tonite I'm headed to my parents and am going to spend my 2 days off with them this week. Am I crazy?! Not going to spend my days off w/teddybear?! yes a little crazy but I have things to do while I'm there. The time with them will be good but I also will drop off paperwork for my divorce at the lawyers. The divorce....why isn't it done and over with? Well I procrastinate, no not dragging my feet..it's just once I leave my lawyers office I don't know...life just goes other directions and working on the paperwork never really was a priority. The marriage has been over for some time anyway and I just never sat down to work on it - wish it was as easy as snapping your fingers and it was done!! Lately the whole thing has been weighing heavy on me and I NEED to get it done - I want to go into the holiday season and start the new year single(somewhat!).
I miss you!!! I've toyed with changing my mind and coming to you instead but I have to do this right?!

in the middle of the night to what I woke up to is ALWAYS a good thing !!!

what was up with you last nite?!?! That was different, I liked it, you can do that whenever you want!!

the test that he took on Friday was passed, he didn't seem too happy w/how it went though. Still not sure of things right now - life is just dangling for now!!! Well, it has been for some time so it's nothing new and that's ok.
Right now I feel more at peace with how things are than I have for quite some time, it's a good feeling.
My guy and I are in a good place - work is good - I'm happy!!

wishing, hoping and praying. Not only because of the date on the calendar but because of tomorrow. Tomorrow is a very important day, a day that could be a turning point in my life, in his life - for the best? for the worst? We'll see.....

September, 11
We all remember where we were when we first heard the news. A sad day, a day that started so much.
I won't forget, nobody will, but before 2001 things happened on that day and will continue to happen on that day...one thing for example:
MY DAD'S BIRTHDAY!!!!
Happy Birthday Dad - I love you!!!

Something about my Dad - he has never really talked about his time in Germany w/the army but lately he has been telling stories and it started after meeting mn teddybear the first time. I think w/teddybear so open about his experiences in the military it has made my Dad feel comfortable enough to talk about his military time. Thank you John.

hey teddybear!!! I had fun at the concert(wish I hadn't been sick) and liked this song!!
This video isn't from the concert we went to but he sang this song and the cap he wears during the song...hmmmm when he throws it into the audience...I wonder who caught it?!?!
[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bt3G1mQZGK8[/url]

The Mom Song

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wkc9-SvqfDM[/url]

videos that I post links to are of my favorite band Go Fish.
I will put in this note that they are a CCM(contemporary christian music)band so now that you know it's your choice to click on the link to watch and listen.


[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K65CRWTaE8s[/url]
[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Kp8yXDpNaQ&feature=related[/url]

I find myself thinking about the women(specifically 1 or 2) from his past, especially when I'm feeling insecure and not so confident. Should I worry about them, do they want him back, does he want them back?? What happens to me if they come back into his life(more than they already are)? Am I enough to him to keep him in my life? But then can we really keep anyone?
Yup, this is me thinking too much!! Just talking out my fears is what I'm doing, will I ever find the answers? Don't know!!
Enjoy the time we are together & what we do and have fun with this relationship as long as it lasts........now to live those words!!!
I do remember the words you told me John.....I'm the one you choose to spend time with, I'm the one you talk to, I know more than others know about you, I've been someplace others haven't been, you've been with me when you should have been w/your children(I'm not crazy about that one but thank you). These are comforting words to me so maybe it's my answer?! I don't know....