OK I am hositng trivia on Friday night and to make it equally fun for everyone, even those who are not filled with useless crap like I am ( thats why the deep, dark brown eyes) the theme is STUPID LAWS. Things that make no sense at all. Should be a blast.
OH and there will be a surprise too! Don't miss it, its gonna be great!
Beach

An old fellow was celebrating 92 years on this Earth. He spoke to his toes. "Hello, toes!" he said. "How are you, toes? You know, you are 92 today. Oh, the times we've had! Remember we walked in the park in summer every Sunday afternoon. The times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy Birthday, toes!"
"Hello, knees," he continued. "How are you, knees? You know you're 92 today. Oh, the times we've had! Remember when we marched in the parade? Oh the hurdles we've jumped together. Happy Birthday knees!"
Then, he looked down at his crotch. "Hello Willie! You little bugger. Just think. If you were alive today, you'd be 92."

When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this.

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer
section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be
very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone
so you will not be disturbed . Change into very comfortable clothing and sit
in your favorite chair, open the package and remove the thermometer.

Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become
chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins - Take out the literature and read it carefully. You
will notice that in small print there is a statement, "Every rectal thermometer
made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested" . Now, close your eyes and
repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do not work for quality control at
Johnson and Johnson."

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS
WORSE THAN YOURS .....................................

If a state’s ‘porn’ sign won’t slow down drivers, nothing will

An electronic road sign on Cambridge Street flashed ``EXPECT DELAYS'' and ``ROAD WORK AHEAD'' but also alerted drivers that ``PORN IS GREAT.''
It's the second time such a message has appeared along the delay-plagued stretch of roadwork in Beacon Hill, but state officials aren't laughing.
`Obviously the message is unacceptable and will be taken down (Sunday) tonight,'' said Jon Carlisle, spokesman for the state's Executive Office of Transportation.
He said while there are some electronic signs that can be hacked into remotely, someone broke through a locked panel to change the flashing message on this one.
``That's pretty clever,'' said Chris Hickey, 27, of Boston while walking by the sign yesterday.
But her friend, Andrew D'Agostino, said he would have aimed for something more original.
``Of course it's (porn) great, tell me something I don't know,'' he said.

These are from a magazine competition where they asked competitors to change one letter in a familiar non-English phrase and redefine it.

Harlez-vous francais? -- (Can you drive a French motorcycle?)
Ex post fucto -- (Lost in the mail)
Idios amigos -- (We`re wild and crazy guys!)
Veni, VIPi, Vici -- (I came; I`m a very important person; I conquered)
J`y suis, J`y pestes -- (I can stay for the weekend)
Cogito Eggo sum -- (I think; therefore, I am a waffle)
Rigor Morris -- (The cat is dead)
Respondez s`il vous plaid -- (Honk if you`re Scots)
Que sera, serf -- (Life is feudal)
Le roi est mort. Jive le roi -- (The King is dead. No kidding.)
Posh mortem -- (Death styles of the rich and famous)
Pro Bozo publico -- (Support your local clown)
Monage a trois -- (I am three years old)
Felix navidad -- (Our cat has a boat)
Haste cuisine -- (Fast French food)
Veni, vidi, vice -- (I came, I saw, I partied)
Quip pro quo -- (A fast retort)
Aloha oy! -- (Love; greetings; farewell; from such a pain you should never know)
Mazel ton -- (Lots of luck)
Apres Moe, le deluge -- (Larry and Curly get wet)
Porte-Kochere -- (Sacramental wine)
Iic liebe rich -- (I`m really crazy about having dough)
Fui generis -- (What`s mine is mine)
VISA la France -- (Don`t leave chateau without it)
Ca va sans dirt -- (And that`s not gossip)
Merci rien -- (Thanks for nothin`)
Amicus puriae -- (Platonic friend)
L`etat, c`est moo -- (I`m bossy around here)
L`etat, c`est Moe -- (All the world`s a stooge)

OK...So tonight tomorrow we are getting 15-20 cms...and its of snow =0( Can someone please tell the big guy upstairs that we are now in SPRING. Sigh

OK So as many know I had planned a great night last night. Was going out with a ton of friends and the guy I like was ging to be there to and I was thinking ...FINALLY!!
What happens...
Go to the first party- the guy is there but he never talked to me (nor did I to him -DUHHHH BEACH). He is so shy and so am I so we get no where. I was hoping the alcohol would help but I drank for 9 hours and was totally sober the whole time, grr. Anyways I was bored so I headed for the clubs to meet up with friends.
Lets see the bad...
I was hit on 3 times...one had a gf, one was married and the other offered me the last mouthful of his drink (EWWWWWWW). Then on top of that my ex bf shows up with his gf and decided it was OK to sit and chat with my friends. That was just sooo fun.
Good..
I laughed and had fun with my friends, and I found $50 on the floor.
So didnt get picked up, didnt get any phone #'s. However my best friends hubby did corner me and tell me that I never looked hotter...*sigh* LOL and I wasnt even showing any clevage!!
LOL Here I was thinking how much I was missing being home on my puter on saturday nights...Not anymore. I feel like I had entered some alternate universe.
Hehe If I don't find someone soon I may self destruct from frustration. So look out NN'ers..beach is still here for a little while longer

I don't do windows because ... I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.
I don't wax floors because .. I am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt then I'll feel terrible(plus they may sue me.)
I don't mind the dust bunnies because .. They are >>very good company, I have named most of them,and they agree with everything I say.
I don't disturb cobwebs because ... I want every creature to have a home of their own.
I don't Spring Clean because ... I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous.
I don't pull weeds in the garden because . I don't want to get in God's way, he is an excellent designer!
I don't put things away because ... My husband will never be able to find them again.
I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because ...I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner. I don't iron because ... I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press".
I don't stress much on anything because ... "AType" personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol' woman!!!!

AND MOST IMPORTANT I SAY THE FUCK WITH HOUSE CLEANING CUZ IT INTERFERES WITH MY NN TIME!!

Sex in a boat - oar-gasms.
Sex with a nerd - dork-gasms.
Sex at the entrance to your house - door-gasms.
Sex on carpet or linoleum - floor-gasms.
Sex at the supermarket - store-gasms.
Sex at a Steven King Movie - horror-gasms.
Sex with a prostitute - whore-gasms.
Sex with an accountant - bore-gasms.
Sex while sleeping - snore-gasms.
Sex with 'Arthur' - Dudley Moore-gasms.
Sex with cartoon donkeys - Eyeore-gasms.
Sex while broke - poor-gasms.
Sex with a lion - roar-gasms.
Sex for hours and hours on end - sore-gasms.
Sex on a golf course - fore-gasms.
Sex with a nymphomaniac - more-gasms.
Sex in a gold mine - ore-gasms.
Sex with a dermatologist - pore-gasms.
Sex with a politician - Al Gore-gasms.
Sex with Chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers - s'more-gasms.
Sex with a bullfighter - toreador-gasms.
Sex with a masked man carrying a sword - zorro-gasms.
Sex on the beach - shore-gasms.
Sex at an all-you-can-eat buffet - smorgasbord-gasms.
Sex on a cruise ship deck - shuffleboard-gasms.
Sex in asia - Singapore-gasms.
Sex among the wonders of nature - outdoor-gasms.
Sex in the vicinity of a garbage can - odor-gasms.
Sex on the way to the train - 'All Aboard'-gasms.
Sex that wasn't very satisfying - 'There's the door'-gasms.
Sex in an adult theater - hard-core-gasms.
Sex with someone who's not paying attention - ignore-gasms.
Sex with a competitive partner - score-gasms.
Sex while flying - soar-gasms.
Sex with a beloved partner - adore-gasms.
Sex with a meat-eater - carnivore-gasms.
Sex with a person who's got a really bad hairdo - pompadore-gasms.
Sex with someone who's got bad taste in clothes - velour-gasms.
Sex while travelling - tour-gasms.
Sex with a big dog - labrador-gasms.
Sex with Beavis and Butthead - 'GonnaScore'-gasms.
Sex on stairs at the mall - escalator-gasms.
Sex with three of your friends - four-gasms.
Sex with a norse God - Thor-gasms.
Sex when resistance is futile - Bor-gasms

When you feel that nobody loves you,
Nobody cares for you,
Everyone is ignoring you,
and People are jealous of you,
You should really ask yourself....
Am I TOO sexy????