i've fallin in love. with this dress. the trim/accents will be in fuchsia, not red tho.





[url]http://www.lightinthebox.com/2010-Style-A-line-Strapless--Sleeveless-Organza----Satin--Chapel-Train-Wedding-Dress--fw09-wd111006-_p85097.html[/url]

ya know...i'm not sure i've ever shared this with ya'll.

but i grew up kinda hard. at least the first 10 years of my life. i got to watch my mom get abused..mentally, physically, and psychologically. granted, i was young. but i swore on my OWN soul that i would never, ever, let anyone do that to me.

ya'll know me. i pride myself of being somewhat of a bad ass. i've never let anyone walk on me, nor will i. and you can DAMN sure bet that any man to lay a finger on me...would wind up a castrated, beaten, bruised, and bloody mess.

so now this. *nods* i know. it's absurd. it's insane. it's....stupidity at it's best. but..SOMEHOW... the rumor's been started. that my dum, the man who i'm going to marry, the man i've been building a life with... is... a woman beater?!?

i know! craziness on top of crazy right? typical NN. you remember that game? where you whispered a sentence into the person next to you's ear, and they whispered it into the next persons ear, ect. ect. ect. down the line? and what came out of the last person's mouth was COMPLETELY different? i'm *hoping* that's what's happened here.

so. let me be blunt. i'm not abused. dummy would have as much chance abusing me as the grass turning blue. not that he's not capable of it, any human is capable of violence. but he dosn't have that gene in him, and...truthfully...he knows better. not for nothing...but, i don't care how much love i feel. i would have dum's nuts, shaved, skinned, and hermetically sealed in a ziplok baggie in my purse if he ever laid a hand on me. it's the way i'm wired.

now..as to the rumor that ma last pic posted.

really?!? really really?!? if i got a black eye...1. would i be POSTING it on an international website?!? where i'm fairly well known?!? and 2. what kinda pussy would only leave a red mark? where's the bruise? where's ANY other evidence of abuse?!?

so. the doubters/haters/asshats of this site are gonna make me come out of the closet. ya'll never wondered why the past 15-20 days i've not been interested in taking pics?!? even WITH the bad ass machine i helped build???

fine. i'll tell ya. it's embarrassing as fuck, and the main reason i've been wearing ma hair down when i'm out of the house. what started as a zit-like thing a month and a half ago...has grown. i was going to see a doc. but...pfft..it's going away now. anyway...here's the progression i can officially track in pics:

45 days ago:


32 days ago:


26 days ago:


i stopped taking pics on THAT side of ma face around then.. but i took this tonight..


so now ya know. dum didn't mar my face...some form of missouri lightning bug bite did.

i'm uncertain of what upsets me more...the fact that so called "friends" are so quick to judge... or that the man i love is so quickly and easily classed as a "woman beater".

BTW...if you have any doubts after this...speak to ME before opening your mouth. thanks.

**edit** for the ones who stood by us (and him) on the sheer knowledge of us... ty. i ma 6

been on edge all damn day. i guess ma dad-doo went into the hospital..again.

one of his stints is blocked, and they don't have a strong enough balloon to blow it up. he's doing better now, up and awake and joking. digs sent me a vid she took of him, sittin up n looking...well...like he'd had a rougher night than me, and tellin me he loves me. :*)

i just wish i wasn't so far away sometimes.

so we went yesterday to get my Athena worked on. i went to a diff artist than the one who started it, as...well...she sucked. i just didn't realize how BAD she sucked.

bo, my new artist, started out by looking at the pics, then looking at what other artist did. then he got to work. he was amazingly light handed, and made sure to ask every 10 minutes or so "this isn't too hard, is it?"

he made me giggle a few times. his sheer disgust at the previous artist was fun to watch grow. it went from him saying "ya know, i've seen alot of good work come from that artist" to him inking me and mumbling "what the fuck did she do here?" to "that fucking bitch." he got most everything finished, except her hands (as they're SUPER fucked up), the owl, and the shield. he left the lower portion of her dress as the previous artist had it, i guess so everyone could see what a piece of shit she is. all in all, 3 hours worth of work done. he only charges me $100 a sitting, which is about $200 less than dumb bitch would have charged me.

two weeks and i can't wait to go back and get this FINISHED.

i should have blogged this a few days ago, but i had to wait until i could relay the story without getting my blood boiling again.

here goes nothing =D

i'd blogged an amalgamation a while back, one of which being wanting to slap snot nosed brats who want $370 cakes. well..that cake was due out this saturday. ma girl K worked ALL day thursday on it, and a few hours friday. i helped with the fondant decorations. 3 tier, topsy turvy alice n wonderland cake.

while said brat and mother were ordering this cake, i was taking the order. at the time i thought she was 12, acting both in looks and manner. seems she's actually turning 16. mom started telling me what elements brat liked, when brat tossed a look over her shoulder @ mom n said "mom. SHUT UP." mom...did. O.O and brat continues with what she wants. i bite my tongue and take the order.

flash forward to friday night. OMG this cake is amazing looking! K worked for 2 hours making a fondant/gum paste cheshire cat as a topper...the cake was srsly 1000% better than any picture they brought in. saturday morning, the cake is picked up @ 9am. it was brought back @ 11am. seems brat hates it. the icing has cracked in a few places, and some of the decorations have slid down. K is called in on her day off to come fix it. mom and dad stand in the front area, glaring at anyone behind the counter.

2pm, i roll in. K's STILL working on the cake, seems every time she fixes a "problem" they find something else wrong with it. finally, i call it done. there will be no more work done to this monster. i take the cake out to them and explain that THIS is it, take it or we're throwing it in the trash. dad drives home to get brat. I go back to the back and we all wait it out. the cake's still sitting on a table out front, and i swear to the GODS, EVERYone who sees it, says how amazing it is. mom just starts pointing out imaginary flaws. **sighs**

20 minutes later, here comes brat and dad. i go out with one of the counter girls (who's been dealing with them ALL day). the entire bakery comes out and finds things to do behind the counter. i explain, AGAIN, that we've done all we can or will do to the cake, and they can either take it or leave it. brat has not said word one in this time, just stands there with her finger on her chin, looking at the cake like someone would look at a pile of dog shit on the table.

"i hate it. it's horrible." she turns to her dad "YOU'RE RUINING MY BIRTHDAY!" her mom starts to say something, but is silenced with brat's finger in her face, in the universal "shhhh" sign.

that's it. really. i can bite my tongue no longer.

i turn toward the parents and say, "i'm doing this for your benefit" stick MY finger in brats face and say "YOU'RE an ungrateful brat"

a lot happens in the seconds after the words leave my mouth. dad takes a step forward towards me, i can hear the collective intake of breath from the crew behind me, and brat starts bawling immediately.

"well, i NEVER.." starts the dad

"maybe you SHOULD HAVE" i finish for him. "take the damn cake or see yourselves out."

mom and brat are headed to the door, as dad is still standing toe to toe with me. "i will NEVER come to this bakery again" says he. "good, we can do without customers like you. there's the door."

i start heading for the back, and toss over my shoulder "happy birthday" to the brat. her father is getting his refund and is mumbling about writing an artical for every St. Louis newspaper about this. "go ahead, and we'll take out a full page ad with the picture of the cake in it" was my final words to him.

back in the back, K, blondie, myself and 3 other people just stare at eachother...for about 3 seconds. then we all burst out in hysterical laughter. i call boss lady, and in one breath tell her everything that's happened, ending with "you can fire me if you want."

her response? "you make me proud, little one. i'd have told them to fuck off 3 hours ago"


...i love my job...



oh yea....and as a final "fuck you" to them, seeing as how they drive past the store daily. the cake is now displayed in our most prominent position. seen from inside the shop, AND the road. =D

thus far...

lets see...one of our decorators (the head one, ya know...the boss) has been MIA since tuesday. so...we been scrambling around crazy.

last night, i didn't get home till 1:30am.

today? oh lets see....i went off on some customers about a cake (that'll be a later blog, i'll need a beer and a loooooong time), made a girl cry on her 16th birthday, fixed the airbrush, and didn't get started on orders until 7pm. it's now 9pm, and i said fuck it, i'm having lunch.

ya'll are my sanity. which is scary.

oh! and remember that kick ass idea, where we dyed the cake to tell the parents-to-be the sex of their child? yea...whoever took the envelope monday, opened it. in FRONT of momma-to-be. and said, "oh! a girl! how exciting!!!" momma-to-be spent the entire fucking day crying. and i'd like to strangle the stupid fuck who ruined such a wonderful suprise.

i'm going to eat my dinner. hopefully see ya'll tonight.

we FINALLY made it to dum's old tattoo parlor. we walk up, i talk to the artist that's sitting outside, show him ma tatt and immediately he says "yep, that's go bo all over it" and leads me inside. bo's in the middle of inking a guy's arm, but other tatt guy says, "hey bo, check this out, i got something cool for you" he asks me who started it, i tell him, he asks me why i'm not going back, and i tell him. he asks me how much she was charging, i tell him, and i swear he almost gagged. yea....he don't charge that much. as a matter of fact, he's charging me $100 a sitting, $200 if he can finish it one sitting. since he's supposedly light handed, i figure if i can stand 3 hours of that crazy broad drilling on me, i can stand 6 hours of regular pain =D so yayyyyyy!! wednesday i'll be getting some more work done!

even tho i've not been asked, dum and i have been planning "ish" aspects that will go into the wedding (WHENEVER it is...)

the wedding party will walk down the isle to this: [url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJ5yRfUdEIU[/url]

i still haven't decided what's unusual enough for my long walk...

we'll be introduced at the reception to this: [url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wa2nLEhUcZ0[/url]

we have decided what will be our "first dance" as mr. and mrs dummy. [url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrZkaj37kA0[/url]

i know it's a good way off, but it's fun for both of us to discuss and argue and plan...i figured we can't have ALL the fun =P

was such a FUN night. dum's high school buddy was a no-show, so it was just us for dinner. good food, good conversation, *sighs* it was fantastic.

a quick trip to walmart for batteries for the remote control bullet, then off to the bar. we didn't go to our regular bar, but to what used to be our favorite place. a lil dive bar sitting on top of a 5 star restaurant. dum made me wait in the bathroom for lik 10 minutes while he told the bar his plans for popping the big question. shots and vodka drinks and beers later...we head out to the ONLY place to finish off a night out, waffle house.

mmmmmm...they've FINALLY taken my suggestions and started adding their sausage gravy to their trash plates. *sighs happily*

then...home... and some amazing, mind blowing, out of this world sessy time. i actually had the most intense orgasm i've ever had last night.. whew... then we both promptly passed out...where i slept for over 12 hours. =D

all in all...a fantastic night!

i got a serious case of the warm fuzzies. check out what got ordered today..

was talkin to the lady, she's obviously preggo, and planning her baby shower. she asked if we can dye the cake in colors. of course we can! ok, here's the deal...they're going to the dr. tomorrow to find out the sex of their baby. but. they're going to have the dr. put it in a sealed envelope, which will be delivered to me. WE will open the envelope after they leave, and dye the cake pink or blue accordingly. they won't find out what they're having until they cut the cake on saturday!! OMG how feckin cool is that?!?

/me exits wif the warm fuzzies....