alaun's Blog - page 21

When I was a Boy my Ma used to send me down to the local shop with a Pound and I'd come back with 5 Bags of Spuds,2Loafs of Bread,3 Bottles of Milk, a Hunk of Cheese, a Box of Tea and 6 Eggs.
You can't do that now.
Too many Fuckin Security Cameras!!!.

I Think that the only REASON why people hold on to MEMORIES so tight,for so long is because MEMORIES are the only THINGS that don't Change,even when PEOPLE do!

1...Make Peace with your Past so it doesn't spoil your Present.

2...What others Think of you is none of your Business.

3...Time heals almost everything,give the time,sometime.

4...No one is the reason of your Happiness except YOU yourself.

5...Don't compare your Life with others,you have no idea what there Journey is all about.

6...Stop Thinking too much,its all right not to know all the Answers.

7...Smile, you don't Own all the Problems in the World.

Ten reasons why we know Santa is a Man!.

1...No Dress sense.

2...Never replies to your Letters.

3...The chances of getting what you ask for are Nil.

4...Beer Belly.

5...Will only Commit to One Day a Year.

6...Obseesed `with Stockings.

7...Never stops to ask Directions.

8...Too Lazy to Shave.

9...He always wears the same Cloths.

10..Only willing to do a job because People leave out Food and Booze for him and he doesn't have to do the Washing Up!!!!!

We do three types of Job here.

GOOD,FAST and CHEAP
You may Choose any two!

If it is Good and Cheap then it will not be Fast.

If it is Good and Fast then it will not be Cheap.

If it is Fast and Cheap it will not be Good.

That Awkward moment when Someone's Zipper is Down and you don't know whether to tell,because you c'ant Explain why you were looking that LOW!!!

Dear Santa, I have been a good Boy all year!!!

OK, so most of the time!!

All right once in a While!!

Fuck It, I'll buy my own Shit!!

What Fits your busy Schedule better, Exercising ONE hour a day or being DEAD 24 hours a day!.....

Today the Government announced that it is changing it's national symbol to a CONDOM, because it more Accurately reflects the Government's Political Stance.
A Condom allows for Inflation,Halts Production,Destroys the next Generation,Protects a load of Pricks,and gives you a sense of Security while you are actually being Screwed.
Dam,it just doesn't get more ACCURATE than that!........

Before MARRIAGE......

John...Ah..At last I can hardly wait.
Jane...Do you want to Leave me?.
John...NO! Don't even think about it.
Jane...Do you Love me?.
John...Of cause!. Always have and Always will.
Jane...Have you ever Cheated on Me.
John...NO!,Why are you even Asking.
Jane...Will you Kiss me?.
John...Every chance I get.
Jane...Will you HIT me?.
John...Hell No!Are you Crazy?!.
Jane...Can I trust You?.
John...YES.
Jane...Darling.


After MARRIAGE.....Read from the Bottom back to the TOP....