meet, and Miss Kitty twirls a curl of her hair between two fingers. Choosing her words carefully she asks "how come you don't want to talk about your feelings, Matt?"

Yes, I yam still alive, still here. Even more than ever I am convinced that the self revelation and exhibitionism of Allen Ginsberg is a very important moment in history. We would not be here at all if not for jewish dharma. What had been closed and hidden and unspoken is now open and made accessible to everyone.

We do not know what we are capable of as spiritual/sexual beings.

So I received an email from CBC Radio just out of the blue, responding to something I said a long time ago. I had forgotten all about it. If I try to compress or condense what it said, it was that CBC Radio has no definition of the word Intuition. It can mean anything you want it to mean. We don't care - you can use it anyway you wish. CBC Radio doesn't give a flying fuck.

Part of the problem with the jungian 4 functions in our everyday speech is that we do not have precise definitions and meanings. Intuition and Thinking are not interchangeable, they do not come from the same place. But in our common language we say that we had a hunch, a feeling, a sensation, an intuition. So right there you have three different functions to describe the same activity. We do not have a clear definition of intuition. Jung spent a lot of time pulling apart the threads of the language of Intuition, but these days you do not find many people who have the discipline or patience to read carefully.

When you spend some time reading Jung and studying the concepts you can see that the 4 functions, introvert & extrovert, the 16 types, active imagination, and dream study, etc. are highly compatible with astrology. Jung considered himself a student of astrology, as an adjunct to the study of mythology and religion. Jung did not have a mechanical or causative understanding of astrology. He coined the term "synchronicity". Many people use the term incorrectly.

There is a method for examining one's hypothetical responses to internal/external stimuli according to the 4 functions and 16 types. It is available online, using the name The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. It is a longform questionaire, and at the end you get a synopsis of your typology at that particular moment. It can change over time, however, in response to studying and integrating.

I think it is a mistake to use the terminologies of Jungian psychology without the necessary concepts. The concepts of the Inferior Function, the Shadow, Animus/Anima, and especially the conscious work of Individuation must be engaged. Individuation is the central principle. It is only then, once the conscious work is engaged that the truths of spiritual teachings can be apprehended. Self-deception will be less likely. You won't go off the deep end with fanatic enthusiasm. You won't get hornswoggled, in other words.

I was introduced to the writings of Carl Jung at a very early age. I even had plans to travel to Switzerland to study at the Jung Institute. Nowadays I can watch YT videos of Jung and the men & women around him and get great satisfaction.

I remember one evening, many years ago, I was waiting for my partner to be ready to go out for dinner. I was watching a heavyweight boxing match on tv, and the two boxers were going full blast in the last round. Sweat, saliva and blood splattering with each heavy blow.

Suddenly, my partner was ready, and she said let's go. I said wait a minute, they are almost finished. So she watched the last minute with me. Nobody could hear the bell at the end of the match, nobody knew that the match was over because the crowd was making so much noise.

The two fighters stopped punching, and they embraced each other, wrapping their arms around each other. They were kissing each other on the side of the head and each whispering in the ear of the other. They were drenched in sweat, slipping and sliding against each other.

It was a very dramatic conclusion after a difficult competition. My partner could not believe what she was seeing. She said "what the hell are they doing ? what happened?" She could not believe that they could be so affectionate after trying to punch each others lights out.


So I said, well they don't hate each other. They are just glad that it is over, and nobody died. Nobody had to be carried out on a stretcher. They are just glad to be finished, after training so hard for the fight.

If you want to read a feminist view of boxing, then look for a little essay written by Joyce Carol Oates, simply titled On Boxing. She grew up in boxing culture, having a very original point of view. She writes so beautifully. She writes about the homoerotic aspect of boxing with bluntness, but also with forgiveness.

Did you know that it used to be a common expression to say that a boxer who had been hit hard, and was on shakey legs, that he was on queer street? "Oh, he is on queer street now." They did not mean that he was a homosexual, they just meant that he was ready to fall, stumbling around.

Joyce Carol Oates uses the anthropological term "deep play" to describe the culture of boxing. It is a mysterious kind of play, and there are examples of it in all cultures. I highly recommend her little essay to anyone interested.

When I was first diagnosed with Parkinson's disease I was asked about head injuries, and I said, yes I was knocked out in baseball, in hockey, and in martial arts. However, there is another part of the possible etiology. Over the years I had many jobs in gardening, green houses and indoor landscaping. I was exposed to fungicides, herbicides, and insecticides. There is a lot of speculation about the long term effects of these chemicals.

So it is interesting to me now that I spend a lot of time watching YouTube videos from the long history of boxing. I also watch videos of horticulture and gardening. When I watch a good boxing video I seem to extract something of the intention of the two combatants, and I respect both of them. I might be having a real crappy day with the tremors and the pain, but something about boxing keeps me interested in living, fighting through.

I am still really, really pissed off with CBC Radio. They use techniques of covert manipulation in newscasts, trying to snag new listeners with sounds of gunfire, bombs and people screaming, woven into the background. Fuck off, creepy little people. You have ruined a great tradition of truthtelling in CBC Radio. You have turned it into something hideous. Fuck off, creepy little people.

I remember one evening, many years ago, I was waiting for my partner to be ready to go out for dinner. I was watching a heavyweight boxing match on tv, and the two boxers were going full blast in the last round. Sweat, saliva and blood splattering with each heavy blow.

Suddenly, my partner was ready, and she said let's go. I said wait a minute, they are almost finished. So she watched the last minute with me. Nobody could hear the bell at the end of the match, nobody knew that the match was over because the crowd was making so much noise.

The two fighters stopped punching, and they embraced each other, wrapping their arms around each other. They were kissing each other on the side of the head and each whispering in the ear of the other. They were drenched in sweat, slipping and sliding against each other.

It was a very dramatic conclusion after a difficult competition. My partner could not believe what she was seeing. She said "what the hell are they doing ? what happened?" She could not believe that they could be so affectionate after trying to punch each others lights out.


So I said, well they don't hate each other. They are just glad that it is over, and nobody died. Nobody had to be carried out on a stretcher. They are just glad to be finished, after training so hard for the fight.

If you want to read a feminist view of boxing, then look for a little essay written by Joyce Carol Oates, simply titled On Boxing. She grew up in boxing culture, having a very original point of view. She writes so beautifully. She writes about the homoerotic aspect of boxing with bluntness, but also with forgiveness.

Did you know that it used to be a common expression to say that a boxer who had been hit hard, and was on shakey legs, that he was on queer street? "Oh, he is on queer street now." They did not mean that he was a homosexual, they just meant that he was ready to fall, stumbling around.

Joyce Carol Oates uses the anthropological term "deep play" to describe the culture of boxing. It is a mysterious kind of play, and there are examples of it in all cultures. I highly recommend her little essay to anyone interested.

When I was first diagnosed with Parkinson's disease I was asked about head injuries, and I said, yes I was knocked out in baseball, in hockey, and in martial arts. However, there is another part of the possible etiology. Over the years I had many jobs in gardening, green houses and indoor landscaping. I was exposed to fungicides, herbicides, and insecticides. There is a lot of speculation about the long term effects of these chemicals.

So it is interesting to me now that I spend a lot of time watching YouTube videos from the long history of boxing. I also watch videos of horticulture and gardening. When I watch a good boxing video I seem to extract something of the intention of the two combatants, and I respect both of them. I might be having a real crappy day with the tremors and the pain, but something about boxing keeps me interested in living, fighting through.

I am still really, really pissed off with CBC Radio. They use techniques of covert manipulation in newscasts, trying to snag new listeners with sounds of gunfire, bombs and people screaming, woven into the background. Fuck off, creepy little people. You have ruined a great tradition of truthtelling in CBC Radio. You have turned it into something hideous. Fuck off, creepy little people.

Moon coming full.

Without any obvious first thought, first intention, I realize now that I have started to say goodbye to the mountains and forests that I knew 40-50 years ago, in Western Canada. Part of that time I lived in a rural/wilderness community where I learned from some very important individual teachers as well as from a dedicated experimental collective of learners. I was extremely fortunate to meet these folks. It is hard to find a comparable example. I have the memories deep in my heart,deep in my mind. I am myself from that.

I have been looking for news about the many forest fires all over the west, feeling my heart so heavy, so fearful and hurting for those I knew 45-52 years ago. It does not look good at all. I am having vivid and intense memories of our shared experiences.

No rain for many weeks, everything bone dry, hot winds in the afternoons and evenings. Many fires, no relief in sight. I cannot imagine facing oblivion like that. My own life is hard because I have Parkinson's disease, but I would not want to trade places with those homesteaders that I knew. Spend fifty years building a home out of rocks and logs. Jimi Hendrix & Taj Mahal music coming from house, chickens running around.

It seems impossible. An unprecedented fire season is occurring. Logic would say that there is no way out of this catastrophe. Common sense would say that the fires will take everything. Common sense says climate change will obliterate many homes, many communities.

I feel myself withdrawing, pulling back, retracting my feelings. Panic is useless, I do not have the resources to respond with reason. Recently, I have had nightmares with fire episodes. I was never very good with fire-fighting, because at night in bed I would close my eyes and see nothing but flames. I was not a good fire-fighter.

I call this apartment in Montréal a shack, and in the Kootenay mountains I did live in ramshackle cabins and houses. No running water or electricity. I remember waking up in the morning with gentle snowfall and not a sound in the forest around the shack. No sound at all when I got up to meditate. A cup of water beside the bed had a thin sheet of ice in it. Build a fire in the wood heater before breakfast. These memories are so intense, so powerful.

I have a Montréal life. For 26 years this has been home. I need to focus all my desire and intention upon my real life here. Stop constantly seeking updates on the fires out west. Yes, I do have Parkinson's disease. Big hairy deal. I need to use Apple dictation to make this post. Big hairy deal. I accept these limitations and try to find peace. It is not easy. Big hairy deal.

Sun in Cancer - moon in Libra

So many unrelated currrents of momentous import are upon us now. It takes courage to have eyes and ears open to what is happening now.

I look at news all over the journalistic spectrum, but I have not yet disengaged from CBC Radio. It has been my constant companion for the past 56 years. I became welded to CBC Radio in my teen years, listening to late night discussions, frequently with earphones, high on LSD. Now I can hear the voices of Robertson Davies and Marshall McLuhan and Leonard Cohen. Radio is both intimate and eternal.

As I have said before, one of the biggest piss-offs is the use of the word "counterintuitive". You hear it so frequently on the radio. It is an idiotic expression.

You either understand the word intuition or you don't. If the word does live in your vocabulary then you try to protect it from contamination and trivialization. Intuition is a dynamic and perennial function of the psyche. It is one of the four functions of the mind as elucidated by Carl Jung. Analytical Psychology has much to offer us now as an intellectual framework.

In popular media you hear the word "counterintuitive" to describe something not obvious, not guessable, not sequential. But if the living meaning of the word intuition is important to you, you do not engage it in this way. Because the mental effort of guessing is not the same as the manifestation of Intuition. No comparison. Guessing is really an action of Thinking. Thinking is one of the other Jungian four functions. Thinking and Intuition are not interchangeable.

CBC Radio has done a pisspoor job of telling the truth about climate change. During the afternoon commute you will hear the radio announcer grooming and stroking the solitary driver/commuter as though they were the crown of creation, the zenith of consumerism, the big boss. Very, very little discussion of public transit or social responsibility. CBC Radio is a pimp for the automotive inustry.

The choice of words for the newscast during the commute hours is very indirect and imprecise. The driver/listener might change the channel if they are being challenged or insulted.

The other day I turned the radio on in the early afternoon. I heard a small group of 30-year olds laughing about something, jabbering away. So I listened more closely and then realized that they were all laughing about what they had watched on an American latenight tv talkshow, the night before. It broke my heart. For fuck sake!


Don't they know why CBC Radio was created? Don't they know the real story? I think that those CBC thinkers who were loyal to the real stature of independent media got weeded out. Nowadays on CBC Radio you can listen for more than two hours without hearing a single Canadian musical selection. The people making decisions are less intelligent, less knowledgeable, less competent. Why do I keep listening to this crap? Huge amounts of taxpayer public $$$ going to big American corporations. American pop music is not free.

Why the fuck does CBC Radio play American pop songs that can be heard on six different commercial stations here in Montréal? It would appear that CBC Radio has admitted defeat, given up, surrendered to the tyrant of American pop music. It is becoming more and more rare to hear a Canadian grass roots song played from beginning to end.

The only positive thing that I have to say about CBC Radio and its social commentary is the way that the public is being informed about the residential schools. Thousands of indigenous children were xxxxxxxxxx to attend residential schools , and sometimes they did not return home. Only now with the technology of ground penetrating radar have the graves been discovered. And the Roman Catholic Church which ran the residential schools does not want to cooperate in the investigation.

Children were abused, tortured and murdered by the priests. It is unbelievably sad and brutal. For many years the church has tried to keep it hidden. The possibility that they will have to pay retribution is what is most dominant in their thinking. The Vatican sits on huge piles of money, fine art, and properties that are never disclosed to the public. No doubt one of the wealthiest entities on the planet.

CBC Radio is now poised to directly confront the Roman Catholic Church and accuse them of murder. This is correct use of public radio, and I commend them on their bravery. This is a very ugly fight, but it is essential. The Roman Catholic Church is the embodiment of evil.