Steve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine and boring."
Get creative buddy.
Break up the monotony.
Why don't you try playing doctor for an hour?"
"Sounds great," Steve replied, "but how do you make it last for an hour?"
"Hell, just keep her in the waiting room for 45 minutes!"

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians.
After the tour of a reservation, she was curious about the number of feathers in the headdresses. She asked a brave who had only one feather in his headdress. His reply was, "one feather, one squaw."
She asked another brave, feeling the first was only joking. This brave had four feathers in his headdress. He replied, "four feathers, four squaws."

Still not convinced that the number of feathers indicated the number of squaws involved, she decided to interview the Chief. Now the Chief had a headdress full of feathers which, needless to say, amused Ms. Walters.
Ms. W: "Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?"
Chief: "Me Chief, fuck-em all, big, small, fat, tall, fuck-em all."
Ms. W: "You ought to be hung!"
Chief: "Damned right, me hung. Big like buffalo, long like snake."
Ms. W: "You don't have to be so hostile!"
Chief: "Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any-style, fuck-em all."
Ms. W: "Oh, dear!"

Chief: "No deer. Bum too high, run too fast."

A good fuck costs nothing, but gives much. It reaches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory sometimes lasts a lifetime. None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it, and none is so poor but that he can be made richer by it. A good fuck creates happiness in the home, fosters goodwill in business, and is the countersign of friendship. It brings rest to the weary, cheer to the discouraged. A good fuck is sunshine to the sad, and is nature's best antidote for trouble. Yet, it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a good fuck. Give them one of yours, as none needs a good fuck so such as he who has no more to give.

A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You foreigners Come in. Come into my humbleshop." So the married couple walked in.

The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel."

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex hero he was. The husband asked the man, "how could sandals make you into a sex freak?"

The Pakistani man replied, "Why don't you try them on and see for yourself?" Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years -- raw sexual power.

In a blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani man, threw him on the table and started tearing at the guy's pants.

All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, "YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!"

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday and wanted something appropriate as they had not been dating very long. After careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom's and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:


I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I were there to put them on for you the first time as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year!

All my love.

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

College Station Texas
Associated Press Wire Service


Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.

At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and beat him to death

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs , "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum , "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work...

The 'asshole' is usually in charge!

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird section. Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem". The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere birds in dat cage op dere," says Gerry, "Put dem in a peeper bag." The clerk does and the two guys pay for the birds and leave the shop.

They get into Gerry's van and drive until they are high up in the hills and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500-foot drop. "Dis looks loike a grand place, eh?" says Gerry. "Oh, yeh, dis looks good," replies Paddy.

They flip a coin and Gerry wins the toss. "I guess I git to go first, eh Paddy?" says Gerry. He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a 'SPLAT'. As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head and says, "Fock dat, dis budgie jumpin' is
too fockin' dangerous for me"

PART TWO

A minute later, Seamus arrives. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar 'peeper bag'. He pulls a parrot out of the bag, and then Paddy notices that, in his other hand, Seamus is carrying a gun.

Hi, Paddy. Watch this," Seamus says and launches himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot's head off. Seamus continues to plummet until there is a SPLAT!, as he joins Gerry's remains at the bottom. Paddy shakes his head and says, "An' oim never troyin' dat parrotshooting nider"

PART THREE

A few minutes after Seamus splats himself Sean strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar 'peeper bag'. Instead of a parrot he pulls a chicken out of the bag, and launches himself of the cliff with the usual result. Once more Paddy shakes his head - "Fock me Sean, first der was Gerry wit his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrot shooting and now you blimmin' hen gliding"

A man with a stuttering problem tries everything he can to stop stuttering, but he can't. Finally, he goes to a world renowned doctor for help. The doctor examines him and says "I've found your problem. Your penis is twelve inches long. It weighs so much that it's pulling on your lungs, causing you to stutter." So he asks, "What's he cure, doc?" The doctor replies, "Well, we have to cut off six inches."

The man is eager to cure his stuttering so he agrees to the operation. The operation is a success, and he stops stuttering. Two months later, the man calls the doctor and tells him that since he's had the 6 inches cut off, all of his girlfriends have dumped him, and his love life has gone down the tubes. He insists that the doctor do another operation to add the six inches back on.

There is silence on the other end of the telephone, so the man repeats, "Hey doc, didn't you hear me? I want my six inches back!" Finally, the doctor responds, "F-f-f-f-f-f-u-c-k y-y-y-y-ou!

ALIENS ARE COMING TO ABDUCT ALL THE GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY PEOPLE.

YOU WILL BE SAFE, I'M JUST POSTING THIS TO SAY GOODBYE.