LostPrincess
Gift PremiumJust here to take up space
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- 44 years old
- Female
- Joined 17 years ago
- 755 views
LostPrincess's Blog
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Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 6:19:20 PM- | ||||||
here we are again not talking. I see what u do. you still tell me you love me and all then make me ALMOST believe it and boom find something to hurt me with. Its ok cause I see the pattern. I dont even get mad anymore, you told me she over it, she is over it cause she knows SHIT about it!! I think YOU are over it and its fine..You see I am better I am fine with it all. I am seeing the REAL YOU little by little. do I cry still Yea at times I do cause of all the hurt the lies u told me. You make it hard to trust anyone and I do not want to be that way. You know I am going to be down near you and you ask me to stop and say hi to ses you!! WHY? you are so happy and in love with her AGAIN why need to see or be with me!! I am finding happiness without you!!!!! the last 2 weeks we havent been talking I been doing of thinking and realized!! | ||||||
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Thursday, May 31, 2007, 9:28:20 PM- | ||||||
when I spoke to you tuesday I can hear the coldness in your voice and thats something I thought I never hear from you and I never want to hear it again. I know its my fault I made you that way.I guess you lost whatever feelings you had left for me if any. i just feel so blah so empty inside. i feel dead inside. loving you is not an option not a choice I cant let go I love you even if I dont want to I do!!! i try to tell myself u r there I am here so what am i holding on to. i miss us more everyday..i love you more everyday even if we arent together wish things were different but same same. | ||||||
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Monday, May 28, 2007, 10:21:20 PM- | ||
I am back and I wish you could read this because I had a good time being away. Yes I thought about you alot but I didn't cry. I was sad cause I wish we were together but I was OK. I do not expect to be 100% better but just being OK is a start. I wish it was us on the beach playing in the ocean and when I saw all the couples I was sad and at night dancing I wished it was us. I remember me and you when we went out dancing. even tho I had men on the beach and at the clubs trying to pick me and and they gave me their numbers I was flattered but not interested. It did feel good having that many men interested in me whatever their reason was. yes I took the numbers and smiled and said sure I will call I knew deep down I wouldnt and when I got outside I threw them away. YES it was wrong taking them but I felt bad and truth be I am sure they didnt care if I call or not. why am I telling you this when I know you will not see it cause if I do tell you to come here I want you to see that I do not want anyone else, I am ok being alone and thats how I like it and need it..i do miss you and love you baby but I am good being without you I am ok. I wish it was different but I cant make you want me or love me and I am done trying!!! | ||
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Friday, May 25, 2007, 5:30:05 PM- I am hoping!!!!! | ||
to have some fun this weekend. I need to stop thinking about you and us. I am leaving tonight until Monday night my flight leaves in a few hours. Yes I will take my laptop not sure why. I know you aren't sitting around wondering or thinking about me so why should I. I do feel better then I was the last few days. I think as long as I keep telling myself its over and you do not love me or miss me I can do this. which is not a lie its the truth..we are over and you do not love nor miss me. we havent talked in a few days and as long as I dont hear your voice I dont get drawn back in. I do miss you alot and love you even more than possible even tho we havent been together for a long time. I dont think true love goes away. I hope you have a great memorial weekend!!! and a great life!!!! | ||
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Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 11:51:45 PM- I wanto tell YOU!!!!!! | ||||||
that I come here so you can read this and maybe you can understand me and how you make me feel, but I know for a fact you will read this and say shit like I didn't say that or do this..this isnt a blame thing..this is how I FEEL how YOU make me feel. you said to me on the phone when you got back to work the following Monday that when I asked why didnt you call me ypu said I TOLD YOU i didnt want to see you and hung up Thats BS.. I said what see me for an hr and you said in a nasty tone nothing is ever good for you yes then I hung up. so U see how u mis up words. I WILL NOT TELL YOU I COME HERE..you know what I want when someones says how r u and I say good great I WANT TO MEAN IT not just say it!!! I WANT MY LIFE MY HEART BACK! I want more but those 2 I can start out with..when do i get those back is the question, cause I been tryin..i hate fucking crying!!!!! | ||||||
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Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 12:02:08 AM- | ||
NOT sure when I will stop writing here I guess when I feel I am strong enough to not fall again..I write so I can go back and see for the last few months the ups and downs..I am getting by, by telling myself he has never loved me it seems like all lies..not sure how one goes on loving someone who doesnt love you but I am so trying. I feel alone at times but I know there are some out there just like me. my heart will never be whole again but I will love again and trust but not for a long time. I do not want to ever give my heart thanks to you cause you broke it and I can never go thru that again but I don't know how to love without giving my heart..I think its impossible. I thought 1 1/2 gone by and I should be better why does it feel like it just happen? Is this normal? I am hoping this weekend with not being home will help me have fun fun fun!!!!!!!!!! | ||
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Monday, May 21, 2007, 6:01:20 PM- NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | ||
Yes we did talk today at work. As I said on the phone right before I said GOODBYE... You hurt me by being here and NOT CALLING ME proves you didnt want to see me, you want nothing to do with me and YOU DO NOT LOVE ME!! so no need to call me anymore!!!! go on with you life and let me live mine. I will not give in to these games anymore. I cant stop you from calling my job but please do not expect me to talk. I will simply say I cant talk bye. YOU HURT ME DEEPLY HURT ME this time!!! yes blame me cause I said oh what I get an hour and said bye ,so punish me and be here and not call..whatever.BLAME me for it all I dont care I am tired of this childish shit..be happy with the one you're with..OH I am sorry go PRETEND to be happy with the one you're with..I learned that in life one takes so much shit before they say FUCK IT and I took so much shit and what you did by being here made me realize and now I say FUCK IT..Yes it took that to make me see i was being played.LIVE N LEARN!! | ||
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Sunday, May 20, 2007, 7:38:41 PM- | ||
I been thinking about the song you left for me and how this song is different from all the others, all the others where about love, missing me, sweet songs and the last song was to me a goodbye song and thats ok. thank you for the last song it made me see it opened my eyes but I guess I knew all along all the lies you made me believe. The only thing I DID 'word is DID" believe was that you loved me but I do not believe that anymore..my question is WHY WHY WHY play with someone's heart? what does that get you? does making me cry make you feel better or seeing me hurt make you feel better...I never lied about my feelings and to this day I can't lie..yes I love you forever will, BUT at the same time I am gonna live life. I know we are over for good I am not that stupid..keep your lies for someone else I dont need them and again thank you for the GOODBYE song I appreciate it!!! | ||
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Saturday, May 19, 2007, 10:38:01 PM- why play me this song on my V-mail today at work | ||||||
I know you will never see any of this but thats ok. I will never tell you I come here and I dont want you to come here. IS IT BECAISE "ALL THE LIES YOU MADE ME BELIEVE" or that "I DESERVE MUCH BETTER THAN YOU" cause it sure isnt you miss me or remember what it felt to be with me or that you wish it wasnt over..and you can lie in bed with her for the rest of you life and I am sure IT IS COLD!! you did your damage to me will say it 1 more time you were here in the same state as me and YOU DIDNT CALL me. Yea it proves you wanted to see me and love me..keep your HINDER SONG!!! I think you can do much better than me After all the lies that I made you believe Guilt kicks in and I start to see The edge of the bed Where your nightgown used to be I told myself I won't miss you But I remember What it feels like beside you I really miss your hair in my face And the way your innocence tastes And I think you should know this You deserve much better than me While looking through your old box of notes I found those pictures I took That you were looking for If there's one memory I don't want to lose That time at the mall You and me in the dressing room I told myself I won't miss you But I remember What it feels like beside you I really miss your hair in my face And the way your innocence tastes And I think you should know this You deserve much better than me The bed I'm lying in is getting colder Wish I never would've said it's over And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older Cause we never really had our closure This can't be the end I really miss your hair in my face And the way your innocence tastes And I think you should know this You deserve much better than me I really miss your hair in my face And the way your innocence tastes And I think you should know this You deserve much better than me (And I think you should know this) (You deserve much better than me) | ||||||
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Friday, May 18, 2007, 8:27:56 PM- | ||||||
what are you tryin to do? why did you leave 2 messages on my v-mail at work last night and then you call me today at work and hang up when I answer..I know it was you cause NO ONE has my extension # except my family and the main office plus when I did a *69 it said the number of your last call is private..Not sure what you are tryin to do..you are with her OR did you get away for a second to call me WOW not like you to do that. I cant stop you from calling..as I said you proved your love for me(which is YOU DONT LOVE ME) when you were here Mon and Tues and never called me..do what you need to and I will do what I need to!! all I know is I will never give you my new cell number!! be happy BABY cause I will be!!!!!! | ||||||
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