ffs! i didn't have to worry 'bout ma night terrors last night, as i didn't get to SLEEP that much. i exist/survive on usually 'bout 5 hours of sleep a night.... since i didn't have to be up till 6:30am this morn (in THEORY) i laid ma head down 'round 1-1:30am. since i sometimes decide to ignore ma alarm clock, i always set ma phone alarm.... 5:00am ma phone goes off, and i wake up at first thinkin it's the alarm. no. it's a call....i answer. it's one of ma 3 ppl today. she's sick and needs to go home....

so i get dressed n go in...ffs....2 n a half hours early. she leaves the minute i get there, and i'm by maself, with only half the bread baked for the day and NONE of the 8 cake orders done.

....asses n elbows ensue.....

i gots all the bread baked, pies, pastries, cookies AND everything for the service cases made, as well as 3 of the 8 cake orders done by the time the next person comes in....

i get lots of props from ma boss, as the bakery is fully stocked and ready for this weekened....but OMG....was almsot 6pm before i got out of there.

get home....and i have the WORST habit of leavin ma keys IN the door when i get home. kinda defeats the purpose of lockin ma door at night, eh? i'm just not used to it. thanks to the yo boys next door, have taken to lockin ma doors, windows n truck. ffs..... i liked the country life for the security.....

...wave bye-bye to ma security......

so. yea. had a horrible nightmare last night. won't go into detail about the whole thing, suffice it to say it ended with these visions....several women sitting/standing around with various cuts, bruises, bloody etc. a tall man dragging me towards a group of nakkid people (NOT the good kind) and i KNEW the intent was and beating, i somehow knew that's what these sad and broken women around me had been throu, and i was terrified. .ma would be attacker was distracted, as was i, by the front door of the house everyone was standing in front of opening and a woman wearin what once was a white dress running from within. she was covered in blood, but the most horrid part was her eyeless sockets with blood running out where tears should have been. she tried to scream and only spit blood, as her tongue had been removed as well. in her haste to get away from this place, she tripped and tumbled down a very steep, very long slope in front of the house. using this as a distraction, i yanked away from the man holding me, only to fling maself into the same tumble the eyeless woman took. at the bottom of the hill, i look toward the house and the man, only to see him sliding headfirst down the hill..i woke when he hit the bottom, skullfirst onto the curb, his sightless eyes looking directly at me.


....yea...i don't want to go to sleep tonight....

guys...seriously... yer warned. iz about girlie stuff....

had a weird flashback to what was an OMG embarrassing memory for me. one of ma associates had to take a second "emergency" lunch as she had to go home and grab some new pants. bakers wear "baker whites", ie. white pants, white shirt. well....SUCKS when ya start and ya wearin white pants. anyway, that's what brought up this memory...

i was all of 15. ma bestest friend at the time had met some random 20-something year old guys. so she made plans wif them to go out n party. we played the age old parent switch...i was spending the night at her house, she was spending the night at mine, when in reality...we were gonna spend the night wif these guys.

looking back. yea. they were fucktards. what 21-22-23 year old guy wants to hang out wif 15 year olds? dicks. lol... anyway. they got theirs.

i was raggin, but being the youngster i was, hadn't started using plugs. we got all dolled up, and met them on the beach. they brought the liquor, and the music, and we all partied. drinking oodles and just hanging around. one of them got the idea that we should all go swimming. being innocent in ALL ways, save for some bad kissing and groping...i wasn't 'bout to get nakked. neither did ma friend. i stayed pretty much dressed, had shorts on, and took off ma tank top leaving ma bra (like i needed one) on. same for ole BFF. i didn't know that swimming with a pad on was a BAD idea. LMFAOOOOOOOO....

after swimming around the boys, dodgin theme very time they got close. we decided we wanted to leave. the asshats, sensing they weren't getting some xxxxxxxx pussy, started being rather rude..making fun of us, saying they shouldn't have expected us to be mature...just ya basic fuckwads....

anyway...boy A had been so very proud of his new 95 mustang...cherry red with creme colored interior. me n BFF got into the backseat, and dumbasses drove us to our friends house.

little did i know, once a pad has been saturated, by blood or by sea water... it leaks...ALOT.... i didn't realize it, as ma shorts were soaked, but i bled all over the backseat. realizing this, i tried rubbing it away wif a sock. that only smeared it all over AND ground it in....

lucky it was dark when we exited the vehicle...they didn't notice at THAT time..and by the time they DID notice, nothing was said. needless to say.....they did get theirs!! LMFAOOOOOOO!!

ok, so ma mom decided almost a year ago that she wanted to join the catholic church. she was raised pentecostal holiness, then switched to southern baptist when her family did. for the longest time, she didn't believe in organized religion. still a christian, just didn't believe in the church. and now she wants to be catholic. which...to me...is fine. i want ma mom to be happy, and this makes her happy...so i'm all for it...

apparently... if you weren't BORN roman catholic, you have to go throu some sort of tribunal. where you have to explain any stuff you've done that the church wouldn't agree wif... ma experience is wif the divorce of ma step-dad.

ma mom has to have people in her life at the time fill out these "affidavits". me, wanting to be supportive of ma mom, a few MONTHS ago...said i'd fill one out. no problem. well. i guess some of her other ppl fell throu, so she came to me. i gotta have it done AND hand deliver it to the church by friday. LMFAOOOOO.... it's so weird i can't help but laugh.

first off. i have to tell them ma religion. while that's not a problem for me...i think it could damage ma mom's chances. i mean...a pagan for a daughter??? secondly... OMG, on the first page they have this statement "Knowing that an oath is sacred and that perjury is a grave offense, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?" O.O HOLY SHIT!!! LITERALLY!!! and thirdly! the questions i have to answer are NOT to be believed.... a random sampling.

"Did you hear from the Petitioner or from others that there was some quality about the Respondent that was present at the time of the marriage but unknown to the Petitioner so that ordinary people concluded that he/she was deceived?"
I WAS 5!!! I DON'T KNOW!! lolllllll

oh! and this one!
"Did either party live in a culture that taught principles and acted contrary to the nature of Christian marriage (e.g., polygamy,commune living, "free love" societies"?


OMFG. what was i thinkin when i agreed to this?? oh. right. was thinkin i wanted ma mom to be happy. if anythin, i really hope i don't fuck this up for her.

why do i let ONE bad thing that happens to me during the day ruin what was actually a good day?


had something for lunch i've not had in forever...i call it "heartattack in a bowl" chicken bites (smaller than a chick nugget), mashed potatoes, mac n cheese, seasoned corn and green bell peppers, all mixed up in a bowl, then smothered in gravy and shredded cheese. mmmmmmmmmm

YES. we are out of the egg custard pie that's on sale. YES. i know your poor lil old ass snowbird heart is gonna BREAK if you don't have one TODAY!!! BUT...we're still out. and since i don't have the ability to magically pull one out of ma ass...don't cuss at me please?

i had a ladybug land on me today. which is supposed to be lucky. we'll see, huh? it's also the first sign of spring for me. yay for shorts and flip-flops and tank tops.

i've managed to hurt ma back. i think. well, i know it's hurt. just don't know how or why. it's progressive, i'm fine in the morning and slowly throu the day it starts as a sharp pain whenever i bend over in the small of ma back, progressing to a dull ache anytime, and usually by the end of ma working day, it's on the "all-pain all-the-time" program. some excedrine and a few beers and it's either better, or i just don't care. whatever works, eh?

got a lil giddy today. every year we get a "store directory" which has every store in the company (1000 now!) the phone #'s for the store, it's addy...and the names of the managers of each dept. annnnnnnnnnd.........yea. seein ma name listed there...*still grins thinkin 'bout it* as much as i bitch about the place...i am gonna miss it. i busted my ass for a long time to get where i am, and other than getting ma h.s. diploma, becoming a manager is the first and only thing i've set out to do........and accomplished. well, that and shaggin dum

i officially dislike the yo-boys that have moved in next door. revvin up their rice burner hondas at 10pm is not ma idea of "neighborly" behavior.

ffs...ma first day back....and the real world barges in unnecessarily and quite RUDELY. one (well...the ONLY one) of ma clerks is out wif a dog bite. so i come in at 5, make the doughnuts, bake off all the bread n rolls...

and there's 4 orders due out at 8am. my next person dosn't come in till 8, so while the donut glaze dries, i bust off those orders. finish doughnuts, and the orders. start packing the bread. nevermind the stack of paperwork on ma desk 4 inches high that's been collecting since last friday. gaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh

ma 8am person comes in,i have to throw (unload off pallets and reload into ma freezers) 'bout 200 pieces. do that and i go back to finish the later cake orders. then realize everything in the "decadent" dessert case is out of date...so have to fill the whole fuckin thing. do ma dishes, clean the deco side.. and it's 12:30. no time for lunch, i take a simi-quick smoke break and call ma dums. come back and start prepping to mix all the days dough as well as tomorrows. FFS... i don't have the flour. it's still in the back of the store. throw THAT. (15 or so 40lb bags of flour)...and get down to mixing. it's now 1pm. i have a managers meeting at 2...so i bust ass and manage to get everything mixed and rounded...can't let it sit on the floor as it'll over-proof, so i shove everythin into the cooler. cold retards the yeast, keeps it from rising.

HOUR-N-A-HALF later.......i'm out of the meeting and start running the dough...which means shaping the proofed balls into either loafs or sticks. but it's cold and don't wanna rise. ffs... do ma frozen order, ma dairy order, clean up the mixers side, and run all 2 racks....

we're out of italian five and french bread. ma clerk tells me. FFS.....they're on sale. ok...throw em into the proofer (i'll have to make more tomorrow) it's 4pm. ma 11 hour shift is up. but i've still got dough to run, and ma clerk dosn't know how to bake the bread i've got in the proofer. gahhhhhhhhhh.....

finish, do a LIL of the paperwork i need to do, pop the bread in the oven, and it's now 5:45. i've been in this building almost 13 hours now...away from ma house almost 14. i'm done. forget the fact i didn't get a damn lunch break....AGAIN...i'm prolly gonna get chewed out for NOT taking one...but WTF?

welcome back kricket.


tomorrow looks to be as fun as today. *rolls eyes* i asked for this didn't i?? i got a hot bath with epsom salts ready for me, ma book, and a few beers... *muwah*

back in the sunshyne state...tho no matter how much the sun does shine...it's still cloudy and dark and gloomy in ma head. i tried to keep it together yesterday when i left, but i couldn't. at least i can blame some of the emotions on having started. but bleh...still cried like a lil bitch.

the flight(s) were fine. the first one i watched the neverending story...well, an hour of it wif ma seat-mate. he was on his way home from iraq and after seeing him outta the corner of ma eye watchin my screen, offered him an earbud. lucked out in atlanta, my connection was close..went from gate c-2 to c-55. which is 'bout a mile or so...BUT last time in atl...had a 15 minute run from one gate to the other. AND there was a bar and smoke room near ma gate. yay voddy! helps a kricket sleep. which is good, cuz ma seat-mate on the second flight was a frumpy, stuck-up, country club bitch who just about pressed herself OUT the window to get as far from me as possible. ha!

anyway....i'm here. it's not home anymore. ma home is up there with dummy and rayce and cassie and charlie and the bars and all the people who've accepted me. it's a good thing spring break is right around the corner. i just gotta make it till the end of april, 1st week of may, and dum'll come down, pack everything up, and i'll move....

*muwah and hugs to ma friend on here who's stronger than she realizes*

after a morning of filling out apps online, then actually trying ma hand at writing a resume. i give up. i need a beer for this shit! pfft... it's always been easy for me to get a job, usually call in a favor from a friend, or a friend of a friend. which i could do here, guess one of dum's ex's is shackin up wif a store manager from a local grocery store. and one of dum's friends family members runs a bakery for another. but i dunno. i'm not even sure i WANT to go back into a commercial service industry. i think i'd be happiest in some lil bakery in ma corner, doing cakes all day. heh. on the other hand..to make the amount of cheddah i'm making NOW, i need to go into some sort of managment position. checked monster.com and panera bread is hiring "shift supervisors" which is management...of sorts. i just don't know. think i'll feel betta after a beer.

ahhhh...i was right...i DO feel betta.

in other news, me n dum had really bad chinese food last night, which i didn't think was possible. but it was. then we went to the evil empire (wal-mart) and bought some movies. let's see...there was "i am legend" which was surprisingly good. then "memoirs of a geisha" of which i'd seen before AND read the book, but dum had not. i was impressed. he didn't fall asleep. heh... tho for the last one "children of man" he did. i thought it was interesting...interesting enough to keep me awake anyway. gotta hand it to dum tho, he stayed up till almost 2am!!heh. lately 9pm is it...MAYBE 10. if we're at home anyway.

okee...gonna loaf 'round till it's time for us to go.

went to a winery today. was lovely. beautiful location, beautiful building, excellent wine. was hoping it would be more special than it was, but....it was nice.

brought back some great wine tho. and learned i don't like port =P

ahhhhhhhhh...been a great lazy day, snuggling on the futon and watching movies in between naps. oh. and some nice slow lazy shagging as well. all n all, been a lovely valentines day.

last night was so much fun! we went to the two bars dum frequents. the first one was pretty dead, but we hung out and chatted wif the owner for a while.

then we went to the mill. the downstairs bar was packed, and we ran into one of dum's friends. she directed us upstairs where all dums friends were. we closed the bar down, laughing, drinking beers and doing prolly a few too many cherry bombs. his friends are a wonderful, very funny, very sweet bunch. they've accepted me into the fold so quickly. makes me feel like i belong here

dunno what we're gonna be doing tonight. i know dums cooking dinner. after that, no idea.

hope all yall have had a day as perfect as mine xxxxxxxxxx