WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: - - - silence - - -
HUSBAND: "Shit."

OK too all the great people who were in chat last night..THANK YOU! That was the best night I had in NN in a long time. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time! This is the NN I remember.
TWL...we need you in chat more..you are too much fun girl!

OK so we were talking in chat and decided that we need a girls of NN Calender..here is our list to date..
Jen (Dixieduo) is January
Jany is April (hehe april showers...)
SMO4 is May (mothers day!)
Beach is June (cuz June equals beach weather)
Dream Angel just wants her own day (her bday Apr 23) and
Eeyore would like to be Decemeber...

Any other volunteers??

A woman goes on vacation to the Caribbean.

Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate love making she asks him, "What is your name?"

"I can't tell you" the black man says.

Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is and he always responds the same, he can't tell her.

On her last night there she asks again, "Can you please tell me your name?"

"I can't tell you my name because you will laugh at me."says the black man.

"There is no reason for me to laugh at you," the lady says.

"Fine, my name is Snow!" the black man replies.

And the lady bursts into laughter, and the black man gets mad and says,"I knew you would make fun of it".

The lady replied, "I'm not making fun of you. I'm thinking of my husband who won't believe me when I tell him that I had 8 inches of Snow everyday in the Caribbean !"

A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words
as possible. The short story had to contain the following three things:

(1) Religion (2) Sexuality (3) Mystery.

There was only one A+ paper in the entire class. Below is the A+
short story:

Good God, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it.

JACK AND JILL Went up the hill To have a little fun. Stupid Jill Forgot the pill And now they have a son.
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, Between two hunks of bread.
LITTLE MISS MUFFET Sat on a tuffet, Her clothes all tattered and torn. It was not the spider that crept up beside her But Little Boy Blue and his horn.
SIMPLE SIMON Met a Pieman Going to the fair. Said Simple Simon to the Pieman, "What have you got there?" Said the Pieman unto Simon, "Pies, you dumbass!"
HUMPTY DUMPTY Sat on a wall Humpty dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again.
HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE, The cat did a piddle, All over the bedside clock. The little dog laughed to see such fun When the cat died of electric shock.
GEORGIE PORGY Puddin' Pie Kissed the girls and made them cry. When the boys came out to play, He kissed them too, 'cause he was gay.
THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL Who had a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead. And when she was good, She was very, very good, But when she was bad, She got a fur coat, jewels, and a sports car.

1)Democrat Catchers
2) NFRU (Not for Recreational Use)
3) Pastor Baiters
4) Mounds of Shame
5) Heavenly Canteens
6) Pearly Weights
7) Hooteronomies
Pizza Pizza
9) Sweater Undulations
10) The Daughters of Lactiticus
11) Racks of Lambs of God
12) Communion Woofers
13) First and Second Mammalonians
14) Pamela 36
15) Beelzeboobs

10)Accepted by more hookers worldwide.
9)Charge away your kid's inheritance with us.
Its everywhere you want to be...without getting caught!
7)If a business won't accept this card, we'll break their legs.
6)No Cash back bonus awards but some really cool stolen stuff.
5)Screw the minimum payment...we trust ya.
4)We have more charges than a electric chair on death row.
3)Paying legal fees has never been easier.
2)Don't leave your ex-wife's home without it!
1)Used to pay more beer tabs worldwide than any other card

Once upon a time, in a land far away,
a beautiful, independent, self assured
princess happened upon a frog as she sat,
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: "Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however, and I will
turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am
and then, my sweet, we can marry
and setup housekeeping in yonder castle
with my mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever feel grateful and happy doing
so." That night, as the princess dined sumptuously
on a repast of lightly sauteed froglegs
seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled to herself and thought:
"I don't fucking think so."

A High School teacher was giving his class a difficult assignment, he stressed the importance of this particular assignment. He said that no excuses would be accepted, unless there was an illness-with a doctor's note; or a death in the family-with a death certificate. One of his smart-ass students pipes up, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?" The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds "Well, I guess in that event, You'll have to figure out how to write your assignment with your other hand."


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In a Sex Ed. lecture at Northern Arizona University, the professor was explaining that most of the makeup of sperm was basically Glucose (sugar). Almost as soon as the professor mentioned this fact, a female voice piped up from the back of the lecture hall "Well if it's mostly sugar, how come it always tastes so salty?"


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"Sex education has its own special problems," an instructor in the field pointed out to me. "One of my students has become pregnant, and I don't know whether to flunk her or give her extra credit."