Up til a few days ago my time with teddybear has been me going up north while he is working and us doing a hotel for a few days to spend time together. This past Monday and Tues was his leave, he came to my place Sunday after work and left this am headed back up north.
Sunday when he arrived we packed up my car and headed to a casino in my hometown and checked into the hotel for the night - yea I know another hotel but this was a special trip, he met my parents!!! Brave little soldier!! My parents liked him, my Mom said he is very nice, quiet and "down to earth"!! Now isn't that the teddybear we all know and love?!?!
Monday we came back to my apartment and just relaxed the rest of the eve.
Tues. he had another job interview so we drove in to the cities for that - I hope he gets an offer on one of these jobs he has applied for because his life is so "up in the air" right now and I can see he is getting very tired physically and emotionally. After his interview we ran some errands while still in the city then headed back to my place.
Later in the eve we went out for supper - I'm getting sad and quiet because our time together is coming to an end. I wish I could emotionally stay even but when it gets time for us to part it's so hard. I try to stay upbeat because A)he doesn't like it when I'm quiet like this and B)I know we'll be together again soon but it's the apart time....I miss him so.
This morning it was an early rise to get him off to work - ok not that early but I went back to bed and cried myself to sleep for a couple more hours.
Teddybear I know you read my blogs - thank you for our time together it was very special to me.
I can't stop thinking about scaring you - I'm sooo sorry.
AND next time I'm looking at the wild turkeys I'll watch where I'm driving instead ok?!?!
Must get ready for work - the apartment sure is quiet and lonely right now....

How many people can say that?! I'm a fast food resaurant manager and I do love my job - everything from the business end of it to the kids I work with to yes even "most" of the customers!
Last night was no exception - ran my shift a little short of help but we survived supper, the kids stepped up and worked hard and got the job done.
I was ready for a break so went to the office with a sandwich and to call J to see how his day was - he was playing a computer game so I ate while I listened to him play and swear at the game!!
I knew the kids weren't going to get much done while I was in the office but that was ok. All of a sudden the girl screams - what now?! Seems her picking on the boys all night has now turned into a food fight!! Not an all out throw food type but a when one turns around what will the other person do next type. The boy threw a french fry at her and so she turned around and threw a packet of sauce at him and it exploded when it hit the floor - they do that anyway but it had speed behind it and is now spread all over!! He then got some other sauce(no packet, we've now begun using the actual food)and it got on her shirt, neck, cheek and a little in her hair. She got back at him - grabbed a slice of tomato put another sauce on the tomatoe slice and slapped it on his neck getting it in his hair, down his shirt, and in his ear! As he is bent over in the sink spraying his hair I'm thinking should I put a stop to this or not?! Nope let them fight it out!! Besides J is done with his computer game and is now telling me what is happening on Deal or NO Deal!!
Ok so now the boy has his hair clean and I'm thinking they are done, WRONG!! The biggest scream yet - now they're done and what did he do?! Chocolate frosting(and a lot of it) on the top of her head - she was shocked at that one! I didn't know if she was going to cry or kill him!! Ok, now I'm not a Mom but working with kids for so long I think I've mastered the "look" and the boy got it and understod he probably went too far! I didn't have to say anything he just helped her get the chocloate out of her hair the best they could. Good thing those two are friends!!
One more shift then 2 days off and am headed north to visit an aunt, uncle and grandma who conviently live only about a half hour away from where J is - 2 birds with 1 stone babe!!!
Have a great day,
BB

with an attitude!!

The purpose of a foal!

other than my "love life"!!!!
Has anyone else out there had their gall bladder removed...AND WANT IT BACK?!?! I do!!
Not because of what I can't eat but because of the constant pain and discomfort.
It was removed Sept 2006. After the surgery the Dr. said that from the looks of the gall bladder it was bad for close to 10 yrs. Never had any attacks until one in July 06 then one in Sept. that one got me admitted to the hospital and into surgery.
In December at a Dr. visit they x-rayed my side and came to the conclusion that it is most likely scar tissue causing the discomfort. So I ask her what do I do about it? "I don't know" she says. Ok, now I know she's my diabetes Dr. but ummm I don't have much confidence in a Dr. that says "I don't know", thanks for being honest I guess! She did finally offer physical therapy or deep tissue massage as a couple of options - we'll see.
All I know is that after today please God don't let me sneeze again for the rest of my life!!!
booboo

Someone asked me yesterday now that the divorce is getting closer to being final "What do you want in your life?" There were alot of things that came to mind right away and other things came to me throughout the day.
What I want:
someone to love
someone to love me
someone to make love to
someone to make love to me
someone to talk to
someone to talk to me
someone to share my life with
someone to share their life with me
my career to keep progressing upward to where I want to be

Isn't this what everyone wants? Why is it so hard to find and/or have?

My life right now consists of work and coming home to my lonely, empty apartment.

Do I want to spend everywaking minute with you? yes!
Is it possible? No, I know that!

When someone says how sad their life is and it isn't good lately and you thought you were at least a tiny part of their life it makes you wonder.....

Slow down, relax, stop thinking so much.....those are hard for me(I AM trying)! I see what I like and want and go for it!

" If I had one thing in the world to keep with me, I'd choose to hold your hand through all eternity. The warmth within as I hold you close, holding hands, fingers folding over closed. To feel my heart beat with yours. Love every tear you ever cried, I’ve captured in my heart. Our fingers interlaced, you calm my racing heart when it beats out of time. The tenderness shared between us. To show you so, its then I realize, no harm would ever come, as long as we hold hands forever. We walk hand in hand down life’s winding road. I don't think you could ever feel all the love I have to give. To have you in my life completely, would fulfill me!"

"There are moments in life when you miss someone so much, that you just want to pick them up from your dreams and hug them for real"

Had the last few days off and spent them with "my guy". I go up to the town he works in and get a hotel room, he works during the day/I go shopping and we have the evenings together.
Wednesday nite I got there and he was checked in already - it was nice seeing him there before me.
Thursday he went to work(half day) and I did his laundry(I offered!)and watched a movie and was into the 2nd movie when I napped and he came back. Was watching Rose Red(one of my favs)but he didn't like it so turned it off and went to supper.
Friday - what a pleasant surprise for me! I didn't know he had Friday off but he did and spent it w/me!! So for those that have sent me pms and said he is taking advantage of me pooh - this was the sweetest thing he could have done. It meant so much to me - he spent a day off of work w/me!! Supper was at nice restaurant, not what I expected at all from the outside of the place. He got rewarded w/a nice back massage and more later!!!
This morning - not as good a day. He got bad family news and even though we were leaving each other to go to our own towns/homes anyway, this just rushed things. He needed to get home and talk to his children, and I completely understand because I have said from the beginning of our "relationship" that his kids come first and if they don't I'll kick his butt!
This will be a rough week for him(one Dr. appt. for his eyes, another for a root canal(he's been in so much pain lately it breaks my heart) and now the funeral)and I wish we were at a point that I could be there for him but that just isn't so, so words are all I have to offer him. It seems like so little to offer but I hope he knows it would be more if it were possible.
I've spent time looking at my work schedule and calendar and it looks like maybe 2 weeks and I could possibly get up there to see him again!! I hope his schedule allows it to happen. We've been apart for 4 hrs and I miss him.....
Now to get my head back in the game and focus on work - if I don't get the project done I need to get done I won't be going up to see him.
BooBoo

Yesterday was a good day - stayed busy at work, got time to talk to a friend there about this past weekend. She even thinks he's a "keeper"!! Now if the temperature would just warm up - even a little bit!
I talked w/my guy for quite a while last nite - he asked me what I've been doing here on NN and it's only fair to tell him because I know what he does while he's here. We both only do mostly blog reading, chat w/a few members privately, and sit in the chat rooms. Except for me on Tues. I got an invite to cam and I did - and I told him I did. I don't know what bothered him more - that I did it, that he asked and I told him that I did it or that it bothered him that I did it(admit it JL it bothered you!).
After he asked the question and he got my answer I could hear a change in his voice - upset, dissapointment, I'm not sure what. But up to this point between us we are "friends w/benefits", and you all know my feelings on that!, he's not ready for a relationship(I understand) - but correct me if I'm wrong here wouldn't this be a relationship of sorts?!
Then he kept saying he didn't have the right to ask the question, it doesn't matter to him what I do. He was saying it so many times it's more like he's trying to convince himself he doesn't have the right to ask, it doesn't matter when it really does..... Well I feel he does have the right to ask - I told him so. He also brought up that I was just doing all of this writting about him in my blog then I turn around and cam - I was a little sad and needed cheering up, someone offered and I accepted- I'm sorry JL, a moment of weakness and trying to cheer myself up, it won't happen again. I would never do something to hurt him or dissapoint him like I did Tues.
So from just the way he talked, sounded and acted last night I'm wondering if there is a little bit of that green eyed monster called jealousy lurking there?! Now that I replay our conversation over in my mind that's what I'm thinking - I know don't read between the lines but it just fits. I'm a very jealous person, I know the signs!!!
Baby steps in the right direction?? I hope so. He is sooo special to me - can you tell?!!
Well...errands to run and packing to do.
Thanks again for all the ears!!
BB