Happiness is finally being back at work after having almost 4 whole day off!! I love my job.
My thoughts from this past weekend seem so dramatic and I wonder had I been working would my mind have thought that way - does that mean I hide from my personal life at work? Maybe, working just seems to make things easier. Oh I know there is still life to deal with but going to work kind of allows me to "take a break" and regroup my thoughts.
So today is a mid-shift then I have off tomorrow and Friday starts a week and a half in northern Mn working at a opening of a new store in our chain - I like working new openings, you get to chatch up with other managers that you only get to see once in a while and it can be crazy busy and that is fun!!!
As for "my guy" - he's back at work too, had some time off for Christmas & New Years so it will be awhile until we see each other again. I still feel guilty about looking at the personals so I don't think I will for awhile, I'm just going to let things stay as they are and let life run it's course. If he is meant for me it'll happen and if it's to be someone else he'll find his way to me.....
Have a great day all
BB

Why do emotions have to be a rainbow? Couldn't they just be black & white?
Does my blog from yesterday really sound like I regret us being together(he said I made it sound that way)? Because I don't regret it, it wasn't a mistake and I will never see it that way. People do have a way of reading between the lines, yes I'm guilty of doing it - what I say is how I feel nothing in between - see....black & white!!
He says I think too much, I need to relax, says that I should slow down and have fun. I really wish I could because I know that if anything pushes him away it will be that I think too much, don't relax, move too fast and don't have fun. I'm really going to try because I don't want to experience the hurt of loosing him - that really scares me.
I know there are alot of loose ends in both our lives that need to be tied up and dealt with so maybe 2008 will be the year for ending the old and beginning new.
I was in quite the funk yesterday! Yes JL partly because you weren't here with me but I also just let my mood take over my day and consume me - I'm not going down the "dark road" I will fight it and win!!
JL - Call me, IM me, talk to me it helps just hearing from you knowing that even though you aren't here w/me you are still in my life and haven't bugged out!

Thank you to those that have responded to my blog and offered thoughts and advice. This person that you have met yesterday and today - not the real me. I am a happy, smiling person that just let emotions get the best of her. One of the pitfalls of diabetes - emotions get messed up and also depression is easy to fall into.

Thanks again
BB

What is real life? Why does it make us cry? Do we cry because of it? Is real life that sad? Why does it hurt that much?

My real life....I knew the minute I read his profile he was my soulmate(yes strong word but in my heart I believe it) - I didn't even have to look at his pics, I just knew.

He said right from the start "just friends" because he's isn't ready for a relationship and I accepted that because I would take whatever I could get just to have him in my life. Then one day something changed and "friends with benefits" was mentioned and Christmas Day was the best Christmas Day ever in my life! This past Sat. morning we talked and we were together again - this time we spent a day and a half together, it was heaven!

He has said to date others so I try to look at the personal ads and I just get sad, depressed, mad at him, mad at me and feel guilty for looking. I know he will date others, I asked him and I'm ok w/it(kinda)I just hope he tells me instead of hiding it.

I was asked one day if I was going to wait for him and I said yes I will because I feel that strongly for him. What's scarey about that is maybe he'll never be ready for another relationship and he and I never have more. Or even scarier he meets someone else....

So real life...are soul mates real life? Does it always involve both parties or does it play with one at a time?

My New Year's resolution will be to start this blog and keep it up to date the best I can.
I guess I really need a place to express my thoughts and emotions.
When a friend told me about this site I came here and explored a couple of days first, I wasn't sure if this is the place for me at first but now I have decided that it is. I'm a little nervous, worried, & hesitant about writting here and him reading this but maybe it will help my friend to understand me more & better, and to see how special he is to me. Hopefully it won't scare him away.
Ok it's my first entry and I'm crying - will I cry when I write other entries? Probably!! That's just me - I'm emotional!
I'll start from the beginning tomorrow - tonite was just to "get my feet wet"
BB