Tuesdays visit to my Aunt/Uncles house was nice and relaxing. Got there around 10am and right away had to check out the deck that was just finished last week - it's off the lake side of the house and will be so nice to sit out there in the morning(or anytime but morning will be best) reading a book having breakfast and just relaxing. After some visiting we went down to the lake and went out for a pontoon ride.
Boy just riding around the lake watching the fish(baby Blue Gills mostly) when we got to shallow parts and house looking and waving to neighbors- if this is retirement I can't wait!!!
The water was so calm, just like glass - the trees were mirrored in the lake.
Came across a momma loon with 2 babies(the one visit I forget to grab teddybear's camera grrr!!) - they are almost as big as she is they just have their baby feathers yet. Found the male a bit farther down and he was diving - man they can stay under for a long time!!
The ride ended way too soon!!! Went back to the house and had lunch then I headed back into town and to the hotel to wait for teddybear to get off of work.

sounds of the morning - I love them. No not the birds chirping and those typical morning sounds....him getting ready for work. Shaving, showering, brushing his teeth, swearing while he is putting his uniform on "its to @*&# early"!! Well yea that's why I'm still laying in bed duh!!! But I am awake and am listening to the sounds of you getting ready.
Every little thing he does has a sound and if I don't hear it I wonder if he forgot...did you take your pills?
So....he's at work and me? I'm headed to my Aunts house to visit w/her and my Grandma for a few hours today. Then it's supper and an early night because somebody isn't the only one with any early morning tomorrow!! Back to work for me and it's the early shift......

Sitting by the campfire alone....that's not right, it should be with the one you care for. He's sitting in the chair, you're sitting on the ground leaning against his legs, enjoying the feeling of him playing with your hair. Both just staring into the flames, not talking - not thinking just watching the flames dance.
Then reality strikes!! He's not with you...so you take your mind off him by watching your cousins 1 yr old daughter so he and his wife can sit by the fire together, take care of the dogs that are getting too close to the fire, run into the house to get more smore fixins - don't forget more pop!! Need more firewood - help brother go do that.

my fantasies and daydreams bite me in the ass. When will I learn that the real world is where I and my head should be?!?!

emails, phone calls and cards but nobody here in person to celebrate w/me. Feeling sorry for myself?!?! OH YEA!!!
The Country Kitchen offers a free meal today maybe I'll do that!!
Oh well, I'm outta here and going for a walk......

probably not!!

the mri didn't get done, rescheduled for Tues. - just means more days of worrying....

for a very close friend who is having a MRI done today and am worried about the results - it could range from let it run its course and heal on its own or you need surgery....so I go to work, wait and worry til I hear how it went.

Yesterday was a good day at work and went down hill from there...thought I was making a good spontaneous have fun decision...WRONG!! When will I listen and hear what someone has to say instead of following my head and heart?!
I learned I am a selfish person - didn't think I was but I guess I am...wanted to give myself an early birthday present but that didn't work out. I also make people feel guilty and I in turn feel guily and making them feel guilty!! Head is spinning and it won't stop!!
My birthdays suck....last year the big 40, I decided I deserved better than what I had and decided to get a divorce. This year at 41 I found better than I deserve and I'm blowing that. He says I'm not loosing him. I keep pushing and moving too fast - I don't know how to slow down....I see something I want and I go for it.
What do I want in life? Well it's not what I want, that is materialistic and superficial. It's who do I want and that's you John. The emotional and physical relationship needs to be there...the who I want and in time the what I want maybe will come...to be involved more in your life, kids lives, etc....
For now I need to learn this slow down, relax and have fun concept and you need to do and take care of the stuff in your life that we have talked about the last few days, I'm here to help you know that.
This isn't us taking a break from each other, it's not go see other people(you've said you won't and you know I won't) it's just me feeling sorry for myself about yesterday/last nite - and yes I talked to my Mom this morning!!
Here's to a sucky upcoming birthday!! Another bottle of wine perhaps?!?! Ummm I don't think so...I learned my lesson the other nite!!!

“Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.”
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“Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.”
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“Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.”
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“If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children".”
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“Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.”