lil sis
Gift Premiumi enjoy many interests including playing the bass, painting, sculpting, and being naked. i would live naked if the law allowed it.
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- 55 years old
- Female
- Joined 18 years ago
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lil sis's Blog
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Friday, April 7, 2006, 9:43:03 PM- Sense | ||||||
i feel pretty good today. Yesterday i had a long nap and woke up feeling anxious and icky. i had an overwhelming feeling that work was going to be really bad and that i was going to be pulled over by the police on the way in or that my car was going to break down. i had no reason to think either thing. i am a careful driver and keep my car in relatively good repair getting regular oil changes etc. i just had a bad feeling about the day. When i arrived at work, no police or break down, my relief was short lived. Before i could even clock in i was met at the door with the news that a co worker, one of the few i would call a friend, was involved in a car accident. He stopped at a red light and when it turned green was t-boned by another speeding car as he entered the cross way. He was seriously injured and we do not know if he will survive. Later i was told the time it occurred and it was just moments before i woke from a peaceful sleep feeling like my day was going to have a dark cloud over it. i told pauline all about this when i got home, and she said i would have to get used to it. she says that she often hears people tell her that after spending time in her presence they “pick up vibes” about others. pauline has a sensitive nature that allows her to know things most people do not pick up on. She is a great judge of character and is rarely fooled by deceptive people. i am often fooled. i want to believe the people are mostly truthful and honest and give them the benefit of the doubt. i often make excuses and look the other way where others short comings are concerned. i usually end up hurt in the end, but i have to keep believing there is good in everyone. i am sensitive in other areas though. i have dreams that often come true later. Nothing like earthquake predictions or plane crashes, just a sense of De ja vue. i know that i have experienced a moment in a dream state before as it is happening, a conversation or the way someone enters a room, i know what will happen next down to a breeze blowing their hair in an exact pattern, or a fly buzzing their face. i am not saying i am psychic or anything, but i am reading your mind right now. Yes i am. Ha you did not know i could read minds did you. Yes it is so true. ok so don’t believe me. lol Just kidding. | ||||||
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Thursday, April 6, 2006, 4:51:12 PM- My dream | ||||||
i work nights. i often take naps in the daytime so i am awake and alert at work. i am a Sort Lead in a warehouse, where forklifts and other dangerous equipment is being operated and have to pat attention to my surroundings. i supervise the mail being sorted. i was taking a nap when i began dreaming that Sir was fussing at p for lifting a heavy five gallon container of gas to fill the tank of the riding mower. *Sir has told p and i that if one of us should displease Him, the other lucky soul will be spanked. In my dream i lept from the bed and raced outside. i stripped off my robe and took hold of the outside swing's A frame in each hand, exposing my backside for the punishment to come. Sir was suddenly behind me with an ostrich skin flogger in each hand. These floggers have a real bite to them and are mounted on a swivel to keep Sir from having to rotate His wrists to much. Sir began figure 8 motions that spanked a steady rythm across my buttocks and lower back. i jerked in response to each smack, the sound of that hide hitting my flesh causing my juices to flow and my skin to warm at the sting. As Sir punished my body He continued to lecture p about doing to much. He expressed his love for us both and His displeasure at having to remind her to take better care of herslf. The dream ended to quickly as most really good ones do in my case and i woke up a bit horny. Later p told me Sir gave her a talking to about lifting the gas can. They had been under the window of the room i was sleeping in. If only i had awakened, my dream could have come true. lil sis | ||||||
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Wednesday, April 5, 2006, 9:12:48 PM- Happy Anniversary, Sir and p | ||||||
my post today will be short. Today is Sir and pauline’s 6th Wedding Anniversary. It is also the mile marker in our time together as it is one month today we have shared our hearts and home. i just want to say to you, my lovers and best friends. i love you both. You inspire me to be the greatest person i can be. i strive each day to be a person in life that you can be proud of, and find pride in myself each time i succeed. You encourage me to be myself and love me wholly as i am. The encompassing love we share makes it easy to see how well you succeeded in uplifting one another and giving support and care to last these 6 years. The love you gift each other lends hope and credence to all my dreams that i have found the home and love that i have been searching for all my life. Thank you for keeping all things open and honest between you, and cultivating the love that began in your first meeting. Thank you for allowing that love to grow large enough to share with me and for including me in your lives and hearts. i know that many more mile stones will be reached as we continue to grow together. Congratulations my loves, and many happy returns. lil sis | ||||||
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Tuesday, April 4, 2006, 6:55:12 PM- Masturbation 4/4/06 | ||||||
i have not been masturbating much lately. i respect Sir, and honor His request for me not to orgasm without His permission. i love pauline and was a bit guilt ridden enjoying the pleasures life has to offer me when she is in such pain. i know she wants me to have fun and pleasure even if she is unable to at this time. We talked about it and i feel better about my desires. Now i only have to deal with sleeping all snuggled up against her sexy, hot body and wanting to jump her bones, when she is to hurt to be jumped. LOL When i came home from the doctors office, Sir said he was proud of me and granted me permission to have as many orgasms as my little heart desired until i went to sleep last night. You would think i would jump to it, caressing my fold and stroking my tiny nub to exhaustion, as i have done in the past, bit i did not. i was excited and wanted to use this gift to the fullest, but it was more important to me right then to talk to pauline. i wanted to fill her in on what the nurse had told me and discuss my future health care. This has become more important to me then my own pleasure. i don’t know when that happened. i have changed so much since Sir and pauline have begun showering their love on me. i want to be worthy of that love and healthy enough to enjoy it for a long, long time. i pondered this after i left pauline in the bedroom to rest. In the past, i would have wanted to jerk my cloths off and begin to use myself in the most debase methods available to me. i have two vibrators. One of them is generally penis shaped and has a variety of sleeves with bumps or anal probes etc,. It serves it’s purpose. The other is bigger. It is a personal massager that has a rechargeable battery. The head of this thing is about the size of my fist. It has 2 settings and nubs on the edge. i would have used them both for hours before i came to the loving place i am in now. i would have found demented and pain filled ways to abuse myself to the fullest extent of my imagination, but i realized something important. i realized i need love. i need to be able to give it freely and to receive it back with out condition. i found Sir and pauline and am the happiest i have been in my life. Sir and pauline feed my cravings for pain, but in a more controlled environment that will not get out of hand. He requires that i have a safe word and reads my body so well i don’t think i will ever need it. His insistence that i have one just shows me that He cares. He also feeds my desire to be loved, so much so, that my cravings and desire for the constant sexual gratification, has diminished. i still love sex, masturbating, and orgasm, but in this new loving relationship, they are not the total focus. This love is a well rounded balanced healthy environment. No one thing has the total focus all the time except me, all of me. i don’t mean to sound selfish or self centered here. i mean that Sir and pauline focus their love on me as a whole. They don’t love me because i am a good lay, or because i dress funny, or because i am tiny, they love the whole package. They simply love me, for who i am. i love them for who they are and the circle of love is complete and grows stronger with each sharing and gift of love we exchange. So when Sir granted me permission to masturbate and cum freely through the day, used myself to my own great pleasure, but not, to the surprise of all three of us, to the extent of abuse. i never turned on either of my vibrators. i did not need them. i was so sensitive from not continually touching myself that just the gentle caress of my fingers was enough to send my body into the zone. i did not have to self fist, or cause my self any sort of pain to find release. That is what Sir and pauline’s love has done for me. When we climbed in to bed and were snuggled in for the night. pauline reached between my legs and began rubbing my already sensitive clit. She brought me to climax quickly and another soon eclipsed as Sir began pinching my nipple. i bucked and grinded against Him as i was overwhelmed with passion and was rewarded quickly by the feel of His powerful erection pressing into my throbbing puss. i was totally satisfied last night and slept like a baby. i thanked Sir and pauline for the beautiful gift they have given me before drifting off. i love you Sir and pauline. i can not tell you both that enough. i am so free and empowered by your love, i don’t even have to be submissive to my own body. Funny to say, but true. | ||||||
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Monday, April 3, 2006, 11:30:21 PM- My day so far | ||||||
i got up early enough to beat Sir to letting the kids (ducks) out. i was able to sit in the, not to cold outdoors, and enjoy the sun set. Usually when i see it i am coming home from work and i am to tired to enjoy it. i got on NN and poked around for a bit and then had breakfast. pauline made oatmeal sweetened with raisens, Mmmmm pauline. i had an appointment with a Nurse at a family pratice i have been accepted to as a new patient. After waiting all week, she told me she was mislead by the referal she received. She refered me to someone else. My diabetes is out of control, so she won't touch me with a ten foot pole. Ha ha. The doctor she refered me to is supposed to be the best. That's ok ten feet is a bit much for me anyway..lol i am supposed to be taking injections, 2x a day. My old doctor told me to stop. i am so glad not to be seeing him anymore. His name is Dr. Wantabe (sounds like want a be) if you meet him run. lol We had fresh halibut for dinner last night. Mmmmm. pauline showed me how to cook it to perfection. she normally does not allow anyone entrance in to her kitchen. i'm special and she makes me feel so, by teaching me some of her receipes and allowing me to be her cooks assistant. i love you Sir and p. | ||||||
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Monday, April 3, 2006, 11:30:11 PM- My day so far | ||||||
i got up early enough to beat Sir to letting the kids (ducks) out. i was able to sit in the, not to cold outdoors, and enjoy the sun set. Usually when i see it i am coming home from work and i am to tired to enjoy it. i got on NN and poked around for a bit and then had breakfast. pauline made oatmeal sweetened with raisens, Mmmmm pauline. i had an appointment with a Nurse at a family pratice i have been accepted to as a new patient. After waiting all week, she told me she was mislead by the referal she received. She refered me to someone else. My diabetes is out of control, so she won't touch me with a ten foot pole. Ha ha. The doctor she refered me to is supposed to be the best. That's ok ten feet is a bit much for me anyway..lol i am supposed to be taking injections, 2x a day. My old doctor told me to stop. i am so glad not to be seeing him anymore. His name is Dr. Wantabe (sounds like want a be) if you meet him run. lol We had fresh halibut for dinner last night. Mmmmm. pauline showed me how to cook it to perfection. she normally does not allow anyone entrance in to her kitchen. i'm special and she makes me feel so, by teaching me some of her receipes and allowing me to be her cooks assistant. i love you Sir and p. | ||||||
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Sunday, April 2, 2006, 7:08:54 PM- Thank you | ||||||
i just wanted to thank all the loving support i have received since my last post. All the comments were welcoming and sweet. i feel right at home here. Thank you all. lil' sis | ||||||
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Sunday, April 2, 2006, 7:05:15 PM- Sir's recommended topic | ||||||
Sir has referred me to a topic for today’s post. The question given to me is… 1) How does being a submissive relate to having feelings of resentment? 2) Are these feelings allowed? A little background on how this topic came to His attention. i have diabetes. i have lived with this disease for over 15 years. i have attempted in the past in a sporadic way to deal with it, but i did not feel bad, and doing sugar checks and injections is painful. i have a tremendous sweet tooth, and love of starchy foods like bread and potatoes. Getting my diabetes under control was not conductive to feeding these cravings. Also, i did not really care about my health. i was depressed and felt i had no reason to continue living. Not taking care of my self was a slow acting form of suicide. i would come to terms with my mental health issues and try to get a grip on my physical health for a while only to give up with an array of excuses as to why i would stop. Since moving in with Sir and pauline i have this overwhelming desire to be the healthiest i can be. i want to get this diabetes under control. It is a struggle. i test up to 4 times a day and i have yet in the time spent here to get it below 200. This is bad. i have been eating all the right things. i have taken my medicine mostly as i am supposed to. i have been doing as my doctor has ordered. It is frustrating for me. i am being good, but the results i want are not happening. i have even been finding out many new things about my disease. i went to the American Diabetes Association (ADA) and did some research, not liking a lot of what i read there, i started to dwell on all the things i was not going to be allowed to enjoy with my new healthier lifestyle. i am supposed to start eating 6 small meals per day. This will keep my pancreas busy making insulin. When i eat just 3 larger meals, my pancreas stops between meals and the insulin is not being produced. When i do eat a meal it is sluggish and my sugar skyrockets out of control requiring more assistance from outside resources, ie injections or pills. i am dealing with all sorts of conflicting issues in regard to eating 6 meals per day. The feelings i have are comparable to the feeling of anxiety i deal with after making an appointment with the dentist. Say i have a toothache. i call the dentist and set up a time to see him in a week or so. i suffer with the pain avoiding hot and cold, and worry about the pain i am going to suffer at his hand. Appointment day comes and i drag my self in after exhausting my list of excuses not to go, or rescheduling a few times. i sit in the chair, get the lecture about regular visits, and the drilling to fill the offending cavity begins after the Novocain is administered. i leave with the feeling of relief because the pain is gone, and the visit is over with relatively no added pain. Saying to my self, “That was not so bad. Why was i so worried?” This does not make the next visit any less stressed over. Same is true with this lifestyle change. i keep thinking that 6 meals per day is going to leave me feeling hungry all day long, since i will not be eating until i am full at each meal, smaller portions. Or that i will gain all kinds of weight by eating more often. One of my loved ones, who is knowledgeable in this area, having someone in Her life with diabetes, says that neither of these will be the case. She says that i will actually loose weight by eating healthier and getting the proper exercise. i know this to be true intellectually, but emotionally i struggle with the reality of it. i have researched the Diabetic Food Pyramid. It is a bit different from the USDA Food Pyramid, but basically the same. All i could focus on was the items of food that i would be giving up. Some of these things i would not really have to give up, just cut down on. In a tantrum i declared that i would not eat bagels if i was only allowed ¼ of one as a serving, because that tiny amount would only put the taste of a bagel in my mouth and make me want a bagel. i know childish, but i have strong instant gratification issues. Part of the long list of things i am working on. Now to the question. While researching the ADA site my mood and attitude were not the best. Sir and pauline, interested in my well being were trying to get some knowledge on the topic as well. They were sharing bits of information and setting plans to assist me in my new lifestyle with dietary advice and well meaning restrictions that are going to be set in place. Like enforcing the dreaded 6 smaller meal a day plan. i was getting crumpier by the minute. This alarmed me somewhat. i do not like having negative feelings, especially around or concerning Sir or pauline, and these negative feelings are in direct conflict with my desire to be a good and obedient subbie. Sir assures me that any feelings i have are not wrong or bad. It is in not expressing them to be dealt with that the mistakes are made. So i tearfully confessed that if they became the food police and continually corrected my eating habits, i will feel like i am never going to be good enough, and will take it as negative criticism and start to resent them. i am already doing what the doctor ordered and feel like a failure because my sugar level will not go down. Sir smiled and said that it was ok if i resented them. They still love me. i want to serve Sir, and pauline as an extension of Him. i crave His Dominance. i desire His attention. i yearn to live as His submissive caring for His needs until the day i am educated, healthy, and balanced enough to be considered a good slave. i pine for these things and wish for nothing more, so having these conflicting feeling of resentment surrounding actions that are for my benefit and driven by love for me are confusing and unsettling. i read pauline’s posts daily as she also reads mine. i noticed a comment on one of her blogs saying that as a slave she should not feel jealousy. i do not agree with this statement. No disrespect to the poster of this comment, but pauline is a beautiful, caring, loving, giving, nurturing, supportive, intelligent, desirable, creative, wonderful, sexy, awesome person with no reason to be jealous. The most important word in that descriptive sentence is PERSON. pauline is a slave, yes. Foremost, she is a human being. she has feelings that range the spectrum of the Tone Scale. The Tone Scale is a concept Sir has introduced me to. It is a way to measure emotional well being. There is a center to the scale where boredom is located. “Positive” emotions like happiness and contentment are included on the higher levels above boredom. “Negative” ones are found under boredom. No feeling is wrong, not even the negative. pauline was able to focus her energy on resolving these feelings of jealousy and she learned more about herself in the process. How could that be a bad thing? The only wrong found in emotions is not dealing with them and staying in one area of the Tone Scale. Even in the positive areas. A person has to be constantly sliding along the scale to be healthy. 1) i am a submissive. i am also human. i have feelings, some of them positive, others of them not so. Sir says that i did the right thing in expressing my fear that resentment would build despite the fact that they are being “bossy” out of love. That my submissive side craves this Dominance and i want this, does not diminish the fact that i have feelings and they need to be experienced for growth. i have not been able to do this on my own. i need this loving assistance. We will deal with the resentment as it arises. i know it is like the dentist and i am stressing about the possibility of resentment more than it is warranted. It may never really become an issue in my daily life. i have never had to deal with people really loving me before, so i am learning and dealing with all kinds of new emotions. 2) Yes, it is ok for me feel any feelings i do, as long as i deal with them. | ||||||
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Saturday, April 1, 2006, 8:23:50 PM- Salutations from newb lil sis | ||||||
i am new to NN, and just wanted to say hello. Some of you may have been alerted to my presence by reading slutsrus' posts. she is my sister in servitude and one of my love interests in the triad poly relationship we share. (Hi sweet p, i love you) We serve the same Master (Hi Sexy Sir, i adore you), she as a slave and i as a submissive trying to reach the point where i have a gift worthy enough to offer the right Master, and earn the privilage of wearing His collar. i am new to all this computer blogging and a bit slow at it, but if any one sends me a comment or message i will try my best to respond in a timly manner. i respect other people's points of view and honor communication striving always to forgive ignorance and misunderstanding, however i expect the same from others. Please be polite, when writing to me and i will respond in kind. i hope to make lots of new friends here and know that having NN as a resouce will be rewarding as well as fun. A little more about me... i was in a 3 year relationship until last January. i have been a natural submissive my entire life, and was looking for a Dom to compliment this aspect of my personality for some time. i did not realize that is what was leading me into dangerous, abusive relationships time after time, so i repeated the same patterns. my last boyfriend never beat me. his abuse, was emotional. i do not capitalize letters in reference to him, because he lost my repect and i will go into this further in future blogs. he is called t. t is an over all good guy. he does not eat children, or kick puppies or anything. he just was not right for me and our relationship failed. i left saying we wanted different things from a relationship. i went left and he went right. Post break up i saw a friend with benefits for a awhile but was still not happy. When i got in contact withsome long term friends, Sir and p, my new family, things kind of whirl winded and here i am happier than i recall being ever in life before. i am learning so much about the lifestyle i have been craving for so long. i am a creative being. i love to write music, paint, sculpt, do crafts, and many other things. i am looking forward to learning how to garden, cook and sew. i am a nurturing creature. i love taking care of the needs and desires of those i love and have learned an important lesson about submitting to only one, returning my power in the rest of my life. i am still learning and growing in the topic of who i am, and hope anyone reading this and future blogs enjoys riding along on the journey with me. Thank you for reading, lil' sis | ||||||
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