Busy day to start with. Woke up and went to Waffle House with the 'rents. MMMmmmMMmm trash plate. Afterwards we went to one of the gun shops in town. They just happened to have the gun I was looking for.


Glock 36. .45 caliber. Single stack. Yeah, my panties got wet. Fits my hand like a dream, not too heavy. Turns out my high school bff has one, and she loves it. Can NOT wait to get to the range and rent one, see if it shoots as good as it feels.

Stopped by a craft store. Picked up a few things, so I have something to keep busy with. Started a new cross stitch project. Hoping to get it done within 6 months. I have very special plans for it when it's finished.


And because that's not enough to do, I'm going to learn how to knit. If I'm gonna live with old people, I should fit in, right? My first project is a scarf for myself (cuz I'm pretty sure I'll make a buncha mistakes). I saw this yarn and HAD to do something with it.


I've spent the rest of today organizing thread and such. Such an exciting Saturday night... *yawns*

Saw this today on FB and thought of Toy:



And for Handsolo....It DOES exist!


Happy Friday, all. I had a supremely relaxing day thus far. My parents are dragging me to some church thing tonight. I don't think they quite understand I am not, nor will I be, converting to Catholicism. O.o

Or... otherwise known as Valentines Day.

I slept in this morning, mainly because I was up till after 2:30 this morning. (Thanks, Hoss for keeping me company) Got up, ate breakfast, took my vitamins, yadda yadda.

Went out looking for a job. The one I was positive I'd get back in a snap (my old one) kinda...uhh...Well. I forgot to pay them back for 2 vacation days I had taken and not worked off yet. So till I do, I'm not eligible for re-hire. So. There's that. Decided rather than take my parents offer of paying it off for me, I would rather take some crap job for a month or two, so I can pay it off on my own. Stubborn, ain't I?

Anywayssss...I go out and put in a few. Should have saved the gas. Most places have online applications now. Get home, fill out one for a fast food joint, send it in, and go out and smoke before I start on app #2. I'm not even done with my ciggy before District Manager of fast food joint is calling me asking me to come to an interview in an hour. O.o

*Shrug*

Of course I have the job. The only people who want to work at fast food joints are high school kids. Still waiting to hear back from a different grocery store, they'll pay more. That takes care of the job issue.

The dogs went nuts at the door earlier. I get called into the hallway. And she's holding a beautiful potted orchid plant. For me. Uhhh...okay. Read the card and I get a great big grin on my face. It is perfectly within my rights as a woman to get a little girlie when given flowers. Especially on a day like today, when none were expected.


Happy Thursday to everyone! xoxoxox

Meanie woke me up at 6:30 this morning so we could say our goodbyes. Goodbyes suck. Always. Even if you know you're going to see them again one day. They just.....suck.

Saying goodbye to Dum, I cried. I hate crying. It makes my face all red and blotchy, and my nose runs something fierce. Snot bubbles, while amusing, are not at all attractive. I got to do it all over again when I said goodbye to Ruben. She gave me a Xanax and a box of tissues.

It should say a lot about how I've grown in the past two weeks that I was able to hold it together when Meanie left. Well...at least till he turned the corner. Then the teddy bear Ruben gave me had a long tear stained snuggle session with me.....he didn't seem to mind the snot bubbles so much.

Yeah, saying goodbye sucks. There's no way around it. But it doesn't have to be forever. Now I'm drying my eyes and looking forward. I've got a lot of shit to get done, and no time to do it in.

It's been Tuesday for a whole 21 minutes now. So I'm totally not blogging twice in one day.

Yesterday was.. oh hell.. an emotional ride. Meanie was supposed to leave around 5am this morning. So he wanted to get up early yesterday morning and have a full day, so he'd get to bed at a decent time and have his wits about him for the loooooooooong drive... I (dunno how) woke up at 6:30 am. What did I do???


Woke his ass up too. Ha! After morning grooming and such, had a quick breakfast of birthday cake and coffee. MMMMmmmm credit Bill Cosby for this...but cake for breakfast?!? Should OMG be on a menu somewhere. We unloaded his SUV of all my belongings I could take with me, then grabbed the keys and took off.

I took Meanie to the little park we have in my parents' lil sub-division. I would have felt embarrassed by the lack of nature around, had he not been so enraptured by the bay. It was supposed to be raining, but instead it was 73 degrees and sunny. I quickly took him from the park to the REAL beach....before the weather changed to rain like it was predicted to.

It was pretty awesome. Since it'd been storming, the gulf was choppy as hell. Decent sized waves without a hurricane coming in. Of course, I made Meanie take his boots and socks off, as well as step into the water. I did the same. OOOOOOOOooooOOooo shit!! That water was cold! I'll never ever in a million years forget the look on his face when he was facing land, intent on Facebooking something, and a stray wave caught him. His jeans were soaked (he'd rolled 'em up to his knees) alllllllllllllll the way up to his ass. Since I'd seen the wave coming...I was a safe distance away. Ahahahhahahahha!! Don't worry... shortly after I got caught by one, which soaked my jeans from knees down.

We got to stay for an hour or so, then the storms came in....raining on our parade. =/ Still....the beach during a storm is a very special sight. Ah well...this fucker is too long already! I'll split it up I guess... gonna take me a week to tell ya'll what we've done in two days.

I just wish he could stay longer

We made it here safe and sound. We were either ahead or behind all those really bad storms. Only got lost once, and I didn't once have a panic attack or need a Xanax. Go me!

Meanie is loving the beautiful weather. High 60's. Today I'm taking him for his first look at the ocean, then to a few other places. We're meeting up with Ratta for drinks later. It's gonna be a good day.

Being home is like.....well. Being home, I guess. I'm loving it. Everything seems so different and yet like I never left. I'm currently typing this out on my new Samsung tablet. Mom upgraded and have me her "old" one.

Hugs and kisses to all for the encouragement and love. I couldn't do this without ya'll.

So there's this....well...it's a fucking mountain... here where I'm staying with Meanie (CB).

Actually, it's a bunch of em, put together..and called the Devil's Backbone.... for a reason. LOL....

Meanie wanted to take me up to see the sights from the top of the bluffs. As always in life, there was an easy way up, or a hard way. He asked me which way I wanted to go.

....


Do ya'll REALLY have to ask which way I chose? I was so freaked out before we started... The only hiking I've done is in like.... you know, nature parks. Where there are paths, and everything is neatly clipped and such.

Not this rodeo, ladies and gentlemen.... We started the hike easily enough, Meanie pointing out to me different types of trees, "critter holes", telling me which rocks were gonna be slicker than the other, etc....

I have never been closer to the Gods, or God, or Higher Power, or whatever you call it, then when I had to basically do a pushup, in a running creek, to lower myself down to a pure spring, right from the ground. You people out there, drinking you're "spring" water.. PFFT! Sweetest, most delicious and wonderful tasting thing EVER!

Meanie made it a point not to help me along the way. He let me trip, he let me stumble. He did point out possible hazards, as well as school me on a few things... (the rocks with red on them.... dun step on em. slippery as shit). But with the exception of one lil bit, he let ME do it. He actually left me behind a few times, just because I was being so slow. Never out of eyesight, but... you get my drift.

The last bit of climbing... Oh dear.. lol... I still kinda shake thinking about it. The last climb up to the top would have been hard.... it was made a bit harder by the fact that A. I had to go first... and B. Our entrance to the bluffs was RIGHT next to a big ole cave, complete with a well worn path to and from it. (For all you "city folk" like myself, that means something BIG is living there). So Meanie had me go up first, as he had the gun, and me just a piddly ole knife.
O.O

Okay, so not only am I freaking out about trying to get up basically a vertical rock wall, NOW I have to think about a bear or something coming to tear ma ass up.... Nice.

Made it up, with Meanie safely behind me. And.....Oh. My. GAWD. I thought the woods were spiritual and beautiful. The view I had... hell, I could see Missouri, how high we were. I can't wait to share the pics...

Like I've told a few people, this land is called God's country... I have a feeling every prayer, every wish I sent into the universe was heard. I could feel it by the gentle breeze sneaking along the bluff to chill my sweat, I could feel it in the sweet spring water I drank, I could feel It all around me.... and I needed it.

Going down was harder, actually. Mentally, not physically. I'm afraid of heights... so, I got more weak kneed with Meanie standing on the edge of a bluff sitting......shit, I dunno..... 60...70 feet off the ground....then I did slipping and sliding my way across moss covered rocks trying to get across a spring.

All I know is..*I* made it up that mountain. Meanie helped. Ish. *I* was afraid I couldn't do it. *I* was the one unsure of myself. We didn't take the sight seers tour...Meanie told me the way we went up was for experts only.....

and I did it. No help. Me, Myself, and I got me to the top of that mountain. It hurt. It was beautiful and wonderful and OMFG magical.....there and back. But *I* did it.


Maybe I am stronger than I feel, eh?

Well, I gotta admit, kudos to TWL for making such a fantastic challenge yet again. Meanie and I had massive amounts of giggles taking them.

I took 2, and I'm sure if you've been following along with the trainwreck that is my life, you'll understand.



And my second:


There have been some AWESOME people playing along, I'm loving the creativity and originality of everyone's. Please be sure to check everyone else's....

The players are:

hernhim1996, lovemybabygirl, MrCoverYou, Whispermyname, BuxomXhunter, guitartxn, MissOwl, MieleGattina, bighoss2, Hillbillys_Pride, Howlin, Bigtex0087, amancalledpony, bound_sighs, needsithard, curious48, ali_dee, 12gaugefan, nudiebare, unicornsam, Cotton_balls, Catastrophic, Safire13, Northern Star, nickey69, masterstoy91, milfmuffin, Army_brat_uk, Oceangirl, kricket187, arabella_topaz, Wrigley, fluffydawg, peachy keen, angelindisguise, sidders73, rockhard6isback, onib28, BBWBrook, petiteprincess, redvs4u, celticone, Uschi7337, ThicknHard1forU, and me tight_wet_lips

Had some shocking news this morning, but won't reveal exactly what as it's highly personal and not my news to share.

I feel like I'm trying to run underwater. O could spend all day and night sleeping and I would still feel like my arms and legs are dead weight. I did get motivated enough to get dressed and start some laundry. I might even try to eat something, if for no other reason then to avoid the glare Meanie will give me when I've told him I didn't eat.

It seems like anytime I get a little hope and happiness in my life, something comes along and snatches it away. I don't remember all 7 stages of grief, but I haven't reached anger yet. I really wanna get to that stage. I think it'll be my favorite.

you all

This song has been stuck in my head since the night I left Dum. It's been my mantra every day.... breathe....just breathe.


Meanie has been taking such good care of me, I'm lucky to have someone like him in my life. Even mundane things like having lunch at a Chinese buffet with him and his son, I can feel my heart healing slowly. It'll take time. So I'll just keep breathing.

I never really put much faith in fortune cookies, but yesterday mine was so fucking appropriate, figured I'd share it with you.
"Keep in mind that it's the journey and not the destination that counts"

Thanks to everyone for the PM's, Texts, Phone calls, and long distance love. I love you naked crazy people.